


temporary fix

by bechloehuh



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Or Is It?, Pining, Slow Burn, Smut, Unrequited Love, beca-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-05-23 17:55:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14939078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bechloehuh/pseuds/bechloehuh
Summary: They’ve been riding this sexual tension wave for months now and it was only a matter of time before one of them gave in.. (friends with benefits au)





	1. i know a girl, she's like a curse

**Author's Note:**

> the friends with benefits au that got… way longer than I expected it to be. so long that it turned into a multi chapter instead of a one shot like I originally intended. (is anyone surprised, though?) title inspired by one direction’s song of the same name. rated m/e for smut, obviously.

 

 _“when i hear you sing, it gets hard to breathe / can't help but think every song's about me / and every line, every word that i write / you are the muse in the back of my mind, oh / don't want to ask about it 'cause you might brush it off / i'm afraid you think that it means nothing at all / i don't know why i won't admit that you're all i want.”_ _  
_ – why, shawn mendes

* * *

It’s easy for Beca to convince herself that they’re only doing this because they’re drunk.

It’s the first time it’s happened, but it still feels oddly natural, and Beca’s not too sure why. One of her hands ends up in Chloe’s hair while the other grips her waist as they make out against the door, but nothing else really _happens_. She’s a drunk, confused Sophomore, but she still knows what she’s doing, and she has a sneaking feeling that Chloe does too.

They’ve been riding this sexual tension wave for months now and it was only a matter of time before one of them gave in to it. She never thought she’d give in, if she’s honest, but she’s drunk and she doesn’t really want to think about that. Or the consequences. Or anything, really. It’s hard to think when she has Chloe Beale pinned against the door, her body flush against her own as a muffled Frank Ocean song plays from down the hall of the Bella house.

She knows she’s in Chloe’s room because it’s the only room on the bottom floor of the house, as well as being the only room to have only one Bella living in it. She was less than thrilled when she’d been told at the beginning of her Sophomore year that she’d have the pleasure of rooming with Fat Amy in their new sorority-turned-Bella house. Of course, being the oldest and the super senior meant that Chloe got her own room, which resulted in a lot of late night study sessions for Beca and Chloe while Amy was busy with Bumper doing things in their shared attic room that Beca does _not_ want to think about right now.

So, she’s making out with Chloe pinned against the door with a muffled song transitioning to another in the background, and she wants to make a comment about how terrible that transition was, because the DJ – who’s actually not a DJ at all, he’s just one of Stacie’s Bio classmates – is terrible at his job and Beca could do a better job with just the songs on her iPhone. But Beca’s preoccupied with a Chloe Beale who had pulled her into her room and asked her to help her find a small 5cl bottle of vodka she’d stashed away a few weeks ago.

Chloe had found it in a suitcase that she’d usually use to travel to Florida with to see her family on Thanksgiving and Christmas and sometimes during the summer. She’d held it up like it was a trophy, claiming that she _knew_ it was here. And Beca was about to open the door and tell Chloe that they should get some shot glasses to drink the vodka out of, but Chloe had stopped her.

“To you!” she had said, holding the tiny bottle up, and Beca had looked around the room as if there was someone else that Chloe could be referring to.

“Me?” she asked, confused, and Chloe giggled drunkenly.

“Yes!” Chloe said, struggling to unscrew the cap. She managed to unscrew it eventually, dropping the bottlecap to the floor before raising the bottle again. “You helped us win!” she shouted, voice laced with alcohol and admiration, and Beca had a feeling that she was referring to their National win a few months ago but it was hard to focus on that since she could see two of her. “You helped me- _us_ . You helped us. You’re _amazing_ , Beca!”

And then she was tossing her head back, downing half of the tiny bottle, and Beca watched and winced as Chloe threw back the clear liquid like it was nothing.

“That’s… you good?” she had asked, smiling when Chloe just nodded with a disgusted look on her face before handing the half empty bottle to Beca. “I’m not… No. Straight vodka tastes like shit, how the hell did you _do_ that?”

“Sip sip!”

“I’m not- no, I’m not gonna sip it, I don’t think that’s the… idea,” she paused, closing one eye so she could read the percentage on the bottle.

“–Gulp gulp then!”

(She’s drunk but it was only a matter of time before this happened, because she’s liked Chloe for a long time now – ever since she realized the huge mistake she made when she kissed Jesse after the ICCA’s instead of her best friend – so she doesn’t dwell on the fact that this is a terrible idea. Because it is, in fact, a terrible idea, but Beca’s hazy mind is telling her to ignore that. To shut up and just go with it.)

The vodka went down much easier than Beca had expected, and she finished the bottle off with one last “ugh!” and even though she didn’t drink a lot of it, it’s still vodka, and it was still the grossest thing ever, and she still felt like she was going to throw it back up.

She’s pretty sure that the annoying Carly Rae Jepsen song that Chloe loves is playing on the other side of the door, but she doesn’t really get a chance to think about that before Chloe is kissing her harder, pulling her out of her little daydream about the events that led up to now. She’s kissing her harder and she’s pulling her closer and Beca can’t remember who kissed who first, or how this even started – how they ended up making out messily against the door – but all she knows is that she doesn’t want this to end. So instead of focusing on that, she focuses on Chloe, and only Chloe, and not on the fact that someone is knocking on the door that Chloe is currently pressed up against.

“Chloe! You in there?”

The voice belongs to Stacie, and Beca loves Stacie, but she’s never hated her as much as she does in this moment.

“Ignore her,” Beca whispers.

It takes a second for Chloe to realize that she’s being called from the other side of the door. So long that Stacie knocks again, yelling something about sake bombs and not doing them without her, and then suddenly Chloe is slowing the kiss down and groaning and pushing Beca off her and straightening her skirt, which, Beca notices, had ridden up some time during their short make out session.

“Coming!” Chloe yells back, reaching her hands up to flatten her hair from where Beca’s hand had been in it. Usually Beca would make a joke, asking her ‘already?’ but she’s still kind of trying to catch her breath.

She reaches up to sort Chloe’s hair out, nails scraping through her hair to puff it up a little, just how Chloe likes it, before she steps back, and she swear she feels her heart clench at the way Chloe smiles at her.

“Thanks babe,” Chloe says, pecking her on the cheek, and if it wasn’t for the fact that Chloe calls everybody babe, Beca would think that she meant it in a way that definitely was _not_ platonic. But before she can focus on that, Chloe is turning around and opening the door and Beca steps out of view, so Stacie can’t see her, because she’s not sure if Chloe wants Stacie knowing that she was in here with her.

She hears Stacie ask what she was doing but then their voices are gone, drowning in the music that’s playing way too loud for – Beca checks the time on her phone – midnight on a Wednesday, and she waits.

It’s five minutes of checking herself in the mirror and sorting her hair and makeup out before she heads out of Chloe’s room and into the kitchen to find herself another beer. She doesn’t exactly need more alcohol in her system since she’s pretty sure she can see two Fat Amy’s dancing on the island in the middle of the kitchen, but she needs a distraction from the fact that every time she looks at Chloe she feels like she can’t breathe.

* * *

The second time it happens, she’s still a Sophomore, and it’s less of an accident and more of a “why not?” type situation.

They’re both drunk again, this time getting ready to go to a party.

Every Friday night the Bellas either have a movie night, go out, or play games together. These Friday nights always end in them getting drunk, so it doesn’t surprise Beca when Amy returns home in the middle of an UNO game that they’d managed to turn into a drinking game as well, telling the Bellas to get ready because they’re going to a frat party. And because the Bellas had already been drinking, they’d all agreed immediately, having gotten bored from playing UNO unlike Beca, who had actually been enjoying herself.

(Totally not because she was _crushing_ them.)

She’s slightly buzzed but that doesn’t stop her from giving in to Chloe when she feels the girl press her front against her back in the bathroom. At this point with Chloe, she never knows what these supposedly innocent touches will result in, so she gives in anyway. If nothing happens between them then so what, but if she ends up making out with Chloe right here against the bathroom counter, then _so what_. She doesn’t mind either way.

She’d been applying her eye makeup when Chloe had grabbed her hips and turned her around to face her.

“Hi,” Chloe says. The glisten in her eyes lets Beca know that she’s much drunker than she actually looks – because she looks amazing, with her hair in a half-up, half-down style, and a black dress on that Beca’s never seen her wear before.

“Hello,” Beca replies, and she’s about to scold herself, cringe at herself for being so awkward, but Chloe is leaning in to kiss her before she even has chance to think about whether the door is closed, and suddenly Beca can’t complain or think or do anything other than _give in_.

The kiss isn’t as messy as last time, but Beca still has to reapply her lipstick which, she notices, is more on Chloe’s lips now than her own.

* * *

She’s handed a red solo cup half-filled with beer when they get to the party, and it takes her a second to realize that it’s Jesse who handed her the beverage.

“Sup,” she says, looking up at him to see that his eyes are hooded, and he has a goofy grin on his face, two telltale signs of him being drunk.

And it’s been a year since their thing – if you can call one kiss and an awkward “I actually don’t like you like that” a _thing_ – but she still tries to be cautious around him. She knows how much he liked her, and she desperately wanted to return those feelings, she did, but Jesse was the type of person who she saw as an annoying big brother or the best friend who annoyed her but she loved anyway. And in her opinion, Jesse is exactly that. Her best friend. She just doesn’t love him like he loves her and judging by the way he’s dragging her to play beer pong, shouting way too loud about how he’s the best beer pong player in the world, she thinks maybe he’s as okay with just being friends as she is.

Chloe comes up behind her again at some point when the beer pong game is almost over, her hands grabbing Beca’s waist in a way that causes her breath to catch in her throat as she thinks back to the kiss they shared earlier. To anybody else the way Chloe hugs her from behind, and the way her mouth comes to rest beside Beca’s ear as she whispers something, is just Chloe being Chloe, but Beca _knows_ that this isn’t Chloe being _just_ friendly with her.

There’s a part of her brain telling her to push Chloe away from her before Jesse – or anybody for that matter – makes a comment about them, but the rest of her brain takes over, and she listens to it when it tells her to just let them be. To let Chloe hug her from behind as she whispers encouragingly in Beca’s ear about winning the game.

She misses the shot, and she totally blames Chloe.

But Chloe is Chloe and she plays the innocent card, and Beca demands a rematch.

Chloe doesn’t let go of her the whole time, and it takes her downing three more beers to finally realize that the feelings she’s having for Chloe go way beyond just a casual crush.

* * *

It’s a few weeks later when they’re playing truth or dare when it happens again.

Amy turns to her, and she’s tipsy so it takes her a second to realize why everyone is looking at her like that, but she nods when she realizes why.

“Right,” she says, dropping the hand that she was using to play with her hair down onto her knee as she sits cross legged on the floor with Chloe on one side of her and Lilly on the other. With a finger tapping on her knee, she looks around at the rest of the Bellas who are waiting for her answer, and she sighs.

She _was_ going to say truth but then she feels Chloe scoot closer to her, so their legs are touching, and she’s never been able to focus when Chloe is near her.

“D-dare.”

“Ooooh!”

“No, truth! I meant truth!”

“Too late Becs!” Chloe says, sporting that cheeky not-so-innocent Chloe Beale grin on her face, and Beca sighs.

“Fuck. Okay. Lay it on me.”

Amy tries to make it look like she’s thinking, but Beca knows Amy, and she knows that she’s not thinking at all. And it doesn’t surprise her when Amy finally says “okay!” raising both of her hands as if she’s Jesus reciting a speech to his followers. “I dare you to…” she pauses for dramatic effect, and Beca rolls her eyes, “drumroll please” and then Lilly is beatboxing some type of drumroll sound, and if Beca wasn’t so anxious about what Amy’s dare for her is going to be, she’d be impressed. But then Lilly stops, and Amy says, “kiss Chloe for a full minute” and Beca rolls her eyes.

She’s not surprised but she makes an effort to at least _look_ surprised, trying to object as the other Bellas all “ _oooh!_ ” and “ _ahh!_ ” and “ _oh, good one Amy!_ ” around her.

Before she can speak – to tell Amy that _no_ , she will _not_ be kissing Chloe – she feels a hand on her thigh and the body beside her scoots closer. She turns to look at Chloe, eyes searching hers for something that’ll tell her that this is the worst idea ever and that enduring Amy’s forfeit will be easier than this. But all she sees in Chloe’s eyes is the fact that Chloe is tipsy and _ready_ and that she shouldn’t be worried because duh, they’ve kissed before, and this is _nothing_.

Only, it kind of… isn’t. It’s not nothing.

“It’s just me,” Chloe whispers.

It’s everything.

She’s leaning in before she even realizes what she’s doing and suddenly the room is silent as her lips meet Chloe’s. She’s pretty sure one of Chloe’s hand comes up to cup her cheek but she can’t quite comprehend anything that’s happening other than the fact that she’s kissing her best friend for the third time, but this time in front of eight witnesses.

It’s longer than the last kiss they had a few weeks ago, but shorter and chaster than their first kiss against that bathroom door at the beginning of the year. She vaguely registers the moan Chloe releases into her mouth but then Chloe is pulling back, and her hand is no longer cupping Beca’s cheek, and Beca suddenly can’t breathe.

That was _not_ a full minute.

She ignores the hollers from the Bellas, and she’s thankful when they move on quickly and tell her to pick one of the Bellas to ask truth or dare to. She doesn’t think Flo has had a turn yet, so she picks her.

(Flo _had_ had a turn, three people ago, but Beca wasn’t paying attention due to the fact that Chloe’s presence beside her was like, super distracting.)

“ _Beca_ ,” Flo whines, shoulders sagging, “I’ve just had a turn.”

“Sorry, Flo,” Stacie says before Beca can respond. “Rules are rules.”

“Uh,” Beca tries hard to think of something; tries to focus on anything but the fact that she still smells Chloe’s perfume all around her and she’s pretty sure if she licks her lips she’ll be able to taste her too. “Down the rest of your drink,” she says, and the rest of the Bellas all _boo_ and tell her that that’s a terrible dare but she doesn’t exactly care, not when she feels Chloe’s hand slyly rest over the one she’s leaning on behind her back. All thoughts fly out of the window because even though she and Chloe touch each other a lot – and they’ve kissed three times for God’s sake – Beca still feels like this time is different.

That this time, maybe Chloe didn’t kiss her in a platonic way like she has done in the past.

* * *

But she’s stupid, obviously.

When Jessica dares Chloe to kiss the hottest one in the room, Chloe immediately crawls over to Stacie and pulls her in by her collar.

Beca tries not to watch but she doesn’t know where else to look and her paranoia tells her that someone will notice if she doesn’t watch them. She watches the smiles form on Chloe and Stacie’s faces as they kiss each other, and she listens as Amy groans and Cynthia Rose tell them to get a room, and she feels the jealousy rising up deep inside her when Chloe pulls back and Stacie immediately pulls her back in.

Eventually it stops, in between Beca looking away and the Bellas pulling them off of each other, and Beca feels like she can breathe again.

She feels Chloe watching her throughout the rest of the game, but she can’t bring it in her to look at her.

* * *

It takes her a while to settle down into bed that night.

She tosses and turns and tries to block out the sound of Amy’s snoring, but nothing seems to help her sleep, and she’s just about to get up and head to her desk where her laptop is to maybe start a new mix, when she feels her phone vibrate on the table beside her bed.

She’s not surprised to see Chloe’s name when she squints her eyes at the bright screen. Chloe tends to text her even if they’re in the same house, sometimes even when they’re in the same room, which Beca thinks is stupid, but it’s Chloe so she doesn’t mind.

 **[1:43AM] Chloe:** You awake?

She thinks about ignoring it. She’ll text Chloe back in the morning saying, “sorry I was asleep” and then Chloe will say “no worries!” and that’ll be the end of it. But she’s curious and bored, and maybe Chloe needs her help with something, and she’ll never admit it, but she’ll do anything for Chloe, even at 2AM.

 **[1:45AM] Beca:** yea

 **[1:46AM] Chloe:** Me too

 **[1:46AM] Beca:** u still drunk?

 **[1:47AM] Chloe:** Lil bit. Can’t sleep :(

It’s a dangerous game, and she knows it. She knows that if she carries on texting Chloe, Chloe will either come upstairs or tell Beca to come down to her room, and she’s not sure what they’ll end up doing, but she has a sneaking feeling that it won’t be things that _friends_ do.

 **[1:50AM] Chloe:** Wanna come hang out?

 **[1:53AM] Beca:** I’ll be 2 mins

It’s a dangerous game but that still doesn’t stop her from playing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual i'm [chloebeale](http://chloebeale.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> you can support my writing [here](https://ko-fi.com/M4M5ENJK)


	2. i need somebody to love me blue

_“in the clouds where the angels sing / in your eyes, where i wanna be / and her smile is all i see / she knows i need her loving / she knows i need her touching / she plays with my heart and emotion / i give her my love and devotion / she gave me her thought and a notion / i need her body / it needs me too.”_  
– blue, zayn

* * *

“Come in.”

She looks down at herself, adjusts her sleep shirt, and sucks in a quick, deep breath.

She doesn’t know what she expected when she walked into Chloe’s room. Maybe she expected Chloe to be naked, waiting and ready for her. Maybe she expected her to be asleep. Maybe she expected a few other Bellas to be there too, so they’re not alone.

She doesn’t know.

Another thing that she doesn’t expect is for the air to be knocked out of her lungs when Chloe looks up at her. She doesn’t expect it but she’s not exactly _surprised_ , either.

Her hair is up in a bun and she’s wearing glasses – glasses that Beca never knew Chloe even needed – and she looks tired but so God damn beautiful; eyes shining with something that Beca can’t quite figure out.

“Hi,” Chloe says softly, closing the book that she was reading and putting it on the floor beside her bed – onto a pile of what Beca recognizes as her Russian Literature textbooks. Why she was reading at this time, while still drunk, Beca will never know, but she doesn’t think about it. She can’t exactly think any coherent thought when Chloe smiles at her like that.

She shuts the door and her legs carry her over to the edge of Chloe’s bed, where she stands awkwardly, looking around Chloe’s room. It’s not like she hasn’t been in her room before, but suddenly the décor – the fairy lights giving off way too much of a romantic setting than Beca would like – seem much more interesting tonight than they do usually.

“Bec.”

“Hmm?”

When she looks at Chloe, she notices that she’s pulled the covers beside her so that Beca can get into bed, and Beca has to pause for a second to think this over before she accepts Chloe’s invitation.

(At least, she _looks_ like she’s thinking it over.

She knows she’s gonna get into the bed.)

She puts her phone on the table, next to where Chloe had put her glasses, and climbs into Chloe’s bed like she has done so many times before, for drunken cuddles and lazy sundays where they’d sit and watch Netflix all day instead of dealing with life. The bed is warm from where Chloe has been sitting and somehow Beca feels more vulnerable with the covers over her than she felt when she was standing at the foot of the bed, out in the open.

“How’s your head?” Chloe asks her, and it takes a second for Beca to realize why she’s asking her that.

“Oh,” she nods. “Yeah, it’s… it’s okay. Doesn’t hurt anymore.”

(She’d complained of a headache before she left to go to bed.

In reality, she couldn’t stand sitting next to a drunk and handsy Chloe Beale for any longer.)

“Good, I’m glad.”

There’s a sort of uneasy feeling in the air that Beca only feels when Chloe is around. It’s something that she’s only ever experienced once before, a few years ago with her first boyfriend. The tension is thick and hazy, and it overwhelms her senses so much that she wonders if it’s too late to leave; if leaving will only make Chloe suspicious, or maybe upset.

She’s not quite sure if she’ll be able to survive the night if she stays, either.

“Beca?”

“What?”

“Are you okay? You seem… out of it.”

Beca swallows as Chloe’s eyes never leave her face, and she has to look away, scared that she’ll do something stupid; something she’ll probably – if not _definitely_ – regret.

Chloe takes her glasses off and reaches over to put them on the table beside her bed. “Becs?”

“What- yeah. I’m fine. Just, ya know, still a little drunk.”

Chloe lets out a soft laugh that causes Beca’s stomach to twist. She can feel Chloe looking at her but the terror she feels is enough to stop her from looking back; from giving in to Chloe like she has done so many times before.

When Chloe’s hand touches hers, it takes all she has in her not to gasp; not to freak out at the immediate spark she felt on her skin when Chloe touched her; not to look at Chloe and tell her that nobody has ever made her feel this way before.

She knows it’s a dangerous game, but when Chloe reaches out to touch her skin and tilt her head towards her, she can’t help but look; to just take it all in, like there’s a magnetic pull forcing her to just _stop_ resisting this.

She gulps and tries her hardest not to look at Chloe’s lips, but it’s no use. Her eyes flicker over Chloe’s face as she studies her. The flutter of her eyelashes when she blinks; her soft, tan skin; the few freckles dotted over her nose; her eyes. The eyes that are so God damn captivating that when Chloe talks, Beca can’t focus.

“Did you hear me?”

“Uh, what?”

Chloe’s closer than she was before, and her fingers are dancing delicately over Beca’s arm, causing goosebumps to form in their wake and the fine hairs on Beca’s forearm to stand up.

“I said,” Chloe pauses, licking her lips. Beca finally tears her eyes away from Chloe’s to watch the way her tongue slowly pokes out, and her teeth catch her bottom lip. “What are you thinking about?”

Later, when she looks back on this, Beca will say that it was that lip bite that finally pushed her over the edge.

(She knows, inside of her, that it happened way before then.)

“You.”

She knows what Chloe wanted when she asked her to come hang out with her at two in the morning. She knows that she wanted it just as much, too.

Maybe more.

She watches as Chloe’s breath hitches, and if she wasn’t so afraid of how fast her heart is racing right now, she’d smile.

“What about me?” Chloe asks her.

Beca’s hand slides over the fingers that are dancing over her arm, stilling them. Chloe looks down at their hands as Beca leans forward, sucking in a breath just as her forehead rests against Chloe’s. Chloe’s eyes close and Beca reaches out to hook her finger under her chin, slowly lifting her head up until their noses are touching.

Her breath is warm against Beca’s mouth and their lips are so close that Beca knows that with one more push forward, they’ll be kissing. She knows this, but she doesn’t do anything because they’re drunk, and she wants confirmation from Chloe that this is what she wants, too. That she’s been thinking about this for as long as Beca has.

She doesn’t get that exact confirmation, but she gets a small nod, which she thinks is enough.

“Are you sure–”

Chloe cuts her off by grabbing her face and pulling her into a kiss and all Beca’s thoughts of ‘maybe this is a terrible idea’ fly out of the window the second Chloe tugs at her shirt.

It’s happening much faster than she expected.

She pulls back, pulling her shirt over her head and throwing it behind her. She makes note of the pounding in her chest and wonders if this is normal; if everyone feels this way when they’re kissing their best friend.

Chloe sits up and pulls at her own shirt, and Beca helps her take it off before dropping it beside the bed. She’s about to ask Chloe if she’s sure again, but Chloe reaches behind herself to pull her bra off and suddenly, her whole top half is bare.

She’s used to telling herself not to look at Chloe like this, so it takes a second for her to realize that this is for her. Chloe has taken her shirt off for her. Chloe wants _her_.

And Chloe is beautiful but nothing compares to a half naked Chloe Beale with a look in her eye that sets off alarm bells in Beca’s brain.

She ignores them though, and she looks.

“Chloe.”

Her chest is rising with each breath she pulls in and Beca can’t stop staring. She’d feel weird about it if it was any other night but tonight – if it was any other person but Chloe – but all she feels is _ready_.

She breathes in, counts to three, and lays Chloe down.

She’s daydreamed about this before. About what it would be like to be able to see Chloe like this; to touch Chloe like this. Whether it’d be soft and careful, or quick and rough. She’s thought about who would initiate it, who’d be the first to lean in, how fast things will escalate. She’s thought about it all, but nothing could’ve prepared her for this.

She doesn’t think about how nervous she is because if she does, she knows they won’t be able to progress past second base, and with the way things are going – well, she’s pretty sure they can’t go back from this.

Chloe flips them over to hover over Beca on her hands and knees, and Beca has to grip Chloe’s waist to stop the room from spinning.

“Can I?” Chloe rasps, finger hooking under her bra strap. All Beca can do is nod, unable to form any coherent thought other than yes, God, _please_.

Her bra falls to the floor on top of Chloe’s shirt, and then Chloe is holding Beca back by the shoulders, thumb rubbing over her collarbones. She watches as Chloe looks at her; a type of hunger in her eyes that Beca’s never seen before. If it was anybody else, she’d shy away; she’d cover herself up and tell them to stop.

But this is _Chloe_ , and she trusts Chloe with everything that she is.

She lets Chloe look at her, and if she could focus she’d see that Chloe is looking at her like she might be in love with what she sees.

When Chloe leans down and presses a soft kiss against Beca’s collarbone, Beca feels her whole body flush with desire and _need_. The warmth in her cheeks travels down to her neck and her chest, until it feels like her entire body is on fire, and when Chloe’s lips touch her skin, she feels like maybe this is how it feels to get burned alive.

Somewhere in between the removal of her bra, and Chloe leaning down to kiss her again and again, she manages to kick her shorts off and let them fall on the floor beside the bed. She’s not sure how it happened – who took them off – but she doesn’t question it, because Chloe is equally as naked as she is, kissing her way down her body; kind lips stroking over her stomach and down to the front of her underwear, and really, all she can do is let it happen.

Her hand slides into Chloe’s hair as Chloe presses a few open-mouthed kisses to her navel, before slipping her fingers into the band of her underwear. She looks down, gently stroking her nails over Chloe’s scalp, pulling out a groan from Chloe that leaves her more and more breathless. She only removes her hand when Chloe sits up to pull her underwear fully off, dropping them on the floor to join the rest of their clothes.

She does the same with her own and then suddenly Beca’s aware of the fact that they’re both naked and this is _happening_.

“Are you okay?”

And it’s kind of a loaded question because she’s not sure if she is okay, but she’s kind of okay with _this_ ; with being naked in front of Chloe and having her looking at her like _that_.

“Becs?”

Like she could _ever_ say no to this.

“Yeah,” she rasps with a nod. “Please.”

Chloe smiles as she pushes Beca’s legs open slowly, looking down at her. It’s oddly intimate and not at all what Beca expected from – whatever _this_ is.

(Just _friends_ hooking up, she tells herself.)

She watches as Chloe licks her lips, before looking up at her again.

And she’s not usually an impatient person but God, she _needs_ her. Now. Especially when Chloe’s looking at her like that.

She’s about to tell Chloe to touch her – to do anything to her – but then Chloe is leaning down to press a kiss to her inner thigh and she can feel her breath on her, and her brain is turning to mush.

If she wasn’t so focused on not combusting, she’d be embarrassed at the small whine that escapes her throat when Chloe finally tastes her.

Suddenly, she feels like she might die if they stop.

She can still feel the alcohol in her system, making her dizzy, keeping her from being able to close her eyes for too long. It’s nothing compared to the way she feels when Chloe touches her, though. Chloe licks over her once, twice, three times, until Beca loses count and all she can do is cover her mouth to keep quiet. She’s not sure whether the rest of the Bellas are asleep or not and she really doesn’t want to deal with them knowing that Beca is even in Chloe’s room, never mind having _sex_ with her.

Not that she’s ashamed. _Hello_ , she’s having _sex_ with _Chloe Beale_. She’s the opposite of ashamed.

The girls can just– be _a lot_ , all at once, and… all the time.

It’s exhausting.

But then, Chloe pushes two fingers inside her as she goes from licking to sucking at Beca’s clit, and she suddenly forgets about the girls in the house and the fact that she has to stay quiet. She forgets about everything. She thinks she makes a noise but the only thing she knows right now is Chloe’s tongue, warm and soft and slow against her, and Chloe’s fingers, careful and delicate and smooth.

Chloe reaches up to pull Beca’s hand away from her mouth just as Beca lets out a loud whimper, and she feels Chloe smile against her at the sound. She pushes her head back, stretching her neck to look up at the ceiling, biting her lip to stop from crying out. It’s hard to stay quiet when Chloe is this good, but she manages to – if only slightly. One hand stays gripped in Chloe’s hair while the other squeezes the bed sheets, her throat catching with every moan that Chloe pulls from her.

When she looks back down between her legs at Chloe, she’s already watching her.

The image of Chloe in between her legs, looking at her with that look in her eyes – the same look from earlier, and maybe the last time they made out – pulls a moan from her which is much louder than the others. She can feel her stomach coiling and her insides clenching at the familiar feeling of being so, _so_ close to the edge.

She wants to moan Chloe’s name, to tell her that she’s close, to tell her not to stop under any circumstances, but the words get lost in her throat when Chloe removes her mouth and slides up Beca’s body. She’s still using two fingers to thrust inside of her but as soon as her mouth touches Beca’s, she starts to curl them, and suddenly all Beca can see is stars.

She can taste herself on Chloe’s lips and she desperately wants to kiss her back, but her hands are clenching in the sheets and her back is arching and she feels like she can’t _breathe_.

Chloe presses kisses to her heaving chest as she comes down from her high, still stroking gentle circles in between her legs. Chloe whispers something like “that was so hot” but Beca can’t really focus on anything but trying to catch her breath back, and also the twitching in her legs every time Chloe’s fingers delicately brush against her.

She can feel Chloe’s breath against her neck, teeth nipping and lips pressing softly against her warm skin. It’s everything all at once and Beca needs more.

Later, she’ll realize that she’ll always, _always_ need more from Chloe.

* * *

It’s when Chloe passes out at around four in the morning that Beca realizes what they’ve done.

She’s heard stories – mostly from Stacie – about drunken one night stands, and up until now, she’s never experienced one. Especially not one with her best friend – or at least, that’s how she sees Chloe. She’s sure that Chloe classes _all_ of the Bellas as her best friends.

And it’s not like she’s _ashamed_ but this isn’t _her_. She doesn’t go around drunkenly sleeping with her best friend – her best friend who she’s pretty sure she’s in love with and that scares the shit out of her – and she certainly wouldn’t think she’s the type of person to leave afterwards either.

But she’s heard stories from Stacie about how awkward it can be to stay overnight at somebody’s house after the two of you had drunk sex. How it’s so much easier to just leave before they notice, making it easier for both people and saving them from embarrassment; from the awkward conversation of ‘it was nice to meet you but I’m not looking for anything serious’ the next morning over coffee.

Beca hates the thought of her and Chloe becoming… that.

That’s what she tells herself when she leaves Chloe’s room that morning, after collecting her clothes.

She doesn’t want the awkward morning after talk, where Chloe tells her that what they did was a mistake and that it shouldn’t happen again, and all the bullshit that she absolutely does not want to hear.

Beca Mitchell and suppressing her feelings go hand-in-hand.

They were drunk.

Chloe probably won’t even remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual i'm [chloebeale](http://chloebeale.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> you can support my writing [here](https://ko-fi.com/M4M5ENJK)


	3. i wanna love somebody like you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry this has taken so long to update. hope you're all still with me.  
> also i'm sick so i'm uploading this while i'm pretttty sure i'm high on cough syrup so this may have a few errors in it.  
> anyway! enjoy. lemme know what you think!

_“what if i told ya / i can't take my eyes off of you / i wanna know ya / i wonder if you're feeling me too / you're throwing glances / from the other side of the room / so what if i told ya / i wanna love somebody like you / come a bit closer / there's one thing that i'd like you to know / something about ya / i wonder just how far we could go / i'm feeling emotion / i wonder if you're feeling it too / so what if i told ya / i wanna love somebody like you.”_  
– love somebody like you, joan

* * *

 

Beca wakes up to the sound of the Bellas singing Lady Gaga.

She tells herself that she hates this fucking group and their God awful need to wake up early, especially after a night of drinking. Then she smells the scent of pancakes and bacon that’s drifting through the house and she figures that maybe they’re not _that_ bad.

It doesn’t surprise Beca that the first person she’s subconsciously looking for when she goes downstairs is Chloe. It also doesn’t surprise her when she finds herself disappointed that Chloe isn’t around. Usually Chloe is her anchor on these mornings. Mornings where the Bellas are talking about the things that happened the night before. Whether it’s recalling Jessica and Ashley’s drunken rendition of I Just Can’t Wait To Be King, or laughing about the dumb dare that Amy made one of them do; they always have to be talking about _something_. 

Usually Beca uses Chloe to avoid being the victim of their stories. She hides behind her as she makes coffee, or she shoots her that _look_ that tells Chloe that she’s uncomfortable, and Chloe will divert the conversation. Sometimes she even makes herself the butt of the joke, all for Beca. Maybe that’s why Beca’s disappointed she’s not there this morning.

Or maybe it’s because Chloe Beale is her favorite thing to see when she’s just woke up; hair messy, no makeup on, usually wearing a combination of two different pairs of pajamas (a shirt with a hamster on and shorts with little turtles on them.)

On anybody else it’d look ridiculous but not on Chloe Beale.

Maybe Beca’s disappointed because seeing Chloe on a morning secures her to reality. It starts her day off right. Like if she doesn’t see Chloe on a morning then it’s going to be a terrible day.

Or maybe she just loves Chloe, and that’s enough of a reason to want to see her right now.

She ignores that thought and makes her way into the kitchen.

“Morning Beca,” Ashley greets her as she walks over to take her cup out of the cupboard. It’s the one Chloe bought her one Saturday afternoon after doing the grocery shopping. There’s a picture of a volcano on it with text underneath saying, “I lava you a lot.” It has a chip on the handle which, she guesses, is kinda dangerous and she should definitely get rid of it, but she can’t. It’s so terrible cheesy but so terribly _Chloe_ that Beca can’t find it in her to throw it away.

She runs her thumb over the chip as she walks to the other side of the kitchen where the coffee maker is. The Bellas are all saying their versions of good morning to her, and she acknowledges them all with a “morning guys” while she waits for her cup to fill.

Ashley hands her a plate of pancakes with a piece of crispy bacon on the side – just how she likes it – and she thanks her with a smile before sitting down next to Stacie at the island.

It’s not long before someone brings Chloe up. Beca’s just surprised it’s Amy and not her.

“Where _is_ Chloe anyway?” Amy asks everyone, and Beca figures they must’ve been talking about her. She wasn’t really listening because her brain seems to be somewhere else this morning, and she’s finding it hard to stop her mind from wandering to places where it _shouldn’t_ be wandering.

“Probably in her room recovering from last night,” Stacie responds. “It sounded like whoever she had over last night fucked her into a coma.”

Beca’s eyes widen as she sucks in a breath.

The thoughts she’d been trying so hard to suppress immediately surface and suddenly she’s there in that moment again, listening to Chloe moan her name and feeling her coming around her fingers. But the moment is short-lived because she’s suddenly aware of the fact that she’s choking on her bacon and the Bellas are all looking at her as if she has two heads.

It’s Jessica who rubs her back and helps her recover, asking her if she’s okay and if she needs a drink. She turns it down, though. All she needs right now is air because it feels like all the oxygen in the room is quickly disappearing and she feels like she might die if she doesn’t get out of there.

She doesn’t know why she feels jealous. She knows exactly who was in Chloe’s room last night. It’s the thought of the Bellas thinking it was somebody else that doesn’t sit well with her, but at the same time, she’s not sure what she’d do if the Bellas ever found out that it was _her_ fucking Chloe last night.

She’s making herself dizzy with all these conflicting thoughts.

“Excuse me,” she whispers, pushing her chair back with a loud squeak, and leaving before anybody can ask her where she’s going.

She takes the stairs two at a time and spends the rest of the day trying to focus on her music.

It doesn’t surprise her that all she can think about all day is Chloe Beale.

* * *

 

**_Her hand slides into Chloe’s hair as Chloe presses a few open-mouthed kisses to her navel, before slipping her fingers into the band of her underwear. She looks down, gently stroking her nails over Chloe’s scalp, pulling out a groan from Chloe that leaves her more and more breathless. She only removes her hand when Chloe sits up to pull her underwear fully off, dropping them on the floor to join the rest of their clothes._ **

**_She does the same with her own and then suddenly Beca’s aware of the fact that they’re both naked and this is happening._ **

**_“Are you okay?”_ **

**_And it’s kind of a loaded question because she’s not sure if she is okay, but she’s kind of okay with this; with being naked in front of Chloe and having her looking at her like that._ **

**_“Becs?”_ **

**_Like she could ever say no to this._ **

**_“Yeah.”_ **

“Beca?”

“Yeah.”

“Earth to Beca. Are you okay?”

She blinks and suddenly the image of Chloe in between her legs is replaced with the image of the mixing software on her laptop in front of her, and she’s no longer in Chloe’s bed, but instead she’s in her own room and someone’s hand is on her shoulder.

She blinks again, shaking her head a little to clear her mind, before looking up at the person standing above her.

Even from an unflattering angle, Chloe is still the most beautiful person she’s ever seen.

“You good? You were really out of it, just then.”

“Um.”

“You haven’t been downstairs all day, so I brought you lunch.”

“Oh.” She hates herself for not being able to form a coherent sentence, but she can’t really blame herself because Chloe is wearing her glasses again and Beca is _weak_.

“Are you okay?” Chloe asks her again, putting a hand on her forehead. “You look a little flushed, are you not feeling good?”

Beca quickly nods, using this excuse as to why her cheeks are red instead of admitting to Chloe that she was thinking about last night and how much she wants to touch her again.

She’s glad Chloe buys it.

In fact, Chloe immediately offers to drive to the store for some soup for her and suddenly she’s listing off items like cough syrup and mango smoothies and it’s all too much for Beca to handle right now. Her mind has been spinning ever since she woke up on her own this morning, going back and forth between hating herself for not staying with Chloe, and hating Chloe for not asking her to stay (not that she gave her much choice.)

But now Chloe is here in her room and she’s dying to know if Chloe actually remembers because she can’t stand the thought of them dancing around each other, awkwardly making small talk when they’re alone, and never acknowledging the fact that last night was _real_.

Beca _needs_ to know if it was real.

“Chloe.” She grabs the hand that Chloe was using to list off the different grocery items that she should get for Beca, and the spark from last night is immediately there again. Chloe stops speaking and her eyes widen a little and Beca stares at her, making eye contact for the first time since last night, and it feels like all the air in the room is gone again.

“Bec?”

“Uh, can we talk?”

* * *

 

Chloe insists on going to the store for her because she wants her to feel better, and Beca doesn’t have the heart to tell Chloe that she’s not sick.

They agree to talk it out when Chloe is back, and Beca spends the next hour alternating between having a mental breakdown over her music, daydreaming about the sounds Chloe made last night, and second guessing her decision to tell Chloe that they need to talk about _it_.

It feels like days have passed when Beca hears a small knock on her door and then the sound of someone making their way up to her room. She has no idea why Chloe “I have no boundaries” Beale still knocks every time before she enters, but she thinks it’s kinda cute – or whatever – so she doesn’t question it.

“Sorry I took so long,” Chloe says, setting a hot bowl of soup down in front of Beca. “There was this woman at the check out complaining about the price of a box of cereal because someone had put it in the wrong place so she thought it was four dollars but it was actually six fifty or something. I felt really bad for the guy at the checkout, he was trying his best. Anyway, this woman kept insisting that she–”

“–Chloe.”

Chloe sighs, as if remembering that she has to breathe in between sentences, and though Beca finds it endearing, she desperately needs to know the answers to all of her questions.

She’s surprised she hasn’t blurted anything out yet.

“Sorry,” Chloe breathes out. “I got uhh, chicken noodle soup and,” she reaches into the grocery bag, “some cough syrup, some NyQuil, green tea, soda, j–”

“–You didn’t have to… to do that.”

Chloe looks at her, smiling. “Of course, I did, you’re my best friend.”

Beca sighs. “Listen, Chloe… I–”

“–I know, Becs.”

“What?”

“I know you know… Last night. I know what we did. And I know that you know what we did. I… don’t think that made sense.”

Chloe sits down on Beca’s bed as Beca nervously twists back and forth on her chair, thinking of something to say. And she’s mad at herself because she’s the one who wanted to talk, yet she can’t seem to form words because all she can think about it the fact that they both know what they did last night, and she has no idea where they’re going to go from here.

All Beca knows is that she wants Chloe. Again. Maybe just once, or maybe forever.

“Beca?”

“Hmm?”

“It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

“I… It’s not. It’s _not_ a big deal.”

Chloe smiles. “I understand if you just want to… forget it ever happened.”

Beca hates herself for agreeing, because that’s not what she wants at all, but she’s a dumbass and her head is nodding before her brain can even catch up.

“Yeah, totally,” she murmurs. “It was…”

“A mistake?”

She feels like she’s being repeatedly sucker punched in the gut, which is a new feeling.

“Yeah, it was. Yeah.”

It’s the _worst_ feeling.

“So, we cool?”

“Yep.” Beca nods, turning away from Chloe to face her laptop.

“Okay, I gotta get back to studying.” Chloe says, standing up and placing the grocery bag on the floor next to Beca. She leans down to press a kiss to the top of Beca’s head, and Beca feels tears coming to her eyes as soon as Chloe pulls back. “Feel better. I’ll be back to check on you soon.”

She doesn’t watch Chloe leave.

* * *

 

“Beca?”

“Huh,” she blinks. “Yeah?”

“What’s going on with you?”

“What? Nothing. What’s wrong with _you?_ ”

Jesse laughs, nudging Beca with his shoulder as he pops another piece of popcorn in his mouth.

They’re leaning against the bridge, looking out at the ducks waddling across the frozen lake. Jesse had started to throw popcorn at them, like the child that he is, and Beca had punched him and told him to knock it off. Ever since then, though, her mind has been somewhere else.

It’s been a few weeks since her conversation with Chloe, but that doesn’t stop Beca from thinking about her 24/7. It’s becoming a problem. And it’s starting to affect other people too. For instance, Jesse, who had to practically drag Beca out of the house when he’d come over earlier. He took her to see a movie – she’s already forgotten what it was called and what it was about – and the two of them had taken a stroll afterwards, which led them to where they are now.

Beca thinking about Chloe, and Jesse wondering what the hell has gotten into his best friend.

Beca rubs her gloved hands together, trying to ignore the fact that Jesse is looking at her. One of the ducks on the lake slips and she almost laughs. Instead, she smacks Jesse and tells him to stop looking at her.

“You’re seriously bumming me out,” he says, throwing a piece of popcorn at her. It bounces off her forehead and lands on the ground, and Beca follows it with her eyes.

“Don’t litter,” she says, deadpan, and Jesse sighs.

“See! What the hell is that? You’re sucking the fun out of everything.”

“Because throwing popcorn at things is _so_ fun.”

“Seriously, Beca. I’m trying to help you, here. I–”

“–I didn’t ask for your help, Jesse.”

“No, I know–”

“–How about you just go back to throwing popcorn at ducks and I’ll go home. That’ll help me out a lot.”

“Beca–”

“–I don’t want to be here right now, okay? I’ll,” Beca pauses, turning away, “call you later, or… whatever.”

* * *

 

By the time she gets back to the Bella house, it’s already dark out and there’s music coming from inside. She contemplates on turning around and heading to the library or the coffee shop or literally anywhere else, but she’s cold and hungry and Jesse hadn’t given her time to pick her wallet up before dragging her out earlier, so she chooses food over her sanity.

What she doesn’t expect when she walks into the house is for the Bellas to be arguing over something and the sound of Chloe’s cries coming from the kitchen.

She quickly shrugs her coat off and throws it onto the welcome mat, not even bothering to take her boots off before she goes into the kitchen to see what the hell is going on.

“Guys! What’s going on?” Her heart stops when she sees Chloe look up from where she’d had her head in her hands. Her eyes are glossy and there are tears on her face, and Beca quickly makes her way over to her. “Chlo. Why are you crying?”

“She thinks she invented the sandwich!” Amy answers, and Jessica barks out a laugh, quickly covering it up with a cough when Beca glares at her.

“Chloe?”

“I did!” Chloe cries out, and if the empty cups around the house hadn’t given it away, Beca would have known that Chloe is drunk from the mere fact that she reeks of tequila. “Tell them I did, Beca!”

“She did,” she answers immediately, redirecting her glare from Jessica to Fat Amy. As soon as her eyes land on Chloe again, her expression shifts, and her face softens. “You did. You invented the sandwich.”

Chloe smiles drunkenly at her, and the feeling in Beca’s stomach is what she imagines being pushed into a void head first feels like.

Like she’ll never stop falling.

“You wanna try some?”

Beca smiles softly. “Sure.”

The sandwich is… a sandwich. She’s pretty sure it’s either chicken or turkey, and she hopes to God that isn’t jelly that she tastes as well.

“Um,” she swallows, putting the sandwich back down on the plate. “You invented this?”

Chloe grins. “Ya!”

“Best invention ever. Take it to Shark Tank.”

And it’s maybe the best feeling in the world, making Chloe Beale laugh right after she’s been crying. Sure, she was crying over something that Beca would usually deem stupid, but this is Chloe, and she knows that Chloe’s emotions get the best of her when she’s drunk. Plus, she knows that Chloe would do the same for her if the tables were turned, so it’s no big deal, really. It’s whatever.

And maybe she gets a little too lost in the moment because she doesn’t even question when Chloe starts to lean in, and it’s only when she feels Chloe’s lips against her forehead that she remembers there are five other girls watching them.

She pulls back, smiling a reassuring smile at the confused look Chloe gives her.

“Okay, Einstein,” she says. “You wanna go dance?”

Chloe’s face immediately lights up, but then falls just as fast, and Beca holds her breath, hoping to God that she hasn’t done something wrong. But then Chloe makes her thinking face; the one where she frowns and pouts, and tilts her head as if she’s a puppy.

(It’s the most adorable thing Beca has ever seen.)

“Einstein invented the cell phone, Beca,” Chloe says seriously.

“Um,” Beca blinks. “I don’t think that’s tr– you know what, it doesn’t matter.”

“Okay. Let’s dance!”

* * *

 

Beca should’ve known dancing with a drunk Chloe Beale would get her in this situation again; pinned against the bedroom door as Chloe’s teeth nip at her neck. She’s equally as drunk as Chloe now, which is why, she thinks, she’s letting this happen. She’s not sure if sober-her would be able to last this long without giving something away.

Maybe she’s still giving it away, though.

Maybe Chloe’s just too caught up in the moment to notice.

She's not surprised they're doing this again. Chloe had been throwing glances at her ever since she returned home that day, as if testing Beca's patience. Turns out, Beca doesn't have a lot of it.

“What are we… what– uh, doing?”

Chloe laughs against her collarbone, and Beca knows it’s because that didn’t make sense, but she can’t really find it in herself to care right now. Not when Chloe is touching her like this.

“I wanna fuck you,” Chloe whispers against her throat, and the moan that Beca lets out would be embarrassing if she cared, but she doesn’t.

The only thing she cares about is this moment being possibly short-lived if somebody catches them.

“The Bellas,” Beca breathes out. “They’re probably wondering…” she cuts herself off with a gasp as she feels Chloe’s cold hands lifting the hem of her shirt up. Her knuckles graze across Beca’s abdomen as she struggles to undo the button on Beca’s pants, and Beca uses this slight pause to catch her breath.

She honestly forgot what she was going to say.

Chloe’s forehead is resting against her chest as she looks down between them, trying – in her drunken haze – to get Beca’s jeans off. Beca’s well aware of the fact that they’re out in the open though, and she’d rather not deal with a Bella or a Treble seeing them like this.

“Wait,” Beca whispers, pushing Chloe back slightly, but still holding her close. She looks around to double check that nobody is around, before putting her hand on the door handle and grabbing Chloe’s hand with the other. “Come on.”

She shuts the door behind them and climbs up the stairs into her and Amy’s shared attic room, and she thanks God that Amy had snuck out to meet up with Bumper earlier, so the chances of them getting caught are a little smaller than usual.

Chloe’s hands are on her hips as soon as they get to the top of the stairs, and Beca doesn’t even get a chance to prepare herself before Chloe’s lips are against hers and she’s being pushed down onto the small couch in the corner of the room. There are stuffed animals and piles of Amy’s dirty laundry on it but Beca quickly shoves them onto the floor, just as Chloe pulls back from the kiss and drops to her knees. Beca’s mind immediately starts to spin at lightning speed when she thinks about the things Chloe is about to do to her. That paired with the alcohol in her system causes her stomach to clench, and she has to pause for a second to focus on keeping her breathing in check.

She can’t stop thinking about the last time they did this, though, and how much she loved hearing, feeling, _experiencing_ Chloe Beale.

Chloe hasn’t even touched her yet but the feeling of Chloe’s lips on her neck when she had her pinned against the door two minutes ago had affected her much more than she’ll ever admit, so it doesn’t surprise her when Chloe bites her lip and grins at her when she finally gets her jeans off.

“Bec,” she rasps as she trails her hands up Beca’s thighs, stopping at her underwear for a second before stroking back down her thighs again. She places a kiss on Beca’s knee, using her hand to place Beca’s other leg over her shoulder, and the look that Chloe gives her has Beca whimpering for more.

She feels kinda pathetic, that Chloe has turned her into this whining mess, but at the same time she’s not sure she’ll ever experience this kind of _need_ with anybody else. That thought alone makes her sigh in annoyance at the fact that Chloe is drawing this out and not doing what she desperately needs.

She thinks she needs Chloe more than she’s needed anything or anyone in her entire life.

“Chloe.”

“You’re so,” Chloe runs a thumb over the damp area on her underwear, smiling softly, “beautiful,” she finishes.

Beca blinks, biting her lip to stop herself from blurting something stupid out, because that is _not_ what she thought Chloe was going to say.

She focuses on her breathing and uses one hand prop herself up, the other resting over Chloe’s and pressing down lightly, a silent plea for Chloe to get on with it. Chloe notices immediately, and instead of teasing like Beca thought she would, she presses her thumb a little harder against her this time, and Beca whimpers, stroking her hand through Chloe’s hair.

It’s not enough though, and they both know it.

Before she can ask for more, Chloe pulls away, tugging at Beca’s underwear until they’re joining her jeans on the other side of the room. She pulls Beca closer by the hips until her thighs are pressed against Chloe’s ears, and Beca’s heel digs into Chloe’s back when she presses a gentle kiss against her. She kisses her way down until her tongue presses inside, and suddenly it’s too much and not enough all at once.

It’s happening way faster than Beca would like, but she’s not really in the right mindset to ask Chloe to slow down right now, so she can’t really do anything but let it happen.

It’s when Chloe adds two fingers that Beca grabs the nearest thing beside her to put over her mouth, because there’s no way they’re going to stop now, and she’d rather not let the other girls hear her, or see what she looks like when she’s coming.

She bites into the pillow, which causes her to moan even louder because now she can’t _see_ Chloe, so she doesn’t know what she’s going to do next. The image of Chloe in between her legs is one of her new favorite things, so she gets rid of the pillow and bites down on her hand instead, whining when her eyes lock with Chloe’s.

“Fuck,” she hisses, and Chloe smiles against her, but she doesn’t stop.

Beca’s not sure what she’d do if Chloe stopped now.

Maybe she’d die.

(She feels like there are worse ways to go.)

Her thighs tense and she lifts her hips up as she grips Chloe’s hair tighter and presses closer. She’s about to stop herself from potentially hurting Chloe, but the look in Chloe’s eyes lets Beca know that this is okay, and that she’s enjoying herself as much as Beca is.

So she tests the waters, pulling Chloe in a little closer again, and squeezing her hair a little bit tighter. It pulls a soft whimper from Chloe, and Beca feels her abs start to tense as her orgasm approaches much quicker than she’d hope.

Her mouth falls open as Chloe’s tongue speeds up, alternating between pushing inside and lightly flicking her clit, and that feeling along with the two fingers she has pushing inside of her is enough to drive Beca close to the edge. So close that she doesn’t think she can last a second longer.

She’s aware of the sounds she’s making but she can’t find it in herself to care right now. The Bellas have the music on loud enough to drown out their moans, she thinks, so she lets herself enjoy this moment, because she’s so close, and she’s pretty sure she’s never felt this good before.

It doesn’t surprise her that Chloe can get her this close in a matter of minutes.

“I’m– Chlo. I’m almost–” she cuts herself off, sucking in a sharp gasp as Chloe reaches up to slip her hand under her bra, fingers immediately finding Beca’s nipple. She runs a thumb over it before tugging lightly, and Beca’s eyes squeeze shut, so tight that she’s pretty sure she’s seeing stars.

“Let go, Becs,” Chloe murmurs against her as her fingers push in deeper, and the sound of her voice alone is enough for Beca to finally let go. Her back arches up off of the couch, and her hand tightens around Chloe’s hair, pulling a loud moan from her.

She rides it for what feels like forever, but as quick as it approaches, it soon dissipates. Chloe stays where she is, alternating between pressing soft kisses against Beca and stroking delicate fingers over her thighs, until Beca finally catches her breath.

“I’ll take, um,” she pants, “care of you. Just give me a sec.”

Chloe laughs against her, pushing Beca’s thighs apart before standing up. She grabs Beca’s hands and pulls her up, and it takes a second for Beca to realize what’s happening.

“I've been wanting to do that so bad,” Chloe whispers, leaning in, "ever since the last time."

Beca whimpers into her mouth before kissing her, and Chloe is quick to kiss her back, matching her eagerness. She pulls Chloe closer by her waist, trying not to melt at the fact that Chloe is cupping her face so tenderly that it feels like they do this all the time.

She almost forgets that this isn’t a normal thing for them to do.

Almost.

It’s in the forefront of her mind when Chloe pulls her onto her bed, and it’s there the next morning when she wakes up alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual i'm [chloebeale](http://chloebeale.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> you can support my writing [here](https://ko-fi.com/M4M5ENJK)


	4. all this tension, let it go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a lil bit of jeca in this but don't worry, it's not gonna become a Thing, i promise. this is strictly a bechloe story

“ _we're on that sexual vibe / you got me on that wave / i'm only here for the night / so tell me what's the play / i'm under your influence / when you're on top / you know that I'm listening / tell me what you want / we're on that sexual vibe, yeah / that sexual vibe, yeah / your effort so effortless, yeah / so don't move too fast / 'cause i like it when you / fuck with me reckless / and i'ma give it right back._ ”  
– sexual vibe, stephen puth

* * *

She doesn’t call Jesse until the afternoon, still mad at herself for being such a dick to him. Still mad at herself for leaving him alone to return home to the person who doesn’t love her. Not like he does.

(Still mad at herself for giving in to Chloe again last night.)

It frustrates her that Jesse answers the phone with a “hey, Becs!” as if nothing had happened yesterday.

“Uh, hey,” she responds. “Are you busy?”

“No, Benji and I were just about to get coffee.”

She sighs. She knows she shouldn’t ask, but she’s desperate.

“Can you come over?”

(The thing is, she doesn’t know what she’s desperate _for_.)

* * *

She decides to go downstairs for some water and an Advil to try and shake the ache that started to nag at her temples as soon as she woke up. She figures it’s because of the alcohol from the night before, and not because her brain has constantly been in overdrive ever since she and Chloe started… whatever it is that they’re doing.

Stacie is the only person Beca comes across on her journey from her room to the kitchen, so she figures the other girls are either in their rooms or in class. Stacie’s sitting at the table on her laptop, and she looks up when she hears footsteps coming into the kitchen.

She greets her with a smile and a “good morning” and Beca nods in acknowledgement as she makes her way over to the cupboard to take out a glass.

“You okay, Becs?”

Beca looks at her, frowning. “Uh, yeah. You?”

Stacie ignores her question. “You look like someone died.”

All Beca can do is laugh nervously as she fills her glass up with water, a little mad at herself for not hiding the fact that _she_ feels like she’s dying inside. She’s usually the best at that, and she hates that the girls are now able to tell when something is wrong with her.

(She hates that Jesse will _also_ know something is wrong when he gets here.)

“I’m fine, just tired,” she lies. “Um. Jesse’s coming over soon…”

She lets the sentence linger, and Stacie nods, looking back down at her laptop screen as Beca goes back to her room.

* * *

Jesse texts her when he’s here, and Beca tells him to come inside. Her head is feeling worse, and she really can’t be bothered going downstairs just to let him in when he usually lets himself in anyway.

His footsteps are heavy when he comes up the stairs, and Beca presses save on the mix she’d been working on before shutting her computer down. She picks up her laptop from beside her and stands up just as Jesse gets to the top of the stairs.

“Hey,” he greets her with an awkward smile, handing the coffee to her.

She takes it with a small “thanks” and makes her way over to her bed, letting her laptop fall onto it before she sits down with her back resting against the headboard.

“Come here,” she tells him, and he does so immediately, dropping to sit on the edge of the bed and turning to face her.

“You alright?” he asks.

He’s so kind to her. She hates herself for always being rude to him. For not treating him like he treats her. She hates that she’s in love with Chloe, when she has Jesse right here.

She hates that she doesn’t know what she wants.

“Yeah,” she answers, wrapping her hands around the hot cup of coffee. “I’m really sorry about…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize.”

She sighs. “I do, I… There’s just a lot happening right now. I know that’s not a valid excuse, but,” she pauses. “I don’t know. I was a dick, and I didn’t mean to be.”

He smiles, kicking his shoes off and moving to sit beside her. She rests her head against his shoulder instinctively, and he places a warm, comforting hand on her thigh.

(She hates that she keeps lying to herself, and the people around her.)

“You were just defending the ducks.”

She laughs, punching his leg. “You’re such an idiot.”

A comfortable silence falls over them, and Beca only removes her head from his shoulder to wordlessly reach over for her laptop. She opens it up and types Netflix into the Safari search bar before handing it to Jesse.

She thinks he’ll smile and tease her about wanting to watch a movie, but he doesn’t. He scrolls down to the TV show section and hovers over The Good Place.

She places a hand on his, stopping him.

“We can watch a movie, I don’t mind,” she says.

It’s an apology, and Jesse knows it. But he also knows that she hates movies, and she’s only doing this for him, and she’ll be asleep in ten minutes anyway.

“You hate them,” he simply says, clicking play.

She relaxes on his shoulder, moving her hand back to her lap.

She still falls asleep.

Admittedly, she lasts longer than ten minutes, but she’s exhausted. The screen light is putting a strain on her eyes, and she only means to close them for a few minutes. Truthfully, it only _feels_ like she shuts them for a few minutes, but when she comes to, she’s more tired than she felt before.

There’s a hand on the back of her neck, guiding her head down, and she blinks her eyes open to see Jesse’s face above her.

“Wha–”

“–Oh, sorry,” he says, pulling back. “I didn’t mean to wake you up, I was just making sure you didn’t, like, break your neck in your sleep.”

She sits up, and he sits down on the bed facing her.

“You okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” she rubs at her eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

He smiles. “It’s fine. You look exhausted.”

“I am.” She runs a hand through her hair, sighing. She’s been exhausted ever since Sophomore year started. Ever since she and Chloe–

“You want anything?” he asks. “Hot chocolate? Uh, soup?”

It hits her then; how alike Chloe and Jesse are. They’re both so kind, so loving, so selfless. They love making people happy, making stupid jokes, and pouting when they don’t get their own way. They’re the best people in Beca’s life, in their own special way. They’re both similar because they’re both her complete opposites.

Beca’s not sure how she attracted them both.

“Beca?”

She’s not sure of anything.

“You look like you’ve– “

She quickly leans forward, hand snaking around his neck and pulling him into her. His response is immediate, kissing her back just like he did a year ago. Soft, and slow, despite Beca’s best efforts to heat things up.

Her heart aches when she puts her hand on his shoulder and pushes him back.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, eyes searching his. “I shouldn’t have done that, I–”

(All she sees is heartbreak.)

“–No,” he interrupts, “no, it’s okay. I’m sorry.”

Her stomach starts to ache when she realizes that she _hated_ that.

She hated it because it wasn’t Chloe.

“I don’t know why I… I’m sorry, Jesse.”

His eyes are hooded, and his lips are shiny, and he blinks a few times before he stands up and looks around the room. She watches him slip his shoes on and pick up the bag that he’d dropped beside her bed when he’d arrived.

She watches and waits, because she doesn’t know what else to do.

“I should go,” he says, clearing his throat. Beca nods in agreement, still sitting in her bed, still angry at herself for thinking that she could just _do_ that and everything would be okay.

He throws an awkward wave before leaving.

Beca doesn’t come out of her room for the rest of the day.

* * *

Chloe comes to check on her when she’s asleep.

She only knows because when she wakes up, there’s a bottle of Gatorade and a sandwich from the Deli down the road on the table beside her bed. She almost misses the note that Chloe had left beside it.

A simple “ **thanks for last night** ” with a doodle of a heart beside it.

She screws it up and throws it across the room, turning over to go back to sleep.

* * *

It’s Jessica’s birthday.

That’s why they’re at a club. That’s why Beca is currently tipsy – borderline drunk – listening to an equally drunk Cynthia Rose trying to explain Texas hold ‘em to her. That’s why she’s here, and not at home working on her newest mix. Because it’s _Jessica’s birthday_ , and it’s not because Chloe had asked her, “please, Becs, come with us?” in that voice that Chloe _knows_ does things to Beca.

She’s here for Jessica, not because she doesn’t know how to say no to Chloe Beale.

“Beca? Dude, are you even listening?”

And she wants to apologize to CR for not listening to her, but her eyes are fixed on Chloe right now. _Drunk_ Chloe, who’s dancing closely with some guy who Beca’s never seen before.

“Yo,” Cynthia Rose snaps her fingers in front of Beca’s face, and Beca blinks before turning to look at her.

“Sorry. What?”

“She’s a big girl,” Cynthia says, “she can take care of herself.”

It takes a second for her to realize that she’s talking about Chloe.

All she can do is laugh nervously, because yeah, _that’s_ what she was worried about. Not the fact that it should be _her_ up there dancing with Chloe like that.

Before she can say anything else, Amy and Jessica appear out of nowhere with a tray full of shots, and Ashley is screaming at Chloe to come over. Beca turns to watch, curious as to whether Chloe can actually hear them. She can though, because she’s looking up and she’s grinning as she pushes the guy back – just like that – and makes her way over to the table.

When Chloe leans over Beca to reach for a shot glass, Beca can practically _smell_ the desire radiating off of Chloe’s skin.

It makes her feel sick that _she_ wasn’t the one to do that to her.

“You okay, Bec?” Chloe asks her, and all Beca can do is nod and smile, and accept the glass that Jessica hands to her.

“To Jessica!” Stacie yells, and the rest of them repeat it before throwing the shots back.

The alcohol burns her throat, but that doesn’t stop her from accepting another when Amy offers.

* * *

The drunker Chloe gets throughout the night, the longer she spends at Beca’s side. Occasionally she’ll wander off to dance with Stacie, or to buy drinks for Jessica, but her presence is still just _there_ , surrounding Beca, and it feels like she’s being suffocated every time her eyes land on her.

It’s there when Chloe is at the bar, turning to look at Beca. It’s there when she excuses herself to go to the bathroom, and Beca can practically _feel_ Chloe begging to follow her. It’s there like a nagging feeling that Beca can’t shake, and she’s surprised at herself for being able to resist it for as long as she has.

That is, until Chloe takes her hand and pulls her towards the bar.

“What are we doing?” Beca asks, and she’s not quite sure what she means.

**_What are we doing right now? What are we doing tonight? What are we doing when we get back home? What are we doing to each other?_ **

“Shots!”

“More shots? Chloe, I–”

“–Tequila shots,” Chloe clarifies, and Beca gulps.

Fine. She’s fine with this. It’s just a shot. They’ll take it and then they’ll go back to their friends and that’ll be it.

“Okay,” Beca responds, her heart pounding when she feels Chloe move closer to her as she flags down the bartender.

The two tequila shots are placed in front of them, and Beca waits as Chloe pays. She doesn’t miss the way the bartender checks Chloe out, and she feels a possessive tug in her gut that causes her to wrap her arm around Chloe’s waist.

If Chloe notices, she doesn’t mention it.

(They’re good at not mentioning things.)

She knows it’s a bad idea, but when Chloe tugs lightly on the collar of her shirt to move it out of the way, Beca doesn’t question it. When she squeezes a bit of the lime juice onto Beca’s neck, and then slips the lime past her lips, telling her to hold it there, Beca complies. When Chloe sprinkles a touch of salt onto the juice on her neck, before picking up the shot glass, Beca can’t find any part of her body telling her to stop this.

And maybe having Chloe’s tongue on her neck while they’re out in the open, where any of the Bellas can see, turns Beca on much more than it would have if they were alone, so _that’s_ new.

She licks the salt, throws the shot back, and then her lips are around the same lime that Beca’s lips are around, and Beca’s nails are digging into her hand because she’s squeezing so hard. Chloe’s hands come up to cup her face just as their lips brush. The juice from the lime runs down their chins, and when Chloe pulls back and spits the lime out, Beca’s stomach coils.

Chloe wipes her chin with the back of her hand, just like she did last week when she had gone down on Beca after the party, and it does things to Beca that she’s never felt before.

“Chloe,” she rasps. It’s desperate and she knows it, but she can’t help it. Not when Chloe is looking at her like _that_.

Chloe knows what that means, too. She can sense the _need_ in Beca’s voice; can sense the pure lust she’s feeling in this moment.

She hands the other shot glass to Beca, and Beca downs it immediately, not bothering with the lime or the salt.

Within seconds, Chloe is pulling her through the crowds of people and into the restroom.

* * *

The back of her head hits the door a little too hard, but she doesn’t really care.

She _can’t_ care, because Chloe’s mouth is on her neck again and her hands are pinning Beca’s wrists above her head against the toilet stall. Only this time, when Chloe licks up from her neck to her earlobe, Beca doesn’t hold back the moan. The loud music in the club means she can be as loud as she wants, and it’s not hard to be loud when Chloe Beale is the one touching her.

A soft whimper escapes her throat when Chloe bites down a little too harsh against her pulse point. She knows there’ll be a mark there soon, but she can’t find it in herself to care all that much.

“Chloe,” she groans, grinding up into her, because she need more of this now or she might possibly _die_. She needs to touch Chloe, or she needs Chloe to touch her. She needs one of them to move things along, otherwise she’s pretty sure she’ll explode.

No matter how much she tries to break free from Chloe’s grasp to touch her though, she can’t.

 _That_ frustrates her more than it did seeing Chloe dance with somebody else. Because she needs to touch Chloe. She needs to know if this is real or if she’s actually back at home in bed, having the most vivid dream imaginable.

She needs to touch Chloe because she feels like she’s always the one taking, and she doesn’t want that. Not tonight.

When Chloe kisses her, she uses the opportunity to bite down on Chloe’s lip, causing her to gasp and pull back a little. Her grip loosens, and Beca quickly pushes her backwards, until they’re no longer touching.

They stand opposite each other, panting, fighting the urge to be the first to give in.

Chloe looks confused.

Beca’s breath hitches.

She’s not dreaming.

Her body moves on it’s own, stepping forward to pull Chloe close to her again. Their lips meet in a heated but tender kiss, and Beca feels her knees grow weak at the soft “oh” that Chloe moans into her mouth.

She turns them around, so Chloe is the one leaning against the door, and she doesn’t waste any time. Not like they usually do. She reminds herself that they’re in _public_ , and anybody could walk in and figure out what they’re doing; any of the _Bellas_ could walk in and figure out what they’re doing

(She’s not embarrassed, she’s just a little selfish.)

She drops to her knees as Chloe lifts her skirt up, and Beca leans in to press a kiss against Chloe’s stomach. Her hips buck forward and Beca quickly slides her underwear down her legs, looking up at Chloe to gauge her reaction; to see if this is okay.

Chloe is breathing heavily, and all she has to do is nod before Beca is leaning in and attaching her mouth to her. Chloe’s head quickly falls back against the restroom door with a soft thud, as one of her hands slips into Beca’s hair.

It surprises her how wet Chloe already is, and a thought passes through her mind.

**_What if the guy she was dancing with did this to her?_ **

She pauses for only a brief moment, but it’s long enough for Chloe to lift her head in confusion and look down at her to see what’s wrong.

“Beca,” she whimpers at the loss. “Why’d you stop?”

She thinks about asking Chloe why she’s _this_ wet. If it _was_ the guy she was dancing with. If she’d rather be with him than be here with her right now. She wants to ask Chloe if she’s even doing this for her, or if she just needs release. Wants to ask what it is exactly that they’re even doing.

All of that gets lost in her throat when Chloe strokes a hand through her hair and pulls her towards her.

This time, Beca doesn’t stop.

Chloe’s moans are quiet and soft, and Beca knows it’s because they’re in public and she doesn’t want to be too loud. That doesn’t stop Beca from testing her, though.

She lifts Chloe’s leg up to drape over her shoulder so she can get a better angle, and she hears the effect it has on Chloe immediately. Her hand grips Beca’s hair a little tighter and her soft whimpers turn into heavy, hot breaths pressed against the arm that she now has pressed against her mouth.

The tip of her tongue flicks against Chloe’s clit, and she hisses when Chloe’s grip on her head tightens.

“Oh my God,” Chloe moans out. “That’s…” she trails off into a breathy moan. “So… so…”

When Beca looks up, Chloe’s head is resting against the door. She can’t see her face because her arm is in the way, but she can imagine that it looks a lot like it did when Beca went down on her a few weeks ago.

Only, the memory is a little foggy, and Beca _needs_ to _see_ the effect she has on her.

She stops again.

Chloe groans in frustration.

“Fuck, Beca, I swear to God if you–”

She’s cut off by Beca swiftly standing up and turning her around. Her knees are aching from kneeling on the ground, but she doesn’t really care. She needs to touch Chloe again; to _watch_ her come apart just for her.

“What are you doing?”

She runs a hand up Chloe’s thigh, fingers dancing over the warm skin in between her legs until it reaches the wetness that she had just been tasting a second ago. The tip of her middle finger strokes over Chloe’s clit, and the new angle causes her whine; to slap her hand against the door and bite her lip to stop from crying out.

“I’m fucking you,” Beca breathes out against Chloe’s shoulder. Chloe’s forehead presses hard against the surface and Beca presses a kiss to the back of her neck as she slips two fingers through her wetness.

It’s easy to see Chloe’s reaction now. To watch her eyes fall shut and her lips to part as she pushes back against Beca. She’s so desperate and responsive, every moan causes Beca’s stomach to twist inside her.

“Bec,” she moans, “baby.”

The nickname causes a jolt of something to rush through Beca’s body, and if she wasn’t so drunk on beer and tequila and Chloe, she’d hate the fact that Chloe has that effect on her.

She doesn’t hate it, though. Not right now. She loves hearing Chloe moan her name. She loves when Chloe presses against her again and again, rocking her hips back for more friction. She loves the cute little whine she does when Beca doesn’t give her that.

She loves that Chloe is at her beck and call, ready to do whatever she wants if it means she’ll get to come soon.

She loves having the power over Chloe for once, so, she uses it to her advantage.

Her fingers enter her slowly, and Chloe is biting at her hand to stop herself from moaning too loud at being teased. And Beca smiles against Chloe’s shoulder as she pulls out gently, dragging her fingers away from where Chloe needs her the most, because she _loves_ this.

Hearing Chloe’s frustrated groan makes her feel for her – just a little – but she doesn’t give in. Not yet.

Her tongue finds Chloe’s earlobe, biting gently.

“Beca, please,” Chloe moans. “Please.”

And Beca’s not one for talking dirty. Frankly, she finds it awkward and embarrassing. Up until now, she’d never really been a vocal person in bed. Up until now, she never really _liked_ vocal people in bed.

But this is Chloe Beale, and she brings these things out of Beca that she would have never imagined.

Like whispering “how bad do you want it?” in Chloe’s ear while she has her pinned against a bathroom stall door.

The words have an immediate effect on Chloe. She pushes back against her again, only this time Beca pulls her hand away, and Chloe doesn’t get any pleasure from it. It causes her to groan, and Beca smiles as she rubs her hand over the smooth skin of Chloe’s ass. It’s not what Chloe wants, but it still pulls a soft, breathy sigh from her.

“Please, Beca.”

“Tell me what you want.” She squeezes Chloe’s hip with one hand as her other slides up her stomach until she reaches the fabric of Chloe’s bra. Her hand instinctively squeezes when she feels the lace, and she desperately wants to strip them both down bare and fully appreciate Chloe, but she has to remind herself that they’re in public and soon, the Bellas will be looking for them.

She’s about to ask Chloe what she wants again, when she hears Chloe moan. Usually, she’d be fine with that. She’d write that off as Chloe being needy. But she hears exactly _why_ Chloe is moaning, and she looks down questioningly, to see that her suspicions were right.

She pulls Chloe’s hand away from where she’d been touching herself, and Chloe whines

“Beca–”

She cuts her off by abruptly slipping two fingers inside her from behind.

The response she gets is definitely worth the strain in her wrist.

“Oh my God, h-harder,” Chloe moans, and Beca obeys immediately.

Her fingers pound into Chloe hard and fast, while her other hand focuses on tweaking her nipple. That, paired with the fact that she’s nibbling at Chloe’s ear, is enough to bring her close to the edge.

“I’m- _fuck_ , Beca.” She lets out a particularly loud moan when Beca kicks her foot to the side, causing her legs to open a little wider. She pushes her ass out until she’s almost bent over, and Beca twists her hand slightly so she can go deeper. She curls her fingers, pulling another particularly loud moan from Chloe that makes her bite her hand again.

Her legs start to shake and her body tenses, and Beca quickly drops to her knees again so she can finger her at a better angle. Her hand twists, this time so she can push her thumb against her clit. The action causes Chloe to cry out, and Beca watches as she comes with a strangled cry.

Beca helps her through it with soft kisses pressed against her skin, until Chloe’s body starts to twitch, and she pulls away.

“Holy shit, Beca,” Chloe laughs, reaching down to pull her underwear back up. Beca smiles as she helps her adjust her skirt, leaning against her when they’re done.

She stands on her tiptoes and leans up to press a kiss to Chloe’s cheek. It’s a soft gesture that immediately has her panicking in case Chloe figures out exactly _how_ much this all means to her.

Chloe just smiles, though. She smiles, and she cups Beca’s face and kisses her soundly, before she pulls back and asks how she looks.

“You look,” Beca pauses. She wants to say beautiful, but that isn’t what Chloe is asking. She’s asking her if she looks like she just got fucked by her best friend in a bathroom stall.

(Beca can easily answer that.)

“Bec?”

“Great,” she settles on. “You look fine. You go ahead, I’ll be out in five.”

She sees the question in Chloe’s eyes.

“Ya know, in case the Bellas see us,” she says, looking away.

She doesn’t see the hurt look on Chloe’s face before she leaves the stall.

* * *

It quickly - and officially - becomes a _thing_.

At first, Beca’s not sure if she wants it to be a thing. She’s seen this play out before in books, TV shows, and a couple movies that Jesse made her watch. It’s great in the beginning. It’s all fun and games, until one day one of them falls in love, and it gets messy, and everything goes to shit.

Beca’s not sure if she wants it to be a _thing_ , because she’s pretty sure she’s _already_ in love with Chloe – she’s way past the point of questioning her feelings now – so she knows for a fact that there’s no good way out of this.

At least, not for her anyway.

So, she almost says no; almost tells Chloe they should stop, before things get even more out of hand. Chloe may be a little upset, but she’ll understand. She’s Chloe Beale. She’s the most understandable – the most _gentle_ and _loving_ – person Beca has ever met. She’ll get it.

But it’s a _thing_ now, and despite her best efforts to try and convince herself she doesn't want it, she knows that she _does_. So she doesn’t say no when Chloe asks to slip into her bed late at night, when all the Bellas are asleep. She lets Chloe drag her away from Bella and Treble parties to fuck her against the bathroom door. She doesn’t push Chloe away when she goes down on her in the middle of the kitchen when they’re the only two people in the house. She knows she should end it, but every part of her is telling her to keep going. To let Chloe use her however she wants

Plus, Chloe is graduating soon. They're now - and always have been, she guesses - on borrowed time, so Beca tells herself that she can handle it until the end of the school year.

After that, she’s done.

After that, she _and Chloe_ are done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual i'm [chloebeale](http://chloebeale.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> you can support my writing [here](https://ko-fi.com/M4M5ENJK)


	5. it's so typical for me to fall for your kind

_"i like you / sorry, i never meant to / but who we kidding, it wasn't like i had a say / one look at you and i won't have it any other way / i want you / i want you to want me too / i know that i signed up for this casually / but i fell for your tricks, now I'm the casualty."_  
– i like u, niki

* * *

 

Beca’s sophomore year ends with the Bellas celebrating another ICCA win. Another trophy is placed on the shelf; another banner is hung on the wall.

She and Jesse had gone back to being friends not long after their kiss, which she’s thankful for. It gives her a reason to leave the Bella house whenever she doesn’t feel like dealing with Chloe, or the Bellas, or life in general. She can just go hang out with Jesse, and things feel _normal_ , and not like she’s slowly falling apart.

It’s hard, seeing the love present in Jesse’s eyes when she turns up on his doorstep; when she tells him she brought him lunch; when she asks him to play her a song on his guitar.

He seems okay, though, and she’s not one for cutting out good, important people from her life, despite how much her brain tells her that she should do that exact thing to Chloe.

Beca’s sophomore year ends way too fast.

It ends with Chloe telling her she’s not graduating.

She swears she’s supposed to feel elated at the fact that her best friend – her lover, if she can call her that – is staying in Barden for another year, but she _can’t_. She should be happy that she gets to spend another year with Chloe, because if she’s honest, she wasn’t _ready_ to say goodbye.

(She’s not sure she’ll _ever_ be ready to say goodbye to Chloe.)

“I failed again,” Chloe tells her, playing with her hair. “But I… It was on purpose this time.”

“What? Why would you do that?”

“I don’t know what I want,” Chloe whispers. It’s so quiet that Beca can barely hear it over the sound of the music blaring in the back yard of the Treble house.

She looks over at the Bellas dancing by the pool, celebrating their win, and she’s confused because she should be celebrating with them. Instead, she’s sharing a lounge chair with Chloe, _holding_ her as if they’re something more than they are, while Chloe’s head rests on her shoulder.

“So, you’re…”

“Staying,” Chloe finishes for her.

Beca hates herself for wanting to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Because Chloe isn’t graduating, which means they’re not _done._

* * *

Chloe goes home to Florida for the summer, and she asks Beca to go with her.

“You’ll be staying in Atlanta anyway, right?” Chloe asks her one evening after a Bella movie night. “Come home with me, I’m gonna be so bored without you.”

She shouldn’t. She _can’t_.

She should say no. She should say that it’s a bad idea – this whole arrangement is a terrible idea; one of the worst ideas they’ve ever had – because one of them will end up hurt, and she’s terrified because she _knows_ that she’s the one who’s going to get hurt.

(Maybe she’s already hurt. Maybe she’s heartbroken. But Chloe’s smile – Chloe’s everything – is really good at temporarily healing that pain.)

She should say no because going home with Chloe for the summer will mean questions from Chloe’s family, and she’s met Chloe’s mom and brother. She knows how pushy they can be. She should say no because the Bellas will ask questions, and she can’t deal with questions right now. She can’t deal with people asking her what she and Chloe _are_ , exactly, because she doesn’t _know_ what they are _._

“I… I can’t.”

“Oh. That’s okay.”

She wants to explain, but she’s managed to say no to Chloe for the first time in her life, and she’s still celebrating that small victory so maybe her reasoning can wait.

(Maybe her reasoning is something she feels she’ll _never_ be able to say out loud. Ever.

At least, never to Chloe’s face.)

* * *

“What’s the deal with you and Chloe?”

She doesn’t hear him at first, too focused on the video game she’s playing. She’s just about to land a headshot when she feels Jesse push at her arm, and she looks at him from her spot on the floor next to his bed.

“What?” She looks back at the screen, panicking when she sees an enemy coming towards her. Before she even gets the chance to pull her other gun out, she’s dead. “Shit. Great!” she throws the controller on the floor, sighing, “you fucking killed me.”

“Technically,” Jesse squints to look at the kill cam, “Big Billy two thousand and nine killed you.”

She throws a cushion at him and he dodges it, grinning at her with that goofy smile that makes him look like a child. All she can do is laugh in response.

“What did you want, weirdo?”

His smile falters. “Nothing.”

“Dude.”

“No, I just… I was just wondering what was going on with you and Chloe. Are you guys, like…”

She can’t bear to hear the rest of that sentence, so she cuts him off with a “we’re nothing” and a shrug, but she knows he doesn’t buy it. And she desperately wants him to drop it, but this is the first time he, or _anyone_ , has asked her about Chloe and all her emotions from the past two years are quickly starting to bubble up inside of her.

“Oh, Beca,” he whispers.

(They bubble up so fast that she doesn’t realize she’s crying until he’s sitting beside her on the floor with his arms wrapped tightly around her.)

“It’s okay,” he says. The gentleness of his tone forces Beca’s heart to clench and a sob escapes her throat when it does.

Jesse rubs her back, and her whole body hurts with each breath she lets out but she can’t stop. She’s trembling, squeezing Jesse as tight as she can, hoping to God that if she squeezes hard enough, she’ll wake up and this will all have been a terrible dream.

“Shh, I’ve got you.”

She looks up at him and whimpers and she wants to apologize or thank him, but she’s trying to focus on keeping her breathing in check because she feels like she’s about to hyperventilate.

“Hey,” he whispers. His eyes are watery, and his smile is soft and kind as one of his hands come up to wipe her face. “You’re okay.”

She shakes her head, bringing her hand up to wipe her eyes with her knuckles.

“I know. You love her so much,” he whispers, and her stomach coils. “I know, Beca.”

It’s the first time she’s heard it out loud. The first time somebody besides herself has acknowledged it.

She wonders, briefly, if the Bellas know too. If they can see how much she loves her best friend. She wonders if they talk about it behind her back; wonders if they feel sorry for her, for being stupid enough to fall in love with somebody she’ll never have.

“I’m sorry,” is all she can say.

She’s not sure who she’s apologizing to; Jesse or herself.

* * *

She starts her period the next day, and writes _that_ off as the reason she cried herself to sleep the previous night as Jesse stroked her hair and told her everything would be okay.

 _Because it is okay_ , she tells herself. _It’s fine._

* * *

Chloe doesn’t call or Facetime her often over the course of the summer, but they text every day.

(On the rare days Chloe _does_ Facetime her, Beca can only stand to be on the phone for fifteen minutes before she feels the familiar tug in her stomach, telling her to just tell Chloe the truth.

Chloe doesn’t ask why she has to hang up, so Beca doesn’t tell her.)

She’s watching a movie with her dad and her stepmom when the first text comes in, the second following a few seconds later.

 **[9:33PM] Chloe:** Hey I miss you  
**[9:33PM] Chloe:** You busy?

It’s innocent enough, so she responds immediately.

 **[9:33PM] Beca:** not rly, watching a movie. whats up?

When she looks back on this, she’ll realize that she should’ve known Chloe’s intentions, because Chloe doesn’t ask _why_ she’s watching a movie, or _who_ she’s watching a movie with. She doesn’t tease Beca at all, which is a first.

 **[9:34PM] Chloe:** I’m bored

 **[9:34PM] Beca:** same

 **[9:34PM] Chloe:** Tell me something

 **[9:35PM] Beca:** uhhh what do u want me to tell u?

 **[9:35PM] Chloe:** IDK, something  
**[9:35PM] Chloe:** Tell me what you’re wearing

Beca gulps, looking over at her dad to see that his eyes are shut as his chin rests against his chest. She thinks about kicking him to wake him up because _surely_ that’s not a comfortable position, but she’s paralyzed in her seat, fingers positioned over the keys on her phone, wondering what she should say.

She goes with the truth.

 **[9:37PM] Beca:** sweatpants and my barden hoodie

She’s about to ask Chloe the same question, but the three dots pop up immediately.

 **[9:37PM] Chloe:** You should take them off

Her eyes widen, and she snaps her head up to see if her dad has somehow magically gained the power to see through a phone screen. He’s still asleep, though, and Sheila’s eyes are on the screen, tearing up as she watches Richard Gere pull up in a limo outside Julia Roberts’ house.

_What’s this movie called again?_

She shakes her head to rid herself of the thought and looks back at her phone screen. She pulls the bottom of the screen up and lowers the brightness, just in case.

 **[9:38PM] Beca:** my dad and sheila are like right there

 **[9:38PM] Chloe:** go to your room then :(

She sighs.

“Um, hey.” Sheila looks up at her, her eyes full of tears. “Is it almost over?”

“Yes, now shhh.”

 **[9:39PM] Chloe:** Becaaaa  
**[9:39PM] Chloe:** I miss you  
**[9:39PM] Chloe:** Like, I MISS miss you

“I’m gonna head to bed, I’m pretty tired.”

 **[9:40PM] Beca:** give me 2 mins

Frankly, it’s a little embarrassing how much Chloe’s words can affect her, especially since she can’t even _hear_ her saying them. But she’s always had a pretty good imagination, and imagining Chloe moaning those words into her ear isn’t that hard to do. Especially because she’s heard them so many times before.

(“I miss you,” Chloe will say after a Bella rehearsal, even though they’ve been together all day.  
“I need you,” she’ll moan in Beca’s ear as she pulls her closer and pushes Beca’s hand down her pants.  
“Fuck me,” she’ll whimper against her lips, causing a shiver to run up Beca’s spine.)

She locks her door and drops down onto her bed, desperately wishing she was back at the Bella house so she had more privacy – so she can be as loud as she wants.

The text conversation is still open on her phone and Chloe hasn’t responded, and she thinks about waiting until she does, but her body is getting impatient.

 **[9:42PM] Beca:** iuim in my room now  
**[9:42PM] Beca:** i’m*  
**[9:42PM] Beca:** sorry

“Get yourself together,” she whispers to herself.

 **[9:43PM] Chloe:** Finally  
**[9:43PM] Chloe:** You should take your clothes off now  
**[9:43PM] Chloe:** If it makes you feel better I’m not wearing anything

And Beca can’t help it. She’s typing out the reply and hitting send before she can even think.

 **[9:43PM] Beca:** show me

She shouldn’t be surprised that Chloe actually _does_ show her. She knows that Chloe is confident about her body – and like she’s said before, she _definitely_ should be – so the fact that Chloe sends a picture immediately doesn’t shock her.

It’s the fact that Chloe is _already_ touching herself that shocks her.

 **[9:44PM] Beca:** oh you’re like **  
[9:44PM] Beca:** REALLY naked

 **[9:45PM] Chloe:** Your turn

“Shit.”

Beca, on the other hand, is _not_ so confident about all of… _whatever_ it is that she has. She doesn’t think she’s like, disgusting, but she’s certainly not as attractive as Chloe, and the thought of her having to send a photo of herself to somebody causes her anxiety to skyrocket.

But then, before she even has chance to _think_ about panicking, her brain – the _nice_ part of it that shows itself once in a while – tells her that even though she’s not as fit and toned as Chloe, she’s still kinda beautiful in her own way. And Chloe must think so too, otherwise she wouldn’t be _asking_.

“Fuck it,” she mutters, pulling her hoodie off and throwing it across the room before opening the camera app on her phone.

It takes a few tries, but she eventually gets a photo of herself that looks good enough to send. She still has her sweatpants on, but they’re only partly showing. The rest of the photo shows her left arm delicately laying over her stomach, with her black bra contrasting perfectly with her pale skin.

She sucks in a deep breath and exhales quickly, before sending the picture.

The reply comes in immediately, and Beca can’t stop the grin from lighting up her entire face when she reads it.

 **[9:49PM] Chloe:** Holy SHIT beca **  
[9:49PM] Chloe:** How are you so perfect?

She reminds herself not to get too excited at the fact that this feels a lot like something that people in _relationships_ do.

 **[9:49PM] Chloe:** Like for real  
**[9:49PM] Chloe:** You’re gorgeous

 **[9:50PM] Beca:** uh what are you doing?

 **[9:50PM] Chloe:** Complimenting you

 **[9:50PM] Beca:** no I mean like  
**[9:50PM] Beca:** what are you….. doing

 **[9:50PM] Chloe:** Oh! I’m touching myself  
**[9:51PM] Chloe:** Are you?

She focuses on her breathing for a hot minute, because this is _happening_.

 **[9:52PM] Chloe:** Beca?  
**[9:52PM] Chloe:** Baby

The whimper that escapes her mouth is embarrassing and she coughs to cover it up, even though nobody can hear her.

 **[9:52PM] Beca:** yeah I’m here sorry

Her hand drops to rest over her sweatpants, playing with the strings.

 **[9:52PM] Chloe:** are you thinking about me too?

 **[9:52PM] Beca:** yeah

(She resists the urge to add “always” onto the end of the text.)

 **[9:53PM] Chloe:** I’ve been thinking about you all day  
**[9:53PM] Chloe:** Thinking about fucking you

Her stomach twists and the fingers that had been dancing over her stomach finally dip into her sweatpants. The thought of Chloe moaning these things to her has her embarrassingly turned on, and she’s only glad that Chloe can’t see the effect that this is having on her.

(Though, if she’s honest, she knows Chloe would love it.)

 **[9:53PM] Beca:** yeah?

 **[9:53PM] Chloe:** mmhm  
**[9:53PM] Chloe:** I’m so wet, Beca

Her finger slips through her folds and she lets out a quiet moan as she thinks about Chloe doing the same. Chloe watching her as she slips a finger inside of herself, letting out those soft, subtle moans that Beca absolutely adores.

 **[9:54PM] Chloe:** Are you touching yourself?

 **[9:54PM] Beca:** yeah  
**[9:54PM] Beca:** I’m wet too  
**[9:54PM] Beca:** sorry I’m not good at this

 **[9:54PM] Chloe:** It’s okay sweetie

The nickname has her smiling softly, despite current circumstances.

( ** _It’s kinda unbelievable_** , she thinks to herself, **_how incredibly in love I am with this girl_**.)

 **[9:55PM] Chloe:** can you send another photo?

So incredibly in love, that she doesn’t hesitate to take a photo of the hand that she currently has in her pants.

Chloe’s response is similar to the first time she sent a photo, but this time with more horny face emojis. And Beca laughs to herself because of _course_ Chloe’s the type of person to send emojis while they’re sexting.

The last text she sends pulls Beca out of her soft state though, and her hips immediately buck of their own accord. The action causes her to add more pressure – more than she had been doing before – and she bites her lip to hold back the moan.

 **[9:56PM] Chloe:** I wish that was my tongue between your legs instead

 **[9:56PM] Beca:** fuck

It’s hard to type with one shaking hand, and she thanks _God_ for autocorrect before she presses send.

 **[9:56PM] Beca:** I wish I could hear you

She should’ve known not to send that.

She should’ve known Chloe would call her as soon as she read it.

This isn’t one of those moments where she can claim her phone was on silent, or she didn’t hear it ringing. This is one of those moments where Chloe _knows_ she’s going to pick up the phone; where Chloe knows exactly what to _expect_ when Beca answers.

She sucks in a deep breath and accepts the call.

“Hi.”

Her voice sounds foreign to her, like she’s not in her own body. It’s deep and raspy, and Chloe lets Beca know the effect it has on her immediately.

“God, Beca, I’ve missed your voice.”

A shiver runs up Beca’s spine as she slips two fingers inside, and she wonders whether Chloe is feeling this way too.

“Beca?”

“Yeah,” she breathes out, “fuck.” Her hips twitch as she applies pressure against her clit, and she presses the phone harder against her ear at the same time, hoping to hear Chloe’s moans more clearly.

(It doesn’t make a difference, but she likes to think it does.)

And it’s not as good as having Chloe on top of her, but it’s damn near close. Her eyes drift closed, and she can see Chloe there immediately, eyes full of lust and wonder and _love_ as she grinds against Beca’s thigh.

“Baby,” Chloe moans, “you sound so _good_.”

“You– _shit_ , Chloe, you do too.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking about.”

She arches her back a little, her hips grinding upwards and against her hand. The fact that she still has her sweatpants on makes it harder for her to get the angles that she’d prefer, but she can’t stop now. Not when she’s already this close.

“Beca, tell me.”

“You,” she answers immediately. “You– _fuck_ – you inside me.”

The moan she gets in response makes her breath hitch. She pulls out slowly and starts to rub tight circles on her clit instead, because she recognizes that pattern of breathing on the other side of the phone. She knows that Chloe is close, and she desperately wants them to come together like they have done so many times before.

“Are you close, Beca?”

“Almost. Almost… h–uh…”

“I’m gonna–”

“–No,” she blurts out, interrupting Chloe. She hears her moan a little louder and she turns her head to press hard against the pillow underneath her. “Don’t,” she whimpers, “don’t come yet.”

Chloe whines but she whispers “okay,” in a low voice, and if Beca wasn’t preoccupied, she’d take note of the pure desire in Chloe’s voice at being told what to do.

“Beca.”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t – _oh my God_ – I can’t wait to come back home to you.”

The orgasm hits her at full force. She’s vaguely aware of her back arching as she turns her head and stifles her moans into the pillow, but it’s all a little blurry; all a little indistinct due to the waves of pleasure rushing through her body.

She realizes, when the intense part of it is over, that Chloe is moaning loudly on the other end of the phone, uttering “I’m coming” before she’s choking back screams that make Beca’s head feel like it’s about to explode.

Her body twitches as she runs slick fingers over the most sensitive parts of herself, listening in awe at the sound of Chloe’s moans and heavy breathing.

She finds herself wondering if it’s always going to be like this. If Chloe will always manage to turn her into this fumbling wreck.

“Holy shit,” Chloe laughs, breaking the silence. “That was…”

“Something,” Beca answers.

“ _Yeah_ , it was something.”

Beca’s throat tightens unexpectedly and she has to take a few deep breaths to stop herself from overthinking that one, innocent sentence.

A few seconds of reflective silence pass, and at first Beca thinks that Chloe has hung up the phone. That she’s got what she wants and now she’s done. But when she pulls the phone back to see that Chloe is still on the call, she clears her throat to get her attention.

“Chlo?”

“Hmm?”

“You falling asleep?”

Chloe snorts out a laugh, and Beca tries not to think about how adorable the sound is, even after all of _that_.

“Yeah.”

“Want me to hang up?”

“No.”

She slips under the covers, keeping the phone pressed against her ear.

“Beca?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Good. Stay with me.”

She clenches her jaw and closes her eyes.

“I will.”

“G’night, Beca.”

A content smile tugs at the corners of her lips, and she has to bite them to stop from grinning.

“Goodnight, Chloe.”

* * *

Beca picks Chloe up from the airport, despite the fact that Chloe could easily get a cab back to the Bella house since it’s only a fifteen minute drive.

She picks Chloe up, and she almost cries when she sees her standing there, looking as beautiful as she did when she left at the beginning of the summer, standing in wait for Beca and _only_ Beca.

She yells Chloe’s name to catch her attention, and a huge grin forms on Chloe’s face when she turns and realizes who shouted her. And then she’s running and Beca immediately panics because someone might steal her suitcase, but then Chloe’s body is crashing against hers and she feels like she’s _home_ for the first time in her life.

“Jesus, Chlo, you’re crushing me.”

“I don’t care,” she cries against her shoulder. “I missed you so much.”

“Yeah, I… me too.”

* * *

Beca’s Junior year begins with Chloe in between her legs at an acapella party.

She’s drunk and she can’t remember which group the house belongs to, but it’s louder than normal, which means Chloe is pulling all sorts of sounds from her that she’s never heard herself make before.

Before Chloe had dropped to her knees, she’d set an alarm on her phone, just in case they lost track of time. By the time it goes off, Beca’s just recovering from her third orgasm of the night, and she has a feeling that once they get back to the Bella house, it’ll be time for her to return the favor to Chloe.

(She desperately can’t wait for it to be her turn.)

They return to the party after making themselves look presentable. Chloe tells her that she looks _fine_ , but that doesn’t stop the anxiety and paranoia from rising up inside her when she makes her way past the people hanging around on the stairs.

“Relax,” Chloe tells her, squeezing her hand. “I’m gonna go get us a drink.”

She wanders off to find Jesse or one of the girls; to find somebody to talk to, so she doesn’t go crazy wondering if these people know what just happened upstairs. She checks the living room, then she checks the backyard. She even checks the front yard just in case. Nobody is around, though, and she figures everybody has left, so she heads into the kitchen to find Chloe because she’d rather not be left on her own in some stranger’s house. She's pretty sure that's how horror movies begin.

Someone knocks into her on her way through the dining room and she sighs when she looks down to see that they’ve spilled beer on her shoes. She doesn’t know who it is but they’re apologizing profusely, and she tells them it's fine as she pushes them away from her. She continues to look for Chloe - or anyone - but as soon as she reaches the kitchen, she stops in her tracks.

* * *

Beca’s junior year begins similarly to her freshman year.

Standing alone at a party, while Chloe Beale makes out with Tom a few feet away.

Only this time, Beca doesn’t look away from them.

This time, Beca’s heart cracks in two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual i'm [chloebeale](http://chloebeale.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> you can support my writing [here](https://ko-fi.com/M4M5ENJK)


	6. i'm a fool for you, love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna apologize for updating again but then i realized y'all are actively reading this and will take the rest of the story immediately if you could. anyway, thank u for all the wonderful feedback, and thank you for trusting me with your hearts

_“i'm a fool for that shake in your thighs / i'm a fool for that sound in your sighs / i’m a fool for your belly / i'm a fool for you love / i want to make this play / oh, i know you're faded / hmm, but stay, don't close your hands / i want to make this play / oh, i know you're faded / hmm, but stay, don't close your hands / caught in this pool held in your eyes / caught like a fool without a line / we're in a natural spring / with this gentle sting between us.”  
_ – open, rhye

* * *

Beca expects herself to leave immediately; to dramatically make for the exit as she finally lets the tears roll down her face. Maybe Chloe will notice, and she’ll chase her outside and Beca will turn around and ask Chloe why she’d do that; ask her why she doesn’t seem to care about the fact that she’s slowly breaking her apart.

Maybe Beca will finally say, out loud, why this arrangement means so much to her.

Maybe the rain will start to pour, and Chloe will make her way towards Beca, slowly, telling her that the reason she kissed Tom was because she’s confused because she too, is in love with her. Maybe they’ll come together in a sweet, passionate kiss in the rain, like in those movies that Beca has always hated. Maybe they’ll go home and make love, and in the morning everything will be okay.

But Beca’s always been a bit of an idiot.

(If she’s honest, she’s too scared to risk walking out on her.)

She makes her way over to them, squeezing past a few people who are crowded around a phone screen watching a baseball game. She makes her way over, slow and awkward, until she’s standing behind them. They don’t notice her at first, and Beca’s nostrils flare in anger, because _nobody_ should be kissing Chloe like that. Nobody but _her_.

“Uh, Chlo,” she says, tapping Chloe on the shoulder. Chloe turns around immediately and for a brief second, Beca almost hates her.

(She glances at Tom and she sees the same dazed look on his face that she’s certain is always on her face whenever Chloe kisses her – wide eyed and breathless – and for a second, she feels for him. Because she knows _exactly_ how he’s feeling. Chloe’s kisses are magnetic, taking each breath from you, little by little, until you feel like you’ll never be able to breathe again without her to help you.)

She wants to hate her, but Chloe smiles at her so softly, like she’s the most wondrous thing in the room, and Beca can’t stop herself from smiling back.

“What happened to those drinks, dude?”

“Oh! Sorry.”

Just like that, Chloe is by her side again, holding onto her hand and pulling her towards the punch table.

Beca wonders if Chloe knows that she has the power to completely destroy her.

* * *

They head back home when they realize the party is starting to calm down. Stacie had texted Chloe while they were upstairs earlier, but Chloe didn’t see it until she took out her phone to message the Bellas in their group chat, asking where the hell everybody went.

 **[11:27PM] Stacie:** home bc the party sucked and not in the good way!!!

 **[11:28PM] Jess:** We’re stikll drinking at home, come baaack  >3

 **[11:31PM] Chloe:** On our way back, babies

Beca uses their walk back home as a chance to reflect.

(Chloe isn’t making conversation – she’s just humming along to a tune in her head that Beca doesn’t recognize – so Beca doesn’t speak up either.)

Her boots scuff against the ground as she drunkenly tries to walk without falling over. Chloe’s presence beside her keeps her upright, though.

She tries not to think about that.

She starts to wonder why Chloe did what she did. It was hard to think about it earlier, with the alcohol running through her, and the fact that she was still recovering from the three orgasms that Chloe had so kindly given to her, and the fact that she felt like she was going to _break_ at any moment.

Now though, her brain won’t stray from it; from the image of Chloe and Tom kissing so soon after _that_.

She wonders if this is the first time, or if Chloe has been seeing Tom as well as her. Which, in all honesty, she knows she can’t get mad about. She knows Chloe isn’t cheating on her, because Chloe isn’t _hers_. They made it clear that this was casual, all those months ago when they agreed to do this in the first place.

(They never talked about being exclusive, and she hates them both for not communicating that. It would’ve saved her a lot of heart ache if they would’ve just _talked_ about it.)

So, she can’t really get mad, but she _can_ get upset.

Still, she tries so hard not to let it show on her face in case Chloe asks her about it, because she’s not entirely sure what she’ll say if she does.

**_Because I’m in love with you._ **

**_Because thinking about you with anybody else cuts me in half._ **

**_Because I can’t bear the thought of you not loving me back._ **

Yeah, she’d rather not.

Because despite how much she’s hurting, she doesn’t regret any of this. And she knows she’s being terrible to herself, by putting up with this torturous kind of pain, but she’ll readily accept it if it’s the only way she’ll ever get to be with Chloe.

“Look at the stars!” Chloe yells, pulling Beca out of her internal monologue, and she’s thankful because she’s pretty sure that if she thought about Chloe not loving her for any longer then she definitely would have started crying, and she _cannot_ put her emotions out there like that. Not when she’s not ready for Chloe to know yet.

(She’s still debating on whether she’ll _ever_ be ready for Chloe to know.)

“Yeah, they’re… stars.”

“They’re so pretty.”

She can’t seem to find any words when she looks over at Chloe. She can’t find any words to say – and she can’t find any words to _describe_ – how her heart feels at the look of pure joy on Chloe’s face. She’s beautiful like this, smiling up at the sky with wonderfully bright eyes and the softest hint of pink on her cheeks due to the cool, late-night breeze.

“That’s the North star,” Chloe drunkenly points, the amazed tone of her voice making Beca smile softly.

She doesn’t notice her hand slip into Chloe’s.

(Neither of them mentions it.)

* * *

True to their word, the Bellas are still drinking when they get back to the house.

They’d recruited somebody new a few days ago, since Denise graduated last year. Her name is Flo and she’s currently shotgunning a beer with Amy and another Treble that Beca recognizes but doesn’t remember the name of. She wants to go rescue Flo from Amy because she knows first-hand what drinking with Amy can result in.

(Trips to the hospital with broken bones, multiple numbers saved into your phone with no names attached, maybe a missing shoe.)

She _wants_ to rescue Flo, but Chloe is pulling her towards her bedroom before she even gets the chance to take her shoes off, and she discovered a long time ago that she’ll follow Chloe anywhere.

When they get into her room, she fully expects Chloe to push her against the door and immediately kiss her neck. That’s usually how it goes. Chloe’s always the one to initiate it; Beca’s always the one to just take whatever she can get. The fact that Chloe doesn’t kiss her when the door closes sets off alarm bells in her head that tell her to immediately get out of there.

“What are we doing?” she asks, not knowing whether she wants to hear the answer or not. She watches Chloe walk across the room to sit on the edge of her bed, lifting one leg up to pull her shoe off, before doing the same with the other.

“I’m tired.”

She keeps her eyes trained on the wall as Chloe changes. She’s not sure why – common decency, maybe – because she knows Chloe doesn’t mind. She knows Chloe brought her in here for a reason. She’s just trying to figure out what that reason _was_.

The image of Chloe and Tom keeps flashing in her mind, and she has to close her eyes to subdue the thoughts that keep nagging at her brain. The thoughts telling her to confront Chloe; to get answers out of her tonight before she sends herself insane.

Only, she’s still a little drunk, so when she closes her eyes it gets harder for her to keep her head on straight. With every passing second, she feels like she’s going to fall.

The sound of Chloe clearing her throat catches her attention, and she opens her eyes and looks up to see that she’s now in her pajamas.

(She doesn’t fall to the ground, but she definitely falls some other way.)

She wonders if Tom’s ever seen Chloe like this.

“You’re staring.”

She can’t help herself.

“Am I not enough?” she blurts out.

Chloe’s eyebrows furrow immediately and Beca hates that all she can think about is how that’s what she does when she’s about to come.

She tries to think of different, ugly things to prevent feeling the effects that Chloe’s proximity has on her. And it’s stupid, she thinks, because Chloe is at the other side of the room, yet she can still make her feel like she’s suffocating her.

It’s like something is tugging at her, pulling her closer. She doesn’t even notice that she’s moving until her legs hit the bed and she’s sitting down next to Chloe.

A hand drops down to rest on her thigh, finger tips pressing down lightly, but hard enough to secure Beca to reality.

(A reality where she’s desperately yearning for Chloe to notice that she’s clearly _not_ okay.)

“What do you mean, Bec?”

“Sorry, I just...” She pauses to suck in a quick breath and exhales it slowly, afraid that if she doesn’t focus on her breathing then she’ll stop breathing altogether. “Uh, you and Tom. I didn’t know you two still…” She lets the sentence linger in the air, not wanting to finish it due to the sheer nausea she feels whenever she thinks about Chloe and Tom in that way.

“Oh. Oh, Bec, I’m not like, _seeing_ him or anything. That was… it was the first time. In a while.” She pauses and Beca thinks she’s waiting for her reaction, but Beca doesn’t quite know what to do or say to that. The fact that Chloe just _wanted_ to kiss Tom, moments after she’d been in between Beca’s legs, makes Beca feel gross.

“I guess I just got caught in the moment.”

It’s a terrible excuse, but Beca nods in understanding anyway. After all, she got caught in the moment and kissed Jesse not too long ago, so she figures it’s kinda hypocritical to hold this against Chloe.

(It still doesn’t change the fact that Beca feels queasy at the thought of anybody else – anybody but _her_ –  touching Chloe.)

“Did it… make you uncomfortable?”

She knows she has no right to, because Chloe isn’t her property – Chloe is free to do whatever she damn well pleases – but she nods anyway. “A little, yeah.”

“I’m sorry. We never spoke about being, like... exclusive. I saw you with Jesse and I just assumed...”

“No.” She looks at Chloe, shaking her head. “No, Jesse and I aren’t. He’s my _friend_.”

“Right. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s… It’s okay.”

“Do you want us to be exclusive?”

 ** _More than anything_** , she thinks.

“It’d make me feel better if you didn’t kiss people after you’ve just gone down on me,” she chooses to say instead.

Chloe lets out a soft laugh, leaning in to press a kiss to Beca’s shoulder. It’s so innocent and so _soft_ , that Beca’s surprised when her heart rate begins to speed up a little at the small action. She looks at Chloe, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth when she sees that Chloe’s own mouth is still pressed against her clothed shoulder, and she’s looking back at her through drunk, heavy eyelids.

She licks her lips as her gaze flickers down Chloe’s face. She can’t really help it. Chloe is so close to her and she’s so, _so_ beautiful. Beca’s not surprised her breath hitches when Chloe lifts her head up slightly, so her chin is resting on Beca’s shoulder. It means their faces are closer now, and Beca can feel Chloe’s warm breath against her own mouth.

Suddenly, the air in the room feels heavy and thick and _way_ too sticky.

“Chloe–”

“–We should make a sex bucket list.” Chloe interrupts with a grin. “A… suck it list.”

Beca shakes her head, shrugging Chloe away from her. “God, you’re _so_ annoying.”

Chloe is grinning as she sits back against the headboard though, pulling the covers over her lap.

“I’m serious, Bec.”

“Can I borrow some pajamas?”

She doesn’t wait for Chloe’s answer. She stands up and makes her way over to Chloe’s dresser, searching through them for something comfortable to wear. Eventually, after skipping over a bunch of pajamas with cartoon animals on them, she settles on a pair of blue pajama pants and a black t shirt with a faded band logo on that Beca doesn’t recognize.

She’s about to head to the bathroom to change when she remembers that the Bellas are still partying and if she runs into any of them, they definitely will _not_ let her go if they know that she’s planning on going to bed.

Glancing over at Chloe to see that she’s waiting with her hands in her lap and an unreadable expression on her face, Beca sighs.

“Could you, um…”

“You have nothing to be shy about, Becs,” Chloe says, leaning forward a little. “I’ve seen you naked. Multiple times.”

And Chloe does have a point, but she’s still self-conscious and worried that one bad angle will make Chloe realize that her body just… isn’t all that special.

(She kinda hates herself, for thinking that Chloe would _ever_ think that about her.)

“Fine.”

She pulls her shirt over her head, trying not to think about how it’s a pointless act since it’ll probably end up on the floor by the end of the night anyway. She also tries not to think about Chloe watching her change, and decides to spark up their previous conversation.

“So, a bucket list,” she says, internally wincing at the awkwardness of her tone.

Chloe doesn’t notice, though. Or if she does, she doesn’t mention anything.

“Yeah, like,” Chloe pauses as Beca bends over to pull her jeans off. “Um,” she clears her throat. “Like, do you have any kinks?”

“Jesus, Chloe.”

“What?” Chloe laughs. “I need to know this stuff!”

“Dude, I don’t… I don’t _know_.” She turns to look at Chloe, gulping when she sees the look that Chloe is giving her. “What?”

“Come here.”

“Hold on, let me put my pants on.”

“I said come here.”

She lets out a shaky breath when Chloe moves the covers off of her lap, and she’s shuffling across the room immediately. Really, she’ll do anything if it means Chloe will continue to look at her like that; to _talk_ to her like that.

She realizes, when she drops down onto Chloe’s lap to straddle her thighs, that she _technically_ just stripped for her. Knowing that Chloe _enjoyed_ it makes Beca feel a little more confident when Chloe asks her again, “so what _are_ your kinks?”

(Just a little. She’s still feeling awkward about revealing those parts of herself to Chloe.)

She drops her hands to rest on Chloe’s shoulders, looking down at her.

“Do we have to do this now?”

“When else are we gonna do it?” Chloe asks, meeting Beca’s lips in a slow kiss as her hands tighten the grip she has on Beca’s waist. Suddenly, Beca can’t think about Chloe and Tom. She can’t think about anything but the fact that she’s the one who Chloe decided to come home with tonight.

Her hands run up Chloe’s neck to cup her face, and she quickly adjusts herself to get more comfortable. The action causes her center to brush against Chloe a little, and she lets out a soft, almost inaudible moan which has Chloe smiling against her mouth.

“I think you’re into this way more than you’re letting on, Becs.” She catches Beca’s bottom lip in between her teeth, tugging on it lightly before she pulls back, letting it go. “I bet you’re secretly _super_ kinky.”

“Oh, my God,” she pushes Chloe’s shoulder, her breath catching in her throat when Chloe’s mouth attaches to her neck. “You’re so… annoying.”

“Mmhm, you’ve said,” Chloe murmurs against her skin.

“Yeah, well that makes it super true.”

Chloe nips at Beca’s neck, pulling a quiet groan from her, before she looks back up and kisses her again. Her hands run up Beca’s thighs slowly, nails scratching lightly over exposed skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. A shiver runs down Beca’s spine when Chloe’s right hand drags closer to her center.

“What if I tell you mine?” Chloe asks. Beca’s hands run through Chloe’s hair, nails scraping over her scalp, and all she can manage is a small nod and a whimper when she feels Chloe snap the elastic of her underwear against her hip.

The reaction makes Chloe smile.

“What about,” she rubs a hand over Beca’s hips until it rests on her ass and she squeezes gently, making Beca roll her hips forward a little, “spanking,” she finishes.

“Jesus,” Beca breaks the kiss, breathing out a heavy breath. “You really just… dive right in, huh?”

And Chloe’s about to respond, but then she’s rearing her hand back and slapping it down on Beca’s skin, making her yelp and hunch forward at the unexpected pain.

“Chloe!”

“What?” Chloe laughs. “We’ll never know unless we try.”

“You’re,” she shakes her head, laughing, “you’re fucking crazy, you know that right?”

Chloe grins, stroking the skin that she’d slapped. “Did you like it?”

“I don’t… know.”

“Want me to do it aga–”

“–No! God, just… I’ll let you know if I ever want you to do it again, okay?”

The answer is good enough for Chloe because she smiles and leans back in, hands continuing their journey to where Beca needs her – to where she’s needed her for a while now. It shows because Beca is whimpering as soon as Chloe’s hands fall to her thighs again.

She still takes her time, though, alternating between dancing her fingers up the apex of her thighs, and pressing softly against her, only to pull her hands back when Beca tries to grind her hips up against her.

“What about toys?” Chloe asks, and Beca – though, still not completely at ease – answers quicker this time.

“Uh, yeah,” she kisses Chloe harder to mask her embarrassment.

“Vibrators? Strap-ons?”

“All of the above.”

Chloe smiles against her mouth, dipping the tips of her fingers into the waistband of Beca’s underwear.

“Butt p–”

“–Absolutely not.”

“Okay,” Chloe snorts. “Just making sure.”

As she moves Beca’s underwear to the side, her knuckles brush over her center _just_ light enough to pull a soft moan from the back of her throat.

“Tell me–” Beca’s own groan cuts herself off as Chloe’s thumb touches her clit just once before pulling away. And as much as she wants – _needs_ – Chloe to touch her, she knows that when she finally does it’ll definitely be worth it.

“What, baby?”

“Tell me what, um,” she rests her forehead against Chloe’s, “what _you_ like.”

“I like being tied up,” Chloe answers immediately, and _of course_ , Beca thinks. _Of course_ Chloe can just casually say that without dying of embarrassment.

“Okay. What else?”

“I’ve always wanted to…” she looks down in between their bodies and Beca lets her eyes close on their own when the hand that Chloe’s not using to tease her rests on the small of her back and pulls her in closer. “Do it in the car,” she finishes.

Beca shivers as Chloe kisses her again, her hands dropping to the hem of Beca’s shirt. She fiddles with the fabric for a few moments as they kiss, both trying to keep their breathing in check. Beca’s hips roll forward slightly, which pushes Chloe to finally tug at the material. She slides the hem up Beca’s torso, making sure to run her fingers lightly over her sides, before pulling the shirt over her head.

This time, when Chloe kisses her, Beca can feel the urgency; the longing; the _need_.

Chloe’s confidence is kinda contagious.

“I’ve kinda wanted to,” Beca moans when Chloe runs one hand up her back, tugging at the clasp on her bra, “to watch you.”

“Yeah?”

She exhales softly into Chloe’s mouth when her bra straps fall down her arms, and it quickly meets her shirt on the floor of Chloe’s bedroom.

“You want to watch me what?” Chloe asks, and Beca groans because she _knows_ that Chloe knows what she’s talking about. “Tell me, Beca.”

“I want to watch you touch yourself.”

“Yeah?”

Beca nods. “You should, uh, write these down or something.”

She feels Chloe’s smile against her lips. “I will after.”

“After?”

“After I fuck you.”

And hearing Chloe curse, even after so many times, still causes Beca’s stomach to clench and her body to twitch. Her heartrate picked up a while ago, but it still manages to speed up a little more when she realizes just how much she _needs_ Chloe.

So much that she can feel the throbbing in her center, and so much that her lips separate with a weak, impatient cry as Chloe finally touches her. One deft finger strokes against her deliberately, before it slides along her clit and Beca’s hips buck at the sudden pleasure.

“Chloe,” she gasps.

“You’re so _wet_.”

“I know. Shut up.”

Chloe snickers, kissing her softly as she slips her fingertip against Beca’s clit once again, pulling out another desperate whimper from the back of Beca’s throat.

“Tell me what else you want,” Chloe murmurs. Beca’s eyes squeeze shut as she presses her forehead against Chloe’s, hugging her shoulders and gripping the back of her shirt as she grinds up and against Chloe’s hand. “Beca.”

“Please, Chloe,” she whines.

“Please what?”

“Fuck,” she moans when Chloe slowly enters her, and Chloe presses a kiss against her ear, breathing hot, heavy breaths against her skin. It makes the hairs on Beca’s neck stand up and she feels like she could explode any minute when Chloe’s fingers speed up a little, starting to rub tight circles against her.

Her whimpered “fuck me” makes Chloe moan and push up into her. Beca’s hips grind forward and Chloe pushes and pulls at her hips to repeat the action, until she doesn’t have to help her anymore.

Riding Chloe’s fingers might be one of Beca’s new favorite past times.

But then Chloe is pushing Beca back until she’s no longer hugging her; pushing her away until she’s leaning back and holding herself up as she grinds against Chloe’s fingers.

“Stay like that baby,” Chloe whispers, before she’s pulling out of Beca. And Beca opens her eyes and lets out a soft cry at the loss of contact, but then Chloe is lifting her and sliding down the bed until she’s laying down underneath her, and before Beca even realizes what’s happening, she’s straddling Chloe’s face.

“Oh– Chloe. Please.”

She’s not sure what she’s asking for, but when Chloe grips her hips tightly and pushes her tongue into her, Beca feels like she gets every answer she’s ever hoped for.

She almost falls backwards at the pleasure, managing to catch herself with one hand as her other hand comes up to cover her face. She clenches her teeth and squeezes her eyes shut, her hand running up from her face to grasp at her own hair.

“ _Fuck_ , Chloe, that feels so good.”

Chloe hums against her, flicking her tongue hard but slow, and Beca falls forward with a loud moan. She wants to look down at Chloe but she knows for a fact that the sight of Chloe’s face in between her legs in this position will make her come immediately, and she selfishly wants to drag this out for as long as she can.

She grinds her hips a little harder on Chloe’s face, making sure not to press down too hard in case she hurts her.

When Chloe starts to suck at her clit, Beca can’t control the sounds that escape her. She’s still so sensitive from earlier on in the night, so even though she wants this to last forever, it doesn’t take long for Chloe to bring her close to the edge.

“Holy _shit_ ,” she breathes out. She opens her mouth to say something – to spur Chloe on – but all that comes out is gasps and pants. Chloe doesn’t stop or slow down, though. She digs her nails a little harder into Beca’s thighs and she keeps a quick, steady pace; tongue flat and firm against her.

Beca’s hand reaches down to hold onto Chloe’s as her thighs tremble and her eyes open. When she looks down and Chloe’s eyes, furrowed in deep concentration, meet hers, Beca can’t hold back any longer. She gasps loudly, her abs clench and her grip in Chloe’s hair gets tighter, mouth falling open and choking back any semblance of words.

She hunches forward, holding Chloe’s head against her and squeezing her hand as her orgasm hits her at full force.

Chloe keeps a steady pace as Beca jerks and shudders above her, tongue swiping languidly over every sensitive part of her until Beca’s hips lift up slightly and she lets out a shuddering breath, unable to take anymore.

Her forehead presses against the headboard, and she lifts herself up so Chloe can slide back up so they’re at eye level again. Still coming down from her high, Beca smiles when she feels Chloe press a soft kiss against her trembling lips.

“That was beautiful.”

She laughs nervously, letting herself collapse onto Chloe.

* * *

When Beca wakes up the next morning, something feels different.

The feeling is abnormal, but not at all unwelcome.

It’s _progress_ , she thinks to herself as she drifts back to sleep, hoping that Chloe will still be there when she wakes up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual i'm [chloebeale](http://chloebeale.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> you can support my writing [here](https://ko-fi.com/M4M5ENJK)


	7. i need that loving only you can give

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i changed the rating of this story to explicit just for this chapter alone ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

_“let me take my time let me pull you in a little closer / let me treat your body like i know that I'm supposed to / girl i know you know i know i'm the only one that really knows you / i'm going to show you how i / i need it, i need it, i need it / i need you / i need it, i need it, need it, need it / i need you / ‘cause we can see this through / if it's just me and you / there ain't a thing to lose / there ain't a thing to prove / just give me all of you."  
_ – i need it, johnny balik

* * *

The moment Beca opens her eyes the next morning, she feels a type of warmth that she’s never felt before.

She thinks about pinching herself to make sure she isn’t dreaming, but the feeling of Chloe hugging her from behind, breathing warm, soft breaths onto her neck, is something that Beca knows her dreams cannot replicate.

She can feel the slow rise and fall of Chloe’s chest behind her, the ankle pressing against her own, the hair tickling the back of her neck. It’s the most soothing feeling she’s ever felt, and for a moment, she lets herself believe that this happens all the time.

For a moment, she forgets that Chloe isn’t hers.

Reality hits her the second Chloe wakes up. Her breathing changes and she starts to pull away, so Beca quickly shuts her eyes and hopes that it fools Chloe into thinking that she’s still asleep, and that she _hasn’t_ noticed that they slept together all night. Her mind tells her that if she pretends not to notice, then she won’t have to deal with the awkward conversation that would have inevitably happened if she’d kept her eyes open and confronted Chloe.

Part of her wonders if Chloe will wake her up and ask her to leave. Part of her wonders if Chloe will leave for class and hope that Beca isn’t there when she gets home. Part of her hopes that Chloe will get back into bed and hold her again, just for a little longer.

She hears her shuffling around the room, and she manages to suppress her laughter when she hears Chloe stub her toe and mumble “fudgesticks!” under her breath. She keeps her eyes shut and holds her breath and hopes that Chloe is just putting some clothes on because she’s cold, and _not_ because she’s going to leave.

When the door opens and closes, and the room is filled with silence, Beca lets herself breathe again.

* * *

Chloe doesn’t come back.

Beca’s not sure where she goes, but after twenty minutes of lying there in silence, surrounded by Chloe’s scent on the pillow, she figures that if she were coming back then she’d be here by now.

She looks around the room to see if Chloe had snuck in silently; to see if she’s sitting at her desk, waiting for Beca to wake up, ready to confront Beca about the fact that Beca didn’t leave last night. But there’s nobody in the room but herself, so she puts on the pajamas that she’d borrowed from Chloe last night, gathers her own clothes, and hopes to God that none of the Bellas see or hear her leaving Chloe’s room.

* * *

 **[11:42 AM] Jesse:** U alive???

She doesn’t see the text until her phone vibrates again for the second time, reminding her of the notification. And she wants to ignore it but thoughts of Chloe are plaguing her mind today – more than they usually are – so she figures that interacting with someone may do her some good.

What she doesn’t expect is to see a bunch of texts on her end, that she doesn’t even remember sending. She scrolls through them, cringing at the desperate – and downright depressing – texts; most of them with at least three spelling mistakes in them.

They range from “y chloe s pretty” to “she fucknm kiss him !!” and she sighs, pinching her nose in frustration at her lack of control when she’s drunk. She quickly checks if she also sent texts to other people, but after a minute of searching, it shows that only Jesse was the unfortunate recipient.

On one hand, she’s relieved. On the other hand, she feels terrible that Jesse – Jesse who she’s sure still has feelings for her – has to deal with this.

She sees the three dots pop up just as she types in “hey”, so she quickly deletes the message and waits for Jesse. The dots disappear, though, and she pulls her headphones down so they’re resting around her neck, before she starts typing again.

 **[11:50 AM] Beca:** hey yea I’m alive lol what’s up

 **[11:50 AM] Jesse:** What TF?? What happened last night?

She groans, annoyed at herself for thinking Jesse would ignore the texts.

(Also, annoyed at Jesse for not knowing how abbreviations work.)

 **[11:51 AM] Beca:** uh judging by the numerous texts I sent u, I think u know dude

 **[11:51 AM] Jesse:** Smart ass!  
**[11:51 AM] Jesse:** I mean what happened w Chloe. Are u 2 good?

 **[11:52 AM] Beca:** yeah i think so

The truth is, she’s never sure whether she and Chloe are good. It’s the most frustrating thing about this whole arrangement.

 **[11:54 AM] Jesse:** U said she kissed someone  
**[11:54 AM] Jesse:** Wait are u guys dating  
**[11:54 AM] Jesse:** Ur not right? I’m confused

“Oh, my God,” she mutters to herself, ironically angry at the fact that Jesse sends way too many texts.

 **[11:54 AM] Beca:** no we’re not dating. she kissed tom last night. that’s all

 **[11:54 AM] Jesse:** Right in front of u?

Beca sighs.

 **[11:55 AM] Beca:** yea. but we’re not together so it’s fine, I was just being dramatic

 **[11:55 AM] Jesse:** Bec

She watches the three dots pop up and disappear and pop up again. She doesn’t notice that she’s anxiously chewing at her lip until the text comes through.

 **[11:55 AM] Jesse:** I know u love her and like… I don’t know what arrangement u 2 have going on, but I can see it’s hurting u dude. Just by reading the texts u sent last night, I can tell ur into her way more than u’d let her know or whatever. I mean this in the best way. U gotta stop, man. U deserve better than that. Put urself first for once.

She shakes her head, letting out a bitter laugh. She wants to tell Jesse everything she’s feeling; the heartbreak, the love, and the constant need she has for Chloe to want her. She wants Jesse to know exactly how she’s feeling so he understands that she can’t just stop whatever this is. She can’t cut Chloe out of her life like that, because part of her convinces herself that her heart won’t be able to take it.

Except, she sucks when it comes to explaining things, especially her feelings, so she runs her hand through her hair before replying.

 **[11:55 AM] Beca:** I can’t

* * *

She doesn’t see Chloe until the afternoon.

She’s not sure if it’s because she’s been in class all day, or if she was purposely avoiding her, but when Chloe comes up to her room with a smile and a plastic bag that she places next to Beca’s bed, she decides she doesn’t really mind. She’s learned to accept that Chloe will come and go as she pleases, and Beca, stupidly, will always be there waiting for her.

Chloe sits down on the bed across from her, and she takes off her headphones and shuts her laptop, placing them both on the floor. She doesn’t even ask what Chloe’s doing here. She already knows.

“Hey.”

“I went to the store,” Chloe blurts, and Beca squints, confused as to why Chloe seems so nervous right now.

The only other time she’s seen Chloe this nervous was when she’d accidentally stepped on her headphones and broken them. She’d been fidgety and trembling – like she is now – and Beca hated seeing her like that. She hated that Chloe was afraid of telling her, like she was scared that Beca would yell at her.

Beca doesn’t think she could ever be mad at Chloe.

“Um,” Beca clears her throat. “Okay? That’s–”

“–I thought about our conversation last night and,” she leans down to take a box out of the bag, and Beca’s eyes widen when Chloe takes the lid off and shows her what she’s talking about.

“Oh, my God.”

Despite the smile on her face, her fingers are still fidgeting with the box and she’s biting her lip nervously. “It’s cute, right?”

“Cute,” Beca repeats, unable to stop the laugh from escaping past her lips.

 _It’s bright fucking pink_ , she wants to say.

“It’s… yeah. I… Um,” is what comes out.

It’s completely not what she was expecting when Chloe came to her room in the middle of the afternoon. She was maybe expecting a conversation about last night, or for Chloe to just straddle her and accept Beca’s fingers slipping into her jeans – because she’s grown to read Chloe like a book, and she knows what she wants before Chloe does – but the last thing she was expecting was… this.

“I had class this morning and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I found a store- hey, did you know there’s a sex shop near–”

“–Oh my God, okay, that’s enough.”

Chloe lets out a soft giggle, her nerves dwindling as she pulls the toy and harness out and throws the box onto the floor.

“We’re doing this now?”

She’s aware of the fact that her chest is flushing, and her eyes are wide, but she’s pretty sure if they do this now then the Bellas will one hundred percent know what’s going on. Also, she’s not sure if Chloe locked the door and she’s worried about Amy – or anybody – walking in on them and–

Chloe cuts her thoughts off with a kiss.

She hadn’t even noticed Chloe leaning in, pulling her towards her by the collar of her shirt, until their lips met slowly. It’s amusing to Beca, that Chloe still manages to be so soft and kind, even after springing this onto her out of nowhere.

“Most of the girls are out,” Chloe murmurs into her mouth, moving to straddle her lap. Beca’s hands immediately fall to Chloe’s waist, instinctively pulling her closer as she tilts her head and lets Chloe kiss her however she’d like to.

“Most of them?”

“The only people in right now are Jessica and Ashley,” Chloe pulls her mouth away and Beca’s lips immediately attach to her neck, and she can immediately feel the effect it has on Chloe. It pulls a groan from her that makes Beca smile against the hypersensitive bit of skin under her earlobe. “They’re watching a- a movie.”

“Where are the others?”

“Dunno,” Chloe chokes back a moan when Beca starts to suck at her neck, before she quickly pulls back and smacks Beca on the shoulder. “No hickeys!”

“Sorry,” Beca smirks, stretching her neck up to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. Chloe quickly captures her lips again, hands cupping Beca’s face as she pushes her tongue past Beca’s lips.

It doesn’t surprise Beca that she starts to get fidgety after only a few minutes of kissing. Her hands pull at Chloe’s jeans, and she shuffles underneath her, calculating it so that every time Chloe grinds her hips forward, Beca can feel Chloe against her. It’s addicting, the way Chloe makes her feel. The way she makes her want more, and the way she manages to pull sounds from Beca that she wouldn’t dream of making if she was kissing anybody else.

She’s pretty sure Chloe whimpers something – something crude, if Beca knows Chloe well enough – but all she can focus on is kissing Chloe, and trying to suppress the butterflies she feels in her stomach at the fact that she has somebody here who trusts her enough to experiment with. And she’s not Chloe’s girlfriend, but she definitely feels like it when Chloe moans into her mouth as her hand slips into her jeans.

The angle is awkward and it strains her wrist, but she’ll readily accept the pain if it means Chloe is happy.

She laughs, because of how fucking ironic that is.

“What?” Chloe asks, pulling back. Her hands cup Beca’s face as Beca slips her own hand past her underwear, brushing two fingers against her center. She lets out a soft whimper as their foreheads come to rest against each other.

“Nothing.”

She returns to the task at hand, sliding delicate fingers against Chloe’s center. Chloe moans as she grinds her hips against her, making Beca press her palm hard against her. It pulls out a groan from Beca’s mouth, but then Chloe is quickly pulling away, and Beca panics.

She looks up at Chloe, relief flooding her entire body when she sees that Chloe only got off her lap to get undressed. It spurs her to push herself up, standing in front of Chloe and pulling her closer. She wants to make a comment about how eager Chloe is, but it’d be pretty hypocritical. She doesn’t think she’s wanted anything this much in her entire life.

Instead, she reaches out to help Chloe undress, lifting her shirt above her head and dropping it to the floor beside them. She lets Chloe remove her shirt too, and she has to remind herself not to shy under Chloe’s gaze, despite how nervous she is. She knows there’s no reason to be nervous anymore.

Her fingers dip into the waistband of Chloe’s jeans, tugging her towards her. She hears Chloe squeak, and then she’s standing up on her tiptoes to press their lips together again. It somehow feels different, when Chloe’s tongue snakes past her lips to deepen the kiss. She can feel the longing building up, the aching desire to let Chloe do whatever she wants to her, the burning in the pit of her stomach when she realizes that they haven’t even decided who’s going to wear it, yet she’s already accepted the fact that she’ll let Chloe decide.

The thought of Chloe using it on her makes her tremble underneath Chloe. Part of her is worried that Chloe will be able to see right through her; she’ll be able to see right past the fact that Beca is trusting her with her body, and she’ll see that Beca – so ready to tell Chloe ‘yes’ no matter what she’s asking for – is completely and insufferably in love with her. The other part of her wonders if Chloe wants this as much as she does. If Chloe loves her too, and is using this as a way to tell her that.

She breaks their kiss unintentionally, choking back a gasp at the thought of Chloe making love to her. It causes Chloe’s eyes to widen a little, and her eyebrows to furrow in confusion.

“Are you okay, Bec?”

“Yeah, I…” She’s still in Chloe’s arms, their bodies pressed together, and she can see the desire in Chloe’s eyes. Her heart is pounding, and she hopes to God that Chloe can’t hear the effect she has on her. “Uh,” she looks around for the toy, and her face immediately flushes at the sight of it on her bed. She gulps. “Who’s gonna… ya know.”

“Huh?”

“Am I using it on you?”

Chloe lets out a soft laugh, pulling back until they’re no longer touching. “No way.”

Beca exhales. “What? Why not?”

She watches as Chloe unbuttons her own jeans, pulling them down her legs and stepping out of them easily. It turns her on much more than she’d like to admit, watching Chloe undress herself in front of her. _For_ her.

“You’re the one who said you wanted to use toys,” Chloe says, reaching behind herself to pull her bra off. Beca watches it drop to the floor, managing to resist looking at Chloe for at least three seconds before she gives in.

Chloe is, and always will be, the most enchanting person Beca has ever seen.

“You, uh…” she tears her eyes away from Chloe’s chest, her ears feeling hotter than they ever have before. “Technically you asked if I wanted to use… them. You never said–”

“– _Technically_ ,” Chloe interrupts, stepping forward into Beca’s personal space. “I think you want me to wear it just as much as _I_ want to wear it.”

And it’s not the first time Chloe’s read her like this – like a completely open book – but it still causes Beca’s heartrate to pick up a little. With the way Chloe’s looking at her, Beca knows that there’s no way she’s fighting Chloe on this.

“Do you?” Chloe asks her, reaching out to cup her face. She strokes the pad of her thumb over her cheekbone, and she puts more pressure than usual against her pulse point with the tips of her fingers. It causes the hairs on Beca’s neck to stand up, and her breathing to falter a little.

“Bec.”

She blinks. “Yeah?”

Chloe moves Beca’s head to the side and leans in, her mouth hovering over Beca’s ear. Her warm breath – along with the new realization that dominant Chloe is a huge turn on for her – makes Beca’s breath catch in her throat.

“Do you…” Chloe whispers, pausing to exhale a warm breath against Beca’s ear, “want me to fuck you?”

She swallows, her throat suddenly dry and hoarse from the effect of Chloe’s words, and she’s nodding before she can even register her movements in her mind. She feels Chloe smile against her ear, before she feels teeth against her earlobe, biting down harshly before pulling back.

“Take your clothes off.”

And it’s gotten to the point where Chloe could ask Beca to strip naked and run through a shopping mall and she’ll do it, no questions asked. As long as Chloe keeps looking at her like that and making her feel the way she’s feeling right now, she’ll do absolutely anything.

While she’s undressing herself, Chloe uses hers and Amy’s closet to put the harness on. It gives Beca a solid minute to steady her breaths and compose herself, hopefully enough for Chloe not to notice how much she really wants this, because there’s still a part of her that’s mad at Chloe for what she did last night. There’s still a part of her that wants Chloe to earn her forgiveness, instead of just ignoring that it ever happened.

The other part of her can’t stop thinking about what it’ll be like to have Chloe railing her into the mattress.

She swallows, picking up her phone and connecting it to her Bluetooth speaker. She figures that it’s a good idea to put some music on, just in case things get a little loud. Hopefully Jessica and Ashley won’t come up to ask them what’s going on.

When Chloe comes out of the closet with the toy attached to her hips, Beca can’t help but laugh. And it’s not the best reaction, or the reaction that Chloe was probably expecting, but Chloe doesn’t mind, because she laughs too.

“I just came out–”

“–came out of the closet,” Beca finishes for her, and Chloe laughs again, this time a little louder. The sound causes Beca to laugh too, and she reaches out for Chloe, tugging her closer by the toy attached to her. She feels Chloe cup her face and pull her up from where she’s sitting down on her bed, until they’re both standing up, kissing again. It’s rushed and hot and messy, but Beca doesn’t mind.

“Love Me Harder? Really?” Chloe asks, pulling back momentarily. Beca flushes as the words **_‘Can you feel the pressure between your hips?’_** echo around the room. “Is this a sex playlist?”

“Shut up.”

Chloe laughs, pulling Beca closer by her hips and kissing her again. The action causes the toy to press against her, and she gasps. It’s just a light brush, but with the anticipation leading up to it all, and the fact that Chloe’s kisses are doing an amazing job at turning her on – or keeping her turned on, since she’s been turned on ever since Chloe came into her room – she’s not surprised that she’s already so, _so_ ready for it.

That, and the song is doing it for her too. Not that she’ll ever admit that to Chloe.

She feels Chloe break their kiss, looking down in between them, and she’s about to ask her what she’s doing when she feels Chloe’s ankle tap her own to widen her stance. She looks down to see what Chloe is doing, but then she feels a hand cupping her jaw, lifting it up so she’s looking at Chloe.

“Chlo, what–” she quickly cuts herself off with a whimper when the toy slides against her, this time with purpose; this time, Chloe knows exactly what she’s doing.

Her arms come up to grip Chloe’s shoulders, hugging her tightly as she buries her head in Chloe’s neck. She manages to press a few kisses against her collarbone before Chloe’s grip on her waist tightens and she starts to rock against her, slowly and precisely, enough to pull out sharp gasps from the back of her throat.

She knows that Chloe is doing this to tease her, but she’s already so ready – so swollen and thoroughly soaked – that it doesn’t take long for the familiar knot in her stomach to start to unravel. With every press of Chloe’s hips against her own, and every press of the toy against her clit at this unfamiliar angle, Beca’s legs start to tremble and she has to hold tighter onto Chloe’s shoulders to keep herself stood upright.

It’s when she lets out a particularly loud whimper that Chloe pulls away and takes a step back, making Beca almost fall to her knees.

(The mental image of her on her knees in front of Chloe makes Beca shiver.)

She looks at Chloe, ready to listen to whatever command she has next; ready to drop down to her knees, ready to turn around and let her do whatever she wants to her. The thought of Chloe being in charge like this doesn’t shock her, really, but it does cause her stomach to erupt with butterflies when she realizes just how much she’s willing to do for her.

She expects the same look of desire she sees in Chloe whenever they hook up; whenever one of them pulls the other into the bathroom at a party to go down on them, or whenever one of them slips into the other’s room in the middle of the night. It’s a look she’s grown accustomed to, but it’s not one she sees right now.

Her stomach fills with dread, because she’s never seen this look on Chloe’s face before.

“Chlo–”

“–You’re so beautiful.”

Beca mouth parts immediately, and she wants to make a sarcastic comment about how cheesy that was, but she’s at a loss for words. She manages a small exhale before she tries to swallow the lump that’s quickly managed to form in her throat. Her palms are sweaty, and her eyes feel way too heavy as she looks over at Chloe, chest rising and falling with each shuddering breath she takes in.

It’s not fair, she thinks, how Chloe can make her feel this way with just a three-word sentence.

Still, she can’t voice any of that. The only thing she manages to get out is another small gasp when she feels Chloe pull her closer by her hips. And then she’s pushing her down onto the bed, until she falls back against the sheets, her head hitting the pillow. She watches as Chloe sits back on her knees, thinking for a moment before she runs a hand up Beca’s thigh.

“Turn around.”

“Wha– seriously?”

“Please?” Chloe leans down to press a chaste kiss against Beca’s lips, before pulling back. “I just wanna try something.”

So Beca nods, unable to deny Chloe anything, and pushes herself up, turning so that she’s on her hands and knees. She’s unsure of how Chloe wants this, or how people generally _do_ this. The only people she’s been with before Chloe had been guys who’d been on top of her for fifteen minutes before collapsing and moving behind to spoon her.

When she thinks about it, before Chloe, she’d never been adventurous enough to try different positions, and she knows that if it was anybody else, she wouldn’t do what they ask her. But this is Chloe, so she turns around and she accepts the hands that Chloe uses to grip her waist and pull her closer. She accepts the fact that Chloe wants to experiment with her; to try a new position she’s never done before. It feels good that they share the same amount of trust when it comes to this type of stuff.

“This okay?” Chloe asks, and she looks behind her, moving her hair out of her way, to see Chloe on her knees. And she can’t help but laugh when Chloe waves at her with a big grin on her face.

“God, you’re such a dork.”

“Thanks!”

She feels Chloe’s hand smooth over the dip in her back, running up to her shoulders before pushing down slightly so that Beca drops to her elbows. Her hands instinctively grab the pillow underneath her, squeezing tightly, and she drops her head down with a soft moan when she feels Chloe run a delicate finger up her entrance.

She’s ready for Chloe to tell her how wet she is – even though she already knows – or make a comment about how they don’t even need to use the lube, so it’s only natural for her to react the way she does when Chloe wastes no time and pushes the toy against her. Her back arches and she lets out a low moan, hand reaching out to hold onto one of the green bars on her headboard.

The toy feels warm and wet, and Beca wonders if that’s her own arousal or if Chloe had applied lube without her knowing. She doesn’t get her answer, though – frankly, she couldn’t give a shit – because Chloe is pushing inside at an agonizingly slow pace. The way she feels herself stretching around the toy makes her whimper, until she feels the thickest part of it entering her and it starts to sting a little. She reaches back, pressing against Chloe’s stomach, stopping her for a moment.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I don’t…” she breathes out, shutting her eyes, “I think it’s too big, Chlo.”

She feels Chloe lean forward, careful not to push it any deeper inside, until her bare front is resting against Beca’s back. She presses a kiss against her spine, running her teeth over warm, flushed skin, until Beca’s back arches again.

“I think you can take it,” Chloe whispers, “just relax.” And then she’s reaching down and running a deft finger against her clit, pulling a moan out of Beca that she’s never heard herself make before. It causes her to push back against Chloe, and she cries out when the toy pushes deeper. Chloe pulls back, letting Beca adjust for as long as she needs.

“Fuck,” she breathes, reaching back to blindly grab at Chloe. She manages to find her hand, and she lets Chloe intertwine their fingers as she leans forward, pushing into Beca.

“Is this okay?” Chloe asks, pulling her hips back before slowly entering her again, and all Beca can manage is a weak nod as she grips Chloe’s hand and uses her other arm to rest on. She focuses on her breathing, and she lets Chloe go at her own pace, occasionally pushing herself back to take a little more from her.

A soft hand runs up her back, scraping nails lightly across her skin, and she can feel the goosebumps form on her arms, and on the back of her neck, at the feeling. She holds her breath, only letting herself exhale when she feels Chloe’s hand against her neck, putting pressure against the side of her throat.

(She makes a mental note to put choking onto their sex bucket list when they get around to it.)

The thought causes her to whimper, and that paired with Chloe thrusting inside of her is enough to bring her close to the edge. She’s about to tell Chloe not to stop – about to tell her that she’s already close – when she feels Chloe pull her up by the shoulders, until they’re both on their knees. Her pace quickens and Beca cries out at the feeling of Chloe’s hot skin pressed against her back; at the feeling of this new angle; at the feeling of the toy hitting her at the perfect spot.

“Oh, _God_ , Chloe.”

Chloe whimpers, hugging her from behind, slamming her hips against her. The sound of their skin smacking against each other is so raw and obscene that Beca finds it hard to hold back her moans. She lifts her hands and reaches behind her, desperately looking for something to hold onto, and she quickly finds Chloe’s head. She grips her hair tightly, pulling Chloe closer with each thrust, until she feels Chloe’s hot, heavy breaths against her ear.

The toy slips out of her and she lets out a frustrated groan, but Chloe is quick to notice. She slides it back in, and the pleasure starts up again, pushing Beca closer and closer to the edge.

“Hold on, I– wait.”

“Are you okay?” Chloe breathes against her ear, slowing down but not stopping. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No, I just,” she groans, “I don’t want to come too fa– _oh_ , God.”

“I can stop,” Chloe whispers, but she doesn’t stop. She twists her hips and thrusts at just the right angle for Beca to moan, much louder this time, and she has to bite her lip to stop from being too loud. The last thing she needs right now is Jessica or Ashley coming upstairs to check on them.

“Chlo–”

“–You want me to– to stop, baby?”

“Fuck,” she moans, pulling Chloe closer as she pushes the toy deeper. “No, don’t stop.”

“Are you sure?”

“Please.”

“Okay.” One of Chloe’s hands comes up to palm one of her breasts, while the other reaches down to slide two fingers against her clit. The touch of warm fingers against her bundle of nerves, as well as the fact that Chloe starts to speed up again, fucking her faster and harder, is enough for Beca to cry out, hoping that the music is masking the sounds they’re both making.

Her shoulders tense, her back arches, and her grip on Chloe’s hair tightens as she comes.

She bucks her hips backwards as her whole-body shudders and trembles in Chloe’s arms. And Chloe is there to help her through it, slowing her movements and moving her fingers much more gently against her, until Beca finally falls forward. Chloe’s hips quickly follow her, pressing deeper inside, causing Beca to laugh. The laugh quickly turns into a moan as she feels her whole body start to twitch. She gasps, trembling as the aftershocks roll through her, until Chloe slowly pulls out and leans down to press a kiss to the back of her neck.

Neither of them say anything for a while. Beca focuses on her own breathing, trying to catch her breath, as Chloe places soft, delicate kisses all over her body. Sometimes she’ll run a finger over Beca’s center, which sparks the pleasure up again, before she moves to hover over Beca, continuing to kiss her all over.

When Beca breathes out a sigh and opens her eyes, her breath immediately catches in her throat. A breathless, flushed Chloe Beale hovers above her, with the softest, most beautiful smile on her face.

Her expression is akin to the one she gave her earlier, when she called Beca beautiful. The memory causes Beca’s heart to flutter.

She can’t help but reach up to cup Chloe’s face, pulling her down to kiss her. This time, the kiss isn’t messy or sensual; it’s tender and loving, and Chloe’s mouth is so kind and affectionate against her own, that Beca forgets that there’s any music playing, or any other Bellas in the house, or the fact that it was her best friend who just fucked the life out of her, and _not_ her girlfriend.

And it’s not what she expects after an orgasm like _that_ , but when Chloe’s hips press against her and the toy slides through her folds, she can’t help but grind her hips up, wordlessly begging for more. Chloe gets it immediately, reaching down in between them to guide the toy inside once again.

Beca’s gasp breaks their kiss, and Chloe pulls back to look down in between them, watching as the toy slides in and out of Beca at such a slow pace that she doesn’t quite know what to do. She wants to beg for more, but she also wants this to last forever.

One thing she’s certain of, is that it won’t take long for Chloe to make her come again.

“Fuck, don’t stop.”

She hears Chloe whimper before she tears her eyes away from their bodies to look at Beca again, and she wonders for a brief moment if Chloe feels any pleasure from this too. If the toy is rubbing against Chloe in a way that could possibly make her come, if Beca were to help her out.

She gets her answer when Chloe leans in to kiss her, and she grinds her hips upwards. A moan gets caught in Chloe’s throat as her mouth hovers over Beca’s, before she lets out another soft whimper when Beca lifts her hips up again.

“Does that,” she pauses to swallow her moan, “does it feel good?”

Chloe’s response comes as a moan and a whispered “God, yes” before she’s resting her forehead against Beca’s and grinding her hips, pushing the toy deeper inside of her. Beca quickly becomes aware of the current song ending – and at this point she’s lost count of how many songs have already played – so she makes sure to keep as quiet as she can in the short silence between this song and the next.

Her arms wrap tighter around Chloe’s shoulders as she pulls her closer, muffling her moans into Chloe’s neck.

“Baby,” Chloe rasps. It feels like she’s pleading for something but Beca doesn’t know what, and she doesn’t trust herself to speak; too afraid to tell Chloe that whatever she wants, she can have it. So, she wraps her legs tighter around Chloe’s hips and bites at her own hand to stop from moaning too loud.

When Chloe pulls back, Beca almost begs her not to stop, but she quickly realizes that the reason she pulled back was because she wants to look at her. Their eyes meet and Beca’s hands, now looking for something else to hold onto, fall down to the bed, gripping the sheets tightly.

Her hips cant upwards as one of Chloe’s hands – the one that isn’t holding herself up – comes up to stroke Beca’s cheek. The soft gesture causes her stomach to twist and her heart to pound, and she only relaxes when she feels Chloe lean down and press a kiss against her forehead. Her body flushes with something – not desire, she notes – that causes tears to spring to her eyes.

It’s hard to focus on anything but Chloe. The way Chloe is looking at her; the kind, gentle smile on her face, and the way she’s hitting all the right spots that causes the butterflies in Beca’s stomach to flutter harder and faster. The way she’s moaning and whimpering; the feeling of her thumb, so gentle and warm, stroking against her cheek. Her face and chest and shoulders are flushed, and the breaths that she’s panting against Beca’s forehead, as she keeps her lips there, are quick but so very soft.

“Chloe.”

Chloe pulls back to look at her, and Beca gasps, her hands moving to Chloe’s hips to pull her closer.

“What is it?” She slows down and Beca lets out a frustrated groan, but Chloe doesn’t speed up again. “Beca?”

“Faster.”

“ _Beca_.” Chloe whimpers. It sounds like she’s begging for something that Beca can’t quite understand, so she pulls her hips against her, silently begging for her to go faster; to keep going and to never stop.

“Chloe, please.”

Chloe’s thumb wipes a tear from under her eye that she hadn’t even noticed was there. Her stomach coils and she feels like she’s about to throw up.

She starts to pick up the pace when Beca cups her face, bringing her into a deep, passionate kiss. Their noses bump together clumsily which pulls a soft laugh from Chloe. She falters a little, twisting her hips and grinding forward at a new angle, and Beca cries out.

“Jesus Christ, don’t stop.” Her eyes squeeze shut, and she whines a little louder.

She fully expects Chloe to stop; to drag this out for longer, and to keep teasing Beca until she combusts, but she doesn’t. She keeps at the correct pace and Beca’s certain her arms should be aching by now, but Chloe doesn’t waver. She grinds her hips down, pushing the toy into Beca, until Beca’s hands move down to grip at Chloe’s shoulders and her moans start to get louder.

She opens her eyes to see Chloe watching her, and she cries out, hands running up to grip Chloe’s hair again.

“I’m gonna come,” she whispers into Chloe’s mouth as Chloe kisses her softly. “You’re gonna make me come.”

Her hips grind up against Chloe’s thrusts as her breathing gets heavier and her moans get louder, and Chloe watches her every move. She watches her eyes flutter, and her lips part, and her chest heave with each breath she takes. The weight of her gaze and the fact that Chloe is looking at her like she’s in love with what she sees causes Beca’s heart to burst, and she feels like she can’t breathe.

“Chloe, I lo-I'm coming.”

She lets out a choked sob and her grip on Chloe’s hair tightens as she pulls Chloe into her, accepting the teeth against her collarbone and the hand that slips down in between them to rub against her bundle of nerves. She cries out as she comes for the second time, her back arching into Chloe as time seems to stop between them both.

Her eyes squeeze shut and her mind goes blank, and the only thing she can focus on is riding out her orgasm, and not the fact that she just almost ruined everything between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual i'm [chloebeale](http://chloebeale.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> you can support my writing [here](https://ko-fi.com/M4M5ENJK)


	8. stay here forever, babe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10k hits!!!! whaaa?! 
> 
> i just wanna thank everyone for the wonderful feedback. it means so much to me that you’re enjoying this story as much as i enjoy writing it. i love u all so so much

_“baby, the sound of you / better than a harmony / i want you off my mind / and on me / holding me closer than we've ever been before / this ain't a dream / you're here with me / girl, it don't get no better than you / for you, i wanna take my time / all night / i wanna love you in every kind of way / i wanna please you, no matter how long it takes / if the world should end tomorrow and we only have today / i'm gonna love you in every kind of way.”_  
– every kind of way, H.E.R

* * *

Chloe’s breath is warm and wet against her neck as she whispers something that Beca’s mind can’t comprehend. Not when her whole body is still twitching and there’s stars floating around behind her eyelids.

She’s still holding Chloe against her; can still feel the toy filling her up, and Chloe’s warm body snug against her own. She’s draped over her like a security blanket, keeping her sheltered almost, and even though she’s hot and sweaty from moving so much, Beca can’t let her leave just yet. Not after that.

When Chloe bites down on the tattoo on her shoulder, her mind goes into overdrive.

“Holy _shit_.”

Her grip on Chloe only tightens when she feels her start to pull away. She wraps her arms tighter around her shoulders and closes her legs around Chloe’s hips, a silent plea for her to stay. The movement causes another spark of pleasure to ignite deep inside of her, though, and she lets out a soft moan when she realizes that she can definitely go for round three.

“Seriously?” Chloe laughs against her neck.

Beca can only nod and squeeze her eyes shut again, because she’s too scared to speak. Too afraid that once she opens her mouth, all the things she’s feeling right now – all the things she wants to say – will come tumbling out before she can stop herself. She was so close to saying it before.

She can’t trust herself to not tell Chloe that she loves her.

Instead, she grinds her hips up, just enough for the toy to move inside her, as she runs a hand into Chloe’s hair, nails scraping over her scalp.

She lets Chloe pull back this time, until she’s looking at her with a confused but curious look.

“You want more?” Chloe asks, moving her hips backwards, sliding almost all the way out. The loss of being filled causes Beca to whine as her grip on Chloe’s hair tightens, her other hand reaching down Chloe’s back to try and pull Chloe against her. She’s spent, absolutely the weakest she’s ever been in her life, but she still tries.

“Please,” she whimpers. She lifts her hips up, hoping to get a little release, but it does the opposite. The toy slips completely out of her, and she closes her eyes, groaning in annoyance; both at the fact that Chloe isn’t helping, and at how frantic she’s being.

She can’t really find it in herself to care, though. She’s sure that later she’ll look back at this and hate herself for being so utterly desperate, and careless with her actions and her words – and everything about herself, really – but she _can’t_ care right now. All she cares about is her own pleasure; her own desire that’s building up in the pit of her stomach at the mere thought of Chloe being inside her again. It’s shocking, how much she wants this. How much she needs Chloe to stop teasing her, to just give her what she wants right now, or she’s fairly certain she’ll die.

She can’t say any of this, though. She tries to speak again, to demand that Chloe fuck her as hard as she can, until she forgets her name, until she forgets everything she’s ever felt for Chloe, but she can’t.

All that comes out is a strangled moan when the tip of the toy slides against her, rubbing against her clit in a way that causes the knot in her stomach to tighten even more.

“How are you so…” Chloe’s sentence lingers in the air as she props herself up on one hand, using the other to stroke over Beca’s flushed, heaving chest. She flattens her hand and runs it over the place where Beca’s heart is, up and over her collarbone, until her fingers brush over Beca’s neck.

It immediately brings back the memory of Chloe fucking her from behind, squeezing the back of her neck before pulling her up so their bodies were against each other. The sounds their bodies made with each thrust, and the feeling of Chloe’s delicate fingers spreading her as the toy pressed against all the right places inside her.

“Chloe.” Her breath quickens as Chloe strokes deft fingers over her throat, elegantly dancing over damp, hot skin. The way Chloe is looking, not just at _her_ but at her throat, makes Beca’s heart pound in her chest.

She reaches down in between their bodies, pausing her movements for a second to moan when Chloe’s nails scratch lightly at her neck. She continues to watch Chloe, as her own hand wraps around the toy. The feeling of her own wetness on it as she rubs it up and down causes her arousal to spike and her breath to catch. Chloe hasn’t noticed what she’s doing – or if she has, she doesn’t say anything – because she’s preoccupied with Beca’s throat, mesmerized by the way she sighs softly every time Chloe’s fingers run over her pulse point.

With Chloe distracted, Beca pulls the toy against herself, rubbing herself with the head of it before slowly grinding her hips up and gliding it inside. The feeling of being full again causes her to choke back a moan. Just as she does, Chloe’s hand tightens slightly around her neck. The faint press of her finger tips against the side of Beca’s throat causes her eyes to shut and her mouth to fall open, but the only sound that comes out is a heavy exhale.

When Chloe’s hips start to move slowly, Beca’s grip on her hair tightens so much that it makes Chloe hiss in pain, and she immediately releases it, afraid to hurt her. Instead, she drops her hands to the bed, squeezing hard at the messed-up sheets instead.

She starts to panic instantly when Chloe pulls back. She’s ready to pull her close again and tell her not to stop, but instead she watches, curious to see what she’s doing. Chloe, instead of stopping, sits up on her knees so she’s looking down at Beca, and speeds up. Her hand is still wrapped around Beca’s neck, while the other grips her hip to pull her in with each sharp thrust.

“Shit,” Chloe moans, watching her with wide, attentive eyes. “I wish…” she stops, her grip on Beca’s neck loosening just a little. Beca moans in response, but the fingers pressing against the side of her neck still manage to cut off the air just slightly; just enough for Beca to start to feel faint.

“What?” she chokes out. “Tell me.”

Chloe whimpers. “I wish I could feel you,” she breathes out, pulling her hips back, only to push back inside, over and over. “You look so good, baby.”

She’s looking down at Beca, watching the toy slide in and out of her, and the sight of Chloe watching her with such attention and adoration, causes Beca to release an involuntary moan, which gets caught in her throat due to the pressure of Chloe’s fingers against the side of her neck.

She’s sure this new position is absolutely burning Chloe’s thighs, but she’s too selfish to care right now. All she cares about is the fact that she’s never felt anything so good, so _intense,_ before.

“Is this okay?” Chloe asks, breathless, and all Beca can do is laugh, because her vision is fuzzy, and she’s pretty sure she can feel her heartbeat in her ears with how hard and fast its racing, and yes, this is definitely okay.

She looks up at Chloe; at the way she’s panting heavily with each thrust of her hips; at the furrow of her eyebrows as she concentrates on Beca’s pleasure; at her breasts bouncing each time she moves. She never thought she’d be into this stuff but apparently Chloe has brought it out of her, because she’s never seen anything so hot in her entire life. A brief thought filters through her foggy brain; _how long have they been at this?_

Her mind can’t really comprehend the time, or the music playing in the background, or the bed creaking, or the fact that the rest of the Bellas could already be home. They probably are, but she finds that she doesn’t care. She _can’t_ care. Not when Chloe is making her feel so good.

“Fuck,” she exhales, stretching her neck up to see if it makes any difference for her breathing. She doesn’t want Chloe to let go, ever, but at the same time, she’s starting to feel a little too lightheaded.

Eventually, her need for oxygen wins out, and she’s gripping Chloe’s wrist, pulling it away. She surprises herself when she moans at the loss of Chloe’s hand, and she’s about to change her mind, to ask her to put it back, when she feels Chloe’s hand cupping her face instead. Her thumb brushes across Beca’s bottom lip, parting her mouth slowly. Her mouth falls open and she shivers as Chloe’s thumb slowly pushes forward, past her lips. Not all the way in, but just enough to slide over Beca’s tongue; just enough for her to suck it a few times; just enough for her to feel Chloe hook the side of her mouth for a second, before she slowly pulls it out again.

A raspy “shit, Chloe,” falls from her mouth when she feels her rub her thumb over Beca’s lips, coating them in wetness. She presses a kiss against the pad of Chloe’s thumb before Chloe pulls her hand away, placing it on Beca’s knee instead.

With her hands on Beca’s knees, she pushes down until they’re almost at Beca’s chest, and Beca cries out as she pushes deeper, her hands reaching up to grip the bars on the headboard above her.

Chloe’s pace quickens, and Beca feels her stomach coiling and her center clenching with each thrust of the toy inside her. With this new angle, Chloe’s able to push it so much deeper, so much _harder_ against her. She feels it everywhere. It’s too much but not enough.

“Oh my God, baby.” She turns her head to rest it against her bicep, and with every press of the toy deep inside her, she lets out strained, muted moans.

Part of her feels for Chloe, for not being able to experience this yet. For not having the chance to come once, while Beca’s over here close to her third. The rest of her doesn’t care. The rest of her wants to take everything from Chloe until they both pass out.

“Are you close, Bec?” Chloe asks as she leans forward, moving Beca’s legs so they’re over her shoulders, and speeds up. It’s the perfect angle to pull sounds from her that are loud and crude enough to surprise herself. She doesn’t even register Chloe’s question at all. All she can focus on is the sound of the toy slamming inside of her, Chloe’s heavy pants, and the pleasure that feels like it’s about to rip her apart.

She wants to tell Chloe that she’s about to come, but she can’t find the words. All that escapes her mouth are cries of what sounds like Chloe’s name, and choked back pleas. Her grip on the bars above her head is so tight that she knows her hands will ache afterwards, but she doesn’t care.

“That’s it, Bec,” Chloe grinds down into her just right, “come for me,” and then she’s squeezing her eyes shut and clenching around the strap-on, a silent scream catching in the back of her throat as she comes with an arched back.

It feels like it takes forever for her body to regain its composure; to stop twitching and jerking every time Chloe moves against her. Her legs are trembling, and her heart is racing, and all she can think about is how she’s never felt anything like that before. The after effects are so very present and intense, that she doesn’t quite know what to do with herself.

She doesn’t even notice Chloe pulling out of her until she’s no longer full anymore. It pulls a soft sound from her – one that’s in between a content moan and an exhausted whine – as she turns over to lay on her side.

She feels Chloe pull away until the presence of her body is gone from the bed, and she starts to panic again, afraid that Chloe is leaving.

She turns, watching as Chloe focuses on unstrapping the toy from her hips. Her gaze catches Chloe’s attention, because she looks over at her with a kind smile, before turning to put the toy back into the bag it came in.

“I’ll clean that later,” Chloe says, before she’s climbing back onto the bed, on her knees, reaching out for Beca.

She lets Chloe pull her up, too lazy and tired to protest, until Chloe is straddling her hips and lowering herself against her thighs. Her gaze flickers down to Chloe’s center and it hits her; just how turned on Chloe must feel. She hasn’t had any release since they started a good few hours ago. The fact that Chloe isn’t even asking her to help her out, only makes her want her more.

She flattens her hand over Chloe’s stomach, her other hand holding herself up behind her. Chloe’s skin is hot and sticky, and Beca smiles when Chloe’s hips buck as her thumb rubs over her lightly. It’s barely a touch, but it still makes Chloe whimper above her, and she looks up to see Chloe already gazing at her, lip caught between her teeth.

“Please, Bec,” Chloe rasps. The impatient tone of her voice moves something inside of Beca. She wraps her arms around Chloe and flips them over, dropping Chloe against the sheets and pinning her to the bed with her legs. At the gesture, Chloe lets out a squeal which makes Beca laugh, as she leans forward and catches Chloe’s lips with her own.

“God, you’re so cute,” she murmurs against her mouth, the words not registering in her mind until she feels Chloe’s hips grind up against her, reminding her that not only is Chloe adorable, she’s _hot_ too. And it’s totally not fair.

Usually, she’d take her time. She’d tease Chloe just like Chloe loves to tease her, but she feels bad for her. Her whimpers are so desperate, so _needy_ , that Beca can’t help but give Chloe what she wants.

Her hand flits down in between their bodies, her middle finger and ring finger slipping easily against Chloe’s center; gliding down, through her folds, until she’s curling them and pushing them inside. There’s no need for her to comment how wet Chloe is, or how it’s so, so cute how much she _wants_ her. The only thing she can do is focus on making Chloe feel good.

“God, that’s,” Chloe cuts herself off with a moan against Beca’s mouth, and if it wasn’t for the music still playing – which is no longer playing her Spotify playlist, but the various recommended songs based on the ones in the playlist – then Beca would be worried about how loud she’s being. She can’t really fault her though. She’s a hundred percent certain that she was being much louder not five minutes ago.

The memory of Chloe fucking her spurs her on, curling her fingers just right inside of Chloe, pulling soft moans and low whimpers from her. She wants to pay Chloe back, to make her come just as hard as she did, maybe four times, just to one up her.

She pulls her mouth from Chloe’s, kissing her cheek and across her jaw, down her neck and over her chest. Her lips glide over the swell of her breast, pausing to bite down a little – pulling another sharp gasp from Chloe – until she eventually reaches a nipple. She closes her mouth around it immediately, sucking and using her teeth to put a small amount of pressure on it. It makes Chloe’s back arch, silently pleading for more, and she smiles as she kisses her way over to the other nipple.

“Faster.” Chloe’s hands come up to tangle in her hair, holding Beca’s head still against her as she speeds up her actions. Her wrist is already starting to ache, but she fights through the pain, pushing up to her knuckles and curling her fingers. The sounds they’re making are lewd enough to almost make her cringe, but she doesn’t focus on that.

She focuses on Chloe; Chloe’s nipple in her mouth; Chloe, so tight around her fingers; Chloe’s wetness dripping down onto her sheets; Chloe’s nails scraping over her head, down past her neck until they’re digging into her shoulders. She focuses on the rise and fall of Chloe’s chest against her, and the moans that seem to blend together perfectly with the current song playing.

“Bec,” Chloe whimpers, pulling at her shoulders. “Come up here.”

She’s doing as she’s told immediately, accepting the kiss that Chloe pulls her into. It’s messy and wet, but Chloe’s lips are so very gentle – so very _perfect_ – against her own, that it makes her stomach tighten and her heart feel like it’s about to burst out of her chest.

Her fingers continue to curl inside of Chloe, occasionally pulling out to spread her slick over her; to rub tight little circles against her with more pressure and purpose, before entering her again. It’s a faulty rhythm, Beca knows this, but she doesn’t want Chloe to come. She doesn’t want it to be over just yet.

Chloe breaks the kiss with a loud moan when Beca pulls out again, before entering with three fingers this time. She feels Chloe stretch around her, and the difference makes Chloe’s back arch.

“Fuck, that feels so good.”

“Yeah?” Beca kisses her again, but she’s too distracted to keep at it. She wants all of her focus to be on Chloe’s pleasure, and Chloe’s too far gone to be able to kiss her back anyway.

“Yeah,” Chloe breathes, cupping Beca’s face, looking into her eyes. “I love– _shit_ , right there baby.” She whimpers. “I love the way you fuck me.”

“Oh, my God.” She drops her head down to Chloe’s neck, pressing her lips against her hot, damp skin. Chloe’s words – Chloe _cursing_ , and talking dirty – has more of an effect on her each time she hears it. There’s that familiar feeling in her stomach again; the feeling of a rope being tied in a knot, tightening and constricting her air flow every time she takes in a breath.

Chloe suddenly lifts her leg up to press her thigh against Beca’s center, and the light pressure against her sensitive bundle of nerves is enough to make her moan against Chloe’s neck. She feels herself twitch, and her fingers tremble and break their rhythm as she grinds down against Chloe.

“Don’t stop,” Chloe begs. “Please, don’t stop.”

And she’s pretty sure she’s ready to come again with a few more touches against her center, but this moment is about Chloe right now. So, she lifts herself up and off of Chloe’s leg, unable to trust herself not to grind down onto it again, as she picks up the rhythm that she’d set.

Chloe reacts immediately, her nails digging into Beca’s shoulders as she bucks her hips up against Beca’s hand. Her fingers curl again as she uses her thumb to stroke over Chloe’s clit, and then she’s crying out, releasing Beca’s shoulders and running her hands up into her own hair. Beca sits back on her knees, opening Chloe’s legs a little wider, and she watches her.

She watches her eyes close and her mouth fall open with a silent moan. She watches her throat stretch as she tilts her head back against the pillow, swallowing thickly, before exhaling repeatedly out of her nose. It makes her chest heave and her stomach clench, and Beca finds herself mesmerized as she gazes down at her.

Chloe’s head turns to the side and her mouth opens to breathe hot air against her bicep. She looks almost ethereal, with her hair spread out against the pillow and the glowing flush in her cheeks and her chest. It’s the most beautiful sight Beca has ever seen. She can’t look away.

(She wonders if this is how Chloe felt when she was looking down at Beca from this position.)

She gasps when Chloe’s eyes open to look at her, eyebrows furrowed and her mouth falling open with a choked moan.

“Give me your hand,” Beca whispers, her voice hoarse and shaky. Chloe releases the grip she has on her own hair and drops her hand to her stomach, sliding down. Beca knows that it’s because that’s all she can manage right now, and an idea flashes through her mind at the sight of Chloe stroking a delicate hand over her abdomen.

With her own fingers still moving inside of Chloe, she pulls Chloe’s hand down, pressing her fingers against herself. Immediately, Chloe’s head rolls back and she starts to move her fingers without Beca even telling her to; without Beca having to move them for her. She circles her own clit and Beca sits back and watches, afraid to blink in case she misses anything.

She was originally asking for Chloe’s hand so she could hold it, but this is _so_ much better.

When Chloe picks up her pace, the circles becoming tighter and pressing harder, Beca slows down. It pulls a frustrated whine from Chloe’s throat as she turns to look at Beca. Her eyes are wide and glistening, and Beca’s pretty sure she’s asking her something, pleading with her, but Beca doesn’t have the answer.

“I’m gonna come,” Chloe whispers, her eyes still locked with Beca’s, but struggling to stay open. She starts to feel her clench around her fingers, enough to make it difficult to go any deeper. Her breathing gets ragged and her fingers speed up, and then Beca, without warning, pulls out.

She sits back and watches Chloe make herself come, moaning out Beca’s name as she throws her head back. Her legs squeeze shut around her hand, and Beca quickly pries them open again, keeping Chloe exposed for her so she can watch. She watches the way her muscles tense, and her hips buck, and her legs tremble as she coaxes herself through it, slowly stroking herself until she eventually pulls her hand away and glides it up her stomach with a soft, tired laugh.

Beca can see the trail of wetness her fingers leave against her skin, and she can’t help but bend down to press her mouth against Chloe abdomen, licking her way up the trail before stopping to press open-mouthed kisses over her stomach.

She wipes her hand on the sheets as she kisses her way up Chloe’s body, smiling when Chloe’s whole-body twitches as she flicks a tongue over her nipple.

Eventually, she stops in front of Chloe, hovering above her.

“You’re… evil… for doing that,” Chloe pants, and Beca smiles as she kisses her.

“That was so hot,” she murmurs. “ _You’re_ so hot.”

Chloe’s laugh is breathless and soft, and she breaks the kiss to heave herself up, until she’s pushing Beca by the shoulders.

“Let me up,” she says, trying to push Beca off of her, and Beca’s stomach immediately fills with dread.

“No,” she whispers, and then she’s pushing Chloe back down, pressing a kiss against her cheek. “Stay,” she mumbles against her skin, running a hand down her side. “I wanna make you come again.”

“Bec.” Chloe’s back arches at the tickling sensation and she breathes out another laugh, “we’ve been at it for hours.”

She pulls back, looking down at Chloe.

Her heart aches, something inside of her snapping when she realizes that Chloe doesn’t _want_ to stay.

Chloe is looking up at her with bright, curious eyes, and Beca sees it as a challenge. Chloe’s watching her, trying to figure her out, trying to understand what she’s feeling. She wants Beca to say something – Beca can see it in her eyes – but Beca doesn’t know what to say. She swallows, frantically studying Chloe’s face, trying to get across that she doesn’t want her to leave. She breathes out a sigh, a silent plea for her to just stay. Stay with her, and they can go back to how things were tomorrow.

Tonight, she just needs Chloe.

“Beca?”

Her mouth parts, and she’s about to say something when she hears the bedroom door open and close.

“Shorty!” Amy shouts up the stairs.

Beca’s eyes are widening in terror as Chloe mutters “shit!” under her breath, thankful that the music is still playing so it masks the sound of them frantically moving off of each other.

Time seems to slow down as Beca listens to Amy ascend the stairs, and she doesn’t even think before she’s throwing a blanket at Chloe and pushing her into the closet, shutting the door and quickly slipping under her sheets.

“…so I told him that I’d– woah,” Beca looks over at Amy’s figure in the dim lit room. “You’re in bed already?”

“Um,” she fakes a cough, “yeah, I’m not feeling too good.”

“Gross, don’t breathe on me. I’ll be in and out before you even know I’m here.”

“I already know you’re here, Amy.”

She watches as Amy approaches the bed, throwing her bag onto her own bed before looking down at Beca.

“What are you... oh, my God.”

“What?” She widens her eyes at Amy’s terrified look, watching as she covers her eyes, turns around, and starts to walk away. “Amy! What?!”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt!” she yells. “You just… continue! Um, doing whatever it is you’re doing.” She trips over some clothes on her way towards the stairs because she’s covering her eyes, and Beca hopes to God she doesn’t pause and realize the clothes on the floors are Chloe’s.

“Amy!”

“I’m leaving! Enjoy yourself!”

She lays back against the sheets with a sigh, closing her eyes and shaking her head. It’s only when the bedroom door slams shut that Chloe appears, still holding the blanket that Beca threw at her.

“Did she think you were masturbating?”

All Beca can do is groan and cover her face.

She’s too embarrassed to notice Chloe gathering her clothes, until she uncovers her eyes and sees her almost fully dressed, tucking her shirt the right way out before slipping it over her head.

She sits up, careful to keep the covers over her bare chest. She’s not sure why, because Chloe’s seen more than enough of her, for her to feel comfortable being naked in her presence. Maybe she wants to punish Chloe for leaving. She doesn’t think it does much, though. Chloe picks the bag up from the floor near her bed, and walks over to her with a smile, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

“Goodnight, Bec.”

She doesn’t notice the hand reaching out to grab Chloe’s wrist, or the fact that she tugs her closer until she’s almost falling onto the bed. It doesn’t feel like she’s controlling herself. Not when she lets the sheets fall down, exposing herself to Chloe, as she reaches up with her other hand. She cups Chloe’s face, trembling fingers running over warm skin, and blinks back the fear that she’s sure is present in her eyes.

She doesn’t recognize her gentle and desperate tone when she finally finds her voice.

“Please, Chloe. Don’t go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual i'm [chloebeale](http://chloebeale.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> you can support my writing [here](https://ko-fi.com/M4M5ENJK)


	9. it’s feeling like the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a p significant time jump in this story. i plan to do a few deleted scene type fics when this is finally finished. i just needed to skip things along for the sake of the plot. things may seem like they're getting worse but please stick with me  
> (chapter rated T for no smut. we'll be back to the regularly scheduled sin in chapter 10)

_“softly  / dream about the days / love me / tell me that you’ll stay / i need you / if you’re not the one for me who is / i need you / if you’re not the one for me who is / jesus, show yourself / if you’re not the one for me who is / you’ve made me / if you’re not the one for me who is / don’t leave me.”  
_ – if you’re not the one for me who is, keshi

* * *

“What?”

“Don’t...” she pauses to lick her lips, and she knows that from this angle – sitting on the bed as she looks up at Chloe, pleading with her to stay – she looks desperate and weak, and she hates herself for it, but she can’t let Chloe go. “Don’t go. I…”

“Bec,” Chloe’s whisper is soft and the hand against Beca’s cheek is warm. It’s so warm that Beca feels her nose sting and her bottom lip start to tremble, and she has to pull Chloe’s face towards hers to mask the fact that she’s about to cry.

“Don’t leave,” she murmurs just as her mouth meets Chloe’s; just as Chloe climbs onto the bed to hover over her; just as Chloe kisses her back immediately. And Chloe’s still fully clothed but the feeling of her against Beca’s naked body makes her feel so much warmer, so much safer than she’s felt before.

The kiss is frantic and messy, and Beca’s pulling at Chloe’s clothes before Chloe can object. She tugs at the bottom of her shirt, momentarily breaking the kiss to pull it over her head. It falls to the floor and then she’s pulling Chloe closer, desperate to feel Chloe’s bare skin against her own again.

“The Bellas,” Chloe breathes into her mouth, “Amy… She could come back.”

“I don’t care.”

Chloe’s hips grind upwards, against Beca, and they both let out soft whimpers, Beca’s hands frantically trying to feel everything all at once.

She knows she’s doing it because she’s afraid. She’s scared that she’s already said too much. That Chloe will realize that she has feelings for her, and she’ll leave and Beca will never get to see her like this again; will never get to touch her or taste her or make love to her.

She’s terrified that this could be the last time.

“Take your… your jeans off.” Chloe pulls back, undoing the button on her jeans before rolling off of Beca to pull them down her legs, and Beca watches as she pulls her underwear down with them. She throws them onto the floor and climbs back onto Beca, straddling her and accepting the kiss that Beca pulls her down into.

Her hands run up Chloe’s waist, fingers delicately tickling over her ribcage. It pulls a laugh from Chloe that momentarily breaks their kiss, and Beca can’t stop the smile that starts to tug at the corners of her mouth. It only gets bigger when she feels Chloe run a hand through her hair and grind down into her again.

And she knows they’re past the point of asking for permission to touch each other but she can’t help but ask, when her fingers run up Chloe’s spine to fiddle with her bra clasp, “Can I?”

Chloe is nodding immediately, whispering “please,” and her breathing a little labored from kissing so much; from kissing so fast. Beca pinches the clasp and it comes undone, the straps falling down Chloe’s arms. The bra quickly meets the rest of their clothes and Beca’s hands immediately slide up Chloe’s stomach, fingers moving gracefully over her nipples as she runs her hands up to Chloe’s neck.

When she feels Chloe nip at her bottom lip, pulling back slightly before letting go, she can’t help but whimper.

One of her hands glide back down Chloe’s stomach, over her abdomen, until her fingers brush over Chloe’s center.

“Wait, Bec. _Beca_.” She pulls back immediately, breaking their kiss and moving her hand away from Chloe. And she’s about to apologize, when Chloe breathes out a sigh. “Just let me catch my breath.”

“Sorry.”

Chloe’s hands are cupping her face, looking down at her with dark, hooded eyes. She’s breathing heavily, and Beca’s hands run up her waist, squeezing them and anchoring them down, to keep Chloe on her.

She doesn’t know what she’ll do if Chloe leaves now. Not when she’s so clearly trying to get across how much it’ll mean to her if she stays.

The pads of Chloe’s thumbs stroke across her cheeks, and the soft gesture – paired with the fact that Chloe is looking down at her with so much wonder – is enough to tug at her heart strings and make her eyes start to water again.

“Becs,” Chloe whispers. Her tone is so calm, so _fond_ , and Beca is about to pull her in to a kiss again, to distract herself from her need to cry, when Chloe wipes her tears away and presses a kiss to her forehead. “What’s going on?”

Her breath catches in her throat and she closes her eyes, letting her head fall forward to rest against Chloe’s chest. Chloe hugs her immediately, one hand stroking delicate fingers through her hair. Usually when Chloe’s fingers are in her hair she’s pulling, getting them tangled, but not now. Now, she’s being so gentle; so careful not to hurt Beca.

It makes Beca feel sick.

“Beca, you know you can tell me anything.” Chloe whispers, pressing a kiss against the top of her head. “You’re my best friend.”

The room suddenly becomes hot, way too quickly.

Beca sighs, and the sigh quickly turns into a bitter laugh, because _of course._

She doesn’t have to worry about Chloe knowing how she feels because Chloe _can’t_ see it. Not even when Beca’s so desperately trying to get it across to her that she loves her; that she doesn’t want her to leave because she wants to spend every minute with her; that she’s never felt this way about someone before and it absolutely terrifies her.

“Hey,” Chloe strokes her head, and Beca’s suddenly too mad to be comforted by it; too mad that Chloe can’t see what she’s doing to her. “Bec, look at me.”

She squeezes her eyes shut, counts to three, and looks up.

Chloe strokes her face. “What’s wrong?” She asks. “Are you still mad that I kissed Tom?” And the memory makes Beca nauseous. Her nostrils flare and her eyes close and she feels all the pent-up anger from the past two years start to bubble up with every word Chloe speaks. “Is it something else? Amy? The setlist? Your dad?”

Chloe’s hands on her cheeks are less comforting with every word she says. They feel like they’re burning her skin and she tries to reach up to move them off of her, but Chloe keeps them there, her face close to Beca’s. And Beca feels like with every breath Chloe exhales over her skin, brushing past her lips, she loses the ability to breathe, until she’s breathing through her nose and swallowing back her composure.

“Talk to me, honey.” She says in the gentlest tone, as if she isn’t the one that’s causing Beca all this pain. “I’m here for you.”

She opens her eyes.

“Can you please just shut the _fuck_ up?” Chloe’s eyes widen and her mouth opens but nothing comes out, and suddenly Beca’s swallowing the lump in her throat and shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t– I,” she tightens her hold on Chloe when she feels her start to pull her hands away from her face. “I– I’m–”

“–Let go of me.”

She’s about to say no, to explain herself and tell Chloe why she’s angry, but her words get caught in her throat when she feels Chloe’s hands on her own, removing them from her hips, before getting off of her.

“Chloe.”

“What?” she snaps, turning around. She reaches out for her hand, but Chloe pulls away and starts to gather her clothes, and all Beca can do is watch.

She wants to object. To tell Chloe that the reason she’s so angry is because Chloe can’t see that she’s breaking her apart; to tell Chloe that she’s not good with feelings but she knows, without a doubt, that she’s in love with her. She wants to tell her everything. That she’s been in love with her for almost as long as they’ve known each other, and the only reason she agreed to this stupid arrangement was because she was desperate for Chloe to want her back in some way. She wants to tell Chloe that she didn’t mean to snap at her, she’s just had so much anger building inside of her for so long, that it apparently couldn’t be pushed down any longer.

She wants to stop Chloe from leaving, but her words get stuck in her throat, and she’s too scared to mess things up even more. She’s always too scared. Too terrified to tell Chloe the truth, in case Chloe doesn’t feel the same way, and everything changes between them.

She doesn’t know who she’s angrier at; Chloe for leaving, or herself for being so fucking hopeless.

Her brain finally kicks in when Chloe, fully dressed, starts to leave.

“Chloe, I–”

Chloe stops at the top of the stairs and watches her, waiting for an explanation or an excuse or maybe something else. Beca knows she’s waiting for something. She can see it in her eyes, and the quirk of her brow. She stands still, one hand on the rail, waiting for Beca to say something.

Beca doesn’t know what to say, though. She swallows and looks away.

She hears Chloe let out a tired “I’ll see you at practice” before she leaves.

* * *

The thing Beca hates the most is that they never talk.

Whenever something goes wrong in their relationship – or whatever it is – Beca hates that they don’t communicate how they feel. For the most part, they ignore that anything happened in the first place, whether it’s them having sex or them fighting over something; they just _never_ talk about it.

Beca knows she’s mostly to blame in that aspect. She knows how terrible she is with confrontation; how she’d much rather move past things than to talk about them and make things complicated. It’s one of the reasons she left the first time she slept with Chloe, because she didn’t want the awkward conversation that followed.

She wonders if things would be different if she’d stayed that first night. She would’ve had to go through the horrible, awkward conversation about what this means for their relationship now, but maybe things would be better. Maybe she and Chloe would be dating, and all this heartbreak and pain would’ve been for nothing.

Then again, maybe things would be worse. Maybe Chloe would’ve had to tell her that she doesn’t feel that way about her and that it shouldn’t have happened, and maybe they would’ve gone back to being just friends. Friends who don’t sleep with each other almost every night and refuse to acknowledge their feelings afterwards.

Beca’s not sure which option she’d prefer.

* * *

Bellas practice feels like it goes on forever, and when the clock finally hits 6PM, she claps her hands and tells the Bellas that they’re done for the day.

Chloe had been avoiding eye contact with her almost all day, and the Bellas had definitely noticed. She didn’t miss the glances that Stacie was throwing her way, or the muttered “this is aca-awkward” that Amy aimed at Jessica. It’s why she doesn’t stick around afterwards. She packs her laptop away and rushes out as quick as she can, pulling her phone out as she powerwalks through campus.

She’s about to call Jesse when she hears Chloe yell her name from behind her.

If it was any other day, she’d stop immediately. She’d wait up for Chloe and accept Chloe’s hand in her own and she’d smile at her and ask her if she wants to go get Pizza or a milkshake.

She doesn’t stop, though.

There’s too many thoughts going around her head, taking up every corner of her brain, and all of them are telling her to keep going. She can’t find a reason to stop. Chloe’s the one who made her feel this way, so she knows that being in her presence right now won’t help at all.

The only problem is, Chloe’s never been good at taking a hint.

“ _Beca_ , Jesus. Wait up!”

She stops and turns around, pocketing her phone as she waits for Chloe to catch up to her. It makes her even more annoyed that Chloe looks so beautiful, even after a grueling five-hour practice.

“Hey,” Chloe breathes out when she finally reaches her, a little disheveled from running. It reminds Beca of how she looks after sex, and she has to close her eyes and pinch her nose to get rid of the thought. “Um, can we talk?”

“I was uh…” she opens her eyes, finally making eye contact with Chloe for the first time since last night. She motions behind her, in the general vicinity of the cafeteria. “Jesse needed me for something.”

She sees the disappointment in Chloe’s face immediately, and she feels her façade start to break before Chloe even speaks. It’s the forced smile, and the small nod, and the way she breaks eye contact; it tugs at something inside of Beca, and suddenly her brain is telling her to give Chloe what she wants.

“Right, uh,” Chloe looks around, hand coming up to adjust the backpack strap on her shoulder. “I’ll see you at home then?”

When Beca doesn’t answer, Chloe starts to turn away, ready to leave. Something snaps inside of Beca, like it did last night, and she’s reaching out for her, closing a hand around her wrist. It makes Chloe turn back around, eyes wide and hopeful, and that’s enough for Beca to completely give in.

“I’ll tell him I’m busy.”

* * *

Beca expects to be stripped naked and pushed onto the bed within two minutes when they enter Chloe’s room. That’s usually how it goes. Instead, Chloe keeps a hold of her hand and pulls her towards the bed, sitting against the headboard and tugging Beca towards her.

Beca climbs over Chloe and sits beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders when Chloe’s head drops to rest against her. And Beca is tired, both from practice and from being mad at Chloe, so she stays quiet and lets Chloe initiate the conversation.

After a few minutes of silence, Chloe finally says something.

“Huh?”

“I said I’m sorry.”

Beca sighs. “You don’t have to be sorry, I was the one who was a dick.”

“I know, but I feel like it’s my fault.”

She doesn’t know what to say to that, because it’s partly true, but she knows that’s not something she can hold against Chloe. A lump forms in her throat and she tries to blink away the sudden tears in her eyes, in case Chloe looks up and sees that she’s not okay.

She hates being mad at Chloe.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Beca says, and she pauses to swallow, but it’s hard with the sudden pressure she feels. “It’s just… me. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

She feels nauseous, and it only adds to it when Chloe looks up at her and strokes her fingers across the inside of her wrist.

She repeats her words from last night, and Beca tries to not let it affect her too much.

“You can talk to me. I’m your best friend.”

She can only nod, just managing to suppress the heartbroken whimper that tries to escape from her throat as she lets the tears fall. “I know.”

It’s the first time she falls asleep in Chloe’s bed without being worn out from Chloe fucking her, and when she wakes up at midnight, Chloe is sound asleep. They’re still fully clothed, still pressed against each other, still holding hands. She struggles, but she manages to detach herself from Chloe.

She presses a kiss to her forehead before she leaves.

* * *

The rest of junior year goes quicker than Beca would like.

Each day, she tells herself that she’s going to break things off, before Chloe graduates. With every morning she wakes up on her own, or every night she sneaks out of Chloe’s room, she tells herself that tomorrow will be the day she breaks things off.

But then Chloe will look at her with kind eyes and motion for her to come to her, and Beca’s too weak to say no.

 _“Come here, I have something for you,”_ Chloe will say to her, before Beca gets the chance to tell her that they need to talk. And Beca will go to her, mesmerized by her smile, and she’ll accept the kisses that Chloe plants against her mouth, across her neck, down her body until she’s between her legs.

 _“I want you,”_ Chloe will moan, on the rare occasion that Beca is on top, and Beca will obey immediately. She’ll give Chloe whatever she wants, too addicted to care about the fact that Chloe won’t be here when she wakes up in the morning.

 _“Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes,”_ Chloe will whisper in her ear when they’re drunk at an acapella party. Most of the time they’re held at the Treblemakers’ house but sometimes they’re at the Bellas’, and Chloe will switch ‘bathroom’ for ‘my bedroom’ and Beca will always, _always_ follow.

 _“I’m sorry I fell asleep,”_ Chloe will tell her on the days when they use Beca’s room instead. Beca usually wakes up first, watching Chloe softly and carefully, before Chloe wakes up and pops their bubble. The bubble in which they’re together, and happy, and neither of them feel like they’re slowly breaking apart when they’re reminded that this is just a casual thing.

Sometimes it’s easy. It’s easy for Beca to go about her day to day life, knowing that the two of them are exclusive. It’s easy knowing that the only person she has to compete with is herself. And Chloe isn’t hers exactly, but sometimes Beca allows herself to pretend, just for a while, that Chloe loves her back.

Sometimes, she’s stupid enough to think that Chloe _does_ love her.

Chloe will look at her with a soft, kind smile; a smile that has Beca’s heart racing the minute she sees it. She’ll hold her gaze for a while, and then she’ll look at Beca’s lips, before quickly turning away. There’s so much softness in her gaze, that Beca’s brain tells her that Chloe wants her as much as she wants Chloe.

But then she’s reminded of the fact that they’re just friends – best friends, as Chloe likes to call them so often; _too_ often in Beca’s opinion – and she hates herself for thinking they could be anything more.

* * *

It’s the day before the ICCA’s, when they get back from rehearsal, that Chloe pulls Beca into her room.

“Chlo, I’m too tired to–”

She’s cut off by Chloe hugging her, letting out a choked sob into her collarbone, and she hugs her back immediately.

“Woah, what’s wrong?” she asks, and although she’s tired, her voice is still soft and caring, as she gently strokes a hand over Chloe’s hair and hugs her tightly.

And they don’t do this, really. Whenever one of them is upset or annoyed at something, they use that as an excuse to have sex, to take their mind off of it. Sometimes – _rarely_ – Chloe won’t be in the mood, so they’ll part ways at Chloe’s bedroom door and go do their own thing. Sometimes, when they’re too drunk to touch each other properly, they’ll go back to the Bellas and forget about the fact that they were just about to have sex against the bathroom door, or against Chloe’s dresser, or wherever they ended up.

Ever since Junior year started, ever since their fight, it was rare that they’d spend time together that wasn’t at Bella practices or going down on each other when all the Bellas were asleep. So, it’s not really an unfamiliar feeling, having a crying Chloe Beale in her arms, but it’s something Beca hasn’t felt in a while now. Not since things changed the night she almost told Chloe how she felt about her.

Eventually Chloe pulls back, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, but Beca keeps her close, holding her by the waist.

“Sorry, I just… needed a hug.”

“What is it?” She steps back, away from Chloe, and although she hates the loss of contact, her anxiety is starting to bubble up in her stomach, and she’s afraid that Chloe has bad news. “Chlo.”

“I failed Russian Lit.”

“Again?”

Chloe nods.

“On purpose.” It’s not a question, but Chloe nods again, and Beca swallows the lump in her throat as she feels her anxiety start to fade away. It’s replaced with a comforting, happy feeling, and Beca’s surprised to find herself clenching her jaw to stop herself from tearing up as she pulls Chloe into another hug.

She tells herself it’s because seeing Chloe cry makes her want to cry too.

In reality, she’s just relieved that they have more time.

* * *

When summer finally comes around, Beca starts to dread the moment Chloe leaves for Florida again.

It had been so hard last year, spending two whole months away from Chloe. There had been texting, and facetiming, and a lot of phone calls that resulted in the two of them breathing heavily, hands down their pants in their respective bedrooms, but it hadn’t been the same. Beca missed Chloe more than she thought she would, and she doesn’t know if she can go through that again.

When Chloe casually asks her, when they’re the only two in the house and she has Beca pinned against the kitchen counter, if she wants to go home with her for summer break, Beca already knows it’s a yes.

She watches Chloe kiss her way down her body, dropping to her knees as she strokes a thumb through her slick, pulling out a whimper from Beca. She lifts Beca’s leg up to rest over her shoulder and she kisses the inside of her thigh, and Beca’s hand runs over Chloe’s head, trying to pull her closer.

Chloe looks up at her, smiling.

“Well?” She asks, breathing against Beca’s center.

Beca knew her answer before Chloe even had to ask.

She nods, moaning out a quiet “yeah” and letting her head fall back against the cupboard above her head when Chloe finally tastes her.

* * *

 **[9:18 AM] Jesse:** Heard ur going to FL w Chloe this summer???

 **[9:19 AM] Beca:** wtf who told u

 **[9:19 AM] Jesse:** Amy

 **[9:19 AM] Beca:** of course she did

 **[9:20 AM] Jesse:** U sure this is a good idea??

 **[9:20 AM] Beca:** it’s a terrible idea  
**[9:20 AM] Beca:** but i think i’m gonna tell her how i feel

“Becs, you ready?”

Beca looks up from her phone, smiling at Chloe.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual i'm [chloebeale](http://chloebeale.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> you can support my writing [here](https://ko-fi.com/M4M5ENJK)


	10. only you take all of me

_“i'll give you my body / just don't tell nobody / i'll give you my body / 'cause being without you is impossible / i'd rather be with you and be vulnerable / i pretend to my friends in the meantime / or they'll tell me that i'm a fool / but i wouldn't be able to feel love / if it wasn't for breaking rules / maybe fueling the fire means / i'm definitely crazy / guess i'm willing to burn / if you're the one who comes to save me.”  
_ – body, sinéad harnett

* * *

They’ve been on a plane together a few times, back and forth to New York for the ICCA finals for three years running. Six two-hour flights, all of which they spent with the Bellas surrounding them.

Beca’s always wondered what it’d be like to be alone on a plane with Chloe, with no Bellas there to be suspicious of them or what they’re doing. No Bellas to tease them about how cuddly they’re being, even though they all know that Chloe is scared of flying and Beca’s just being a considerate friend.

Now, they’re on a plane full of strangers. Strangers who won’t bat an eye at how cuddly they are. Strangers who won’t notice if Beca moves the arm rest from in between them and sits a little closer to Chloe, or drapes a blanket over the two of them as she runs her hand over Chloe’s bare thigh.

Chloe told her she wore a skirt because it will be even warmer when they land in Florida and it’s easier to wear one for the flight, so she doesn’t have to change later.

But Beca’s not an idiot.

(“I know what you’re doing,” Beca had said to her that morning as she stepped out of the door, making sure to lock up before dragging her suitcase along the front lawn towards their Uber. Chloe had given her an innocent look, and walked ahead of her, making sure to put an extra sway in her hips as she dragged her own suitcase behind her.

Beca had stopped her just before they reached the car, grabbing her hip and spinning her around to face her.

“Easy access for the flight,” she whispered, looking down at the skirt, before looking back up at Chloe. “Right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Chloe had replied, but Beca could tell by the blush on her cheeks that she knew exactly what Beca meant.)

She’s thankful that the seat beside them is empty. It means there will be less people wondering why she’s leaning into Chloe, the blanket covering most of their bodies; covering the fact that her hand is slowly gliding up Chloe’s thigh.

“Told you I knew what you were doing,” Beca whispers as Chloe’s forehead rests against her own, and she watches Chloe’s eyes close as her fingers dance over the front of her underwear.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t use this flight as a chance to,” she cuts herself off with a whimper as Beca’s middle finger runs over the fabric covering her entrance, “to tick off something else on our bucket list?” she continues.

Beca’s fingers still as she thinks about the list – the list they made months ago; a few weeks after their fight – and Chloe whimpers quietly and shifts her hips to try to get Beca to continue. She had almost forgotten about the list. They had been drunk when they thought of the idea and drunk again when they made it after a Bella party.

Beca remembers the flush on her chest as Chloe brought up different scenarios, ranging between public sex and making a sex tape. The thought of them now, as she has her hand in between Chloe’s legs on a very public airplane, makes her heart rate start to increase.

She remembers Chloe writing things down without even asking her, and her having to cross things out or add a “maybe” next to it, because she wasn’t sure if she wanted to do them or not. But as time passed – as more things on the list got ticked off – Beca became more comfortable with Chloe’s suggestions. Hell, she’d tried positions that she’d never even heard of before.

There were some things on the list, though, that they hadn’t been able to try. Especially since the Bellas were always around.

(“Mile high club!” Chloe had said excitedly. “We _have_ to do it on a plane.”

“When on earth will we _ever_ be on a plane that isn’t filled with our _friends_ , Chlo?”)

Beca smiles at the memory of it; the pout on Chloe’s face as she heard Beca’s response, and the smile tugging at her lips when she wrote it down anyway.

She never thought they’d get to do it, but the opportunity is laid out in front of them, and really, she’s doing this for Chloe’s sake. Her hands have been shaking ever since the plane ascended into the sky, nervous about the fact that they’re thirty-five thousand feet from the ground.

Beca had asked if she was nervous, and Chloe had responded with a sharp nod and her fingers pressed harder against Beca’s wrist, silently asking her to hold her hand. Now, Chloe seems less nervous. She’s still fidgety, but Beca thinks that might have something to do with the fact that her hand is currently teasing her entrance and causing her body to twitch every time a finger runs over the fabric.

Chloe’s slowly relaxing.

Beca’s just being a good friend.

“Bec.” Chloe’s whispered plea starts against her mouth, but her head quickly drops to Beca’s shoulder when she finally moves Chloe’s underwear out of the way and glides her fingers through her wetness.

“Holy _shit_ , Chlo,” Beca rasps when she feels how wet Chloe is. When she feels how easy it is to slide inside of her.

“I know.” The angle is weird and new, but it’s not at all as uncomfortable as Beca thought it would be. With the blanket over them, and Chloe’s head on her shoulder, it just looks like they’re cuddling. With Chloe’s eyes squeezed shut, and Beca’s eyes downcast to watch her, it looks like they’re two friends – maybe even girlfriends – having a nap to pass time on their flight.

“You have to be quiet,” Beca whispers, making sure to keep her mouth next to Chloe’s ear so only Chloe can hear her. She works her fingers in and out slowly, Chloe’s arousal making it easy to enter her with two fingers. Her breathing is already shallow, and her hips lift up off of the seat at the action, and Beca smiles at the way Chloe’s hand comes down to grip the seat.

Her heart starts to race at the possibility of being caught like this, but when she looks around, nobody seems to have noticed them.

As she pulls out at an agonizingly slow pace, her middle finger rubbing over Chloe’s clit, Chloe’s breath hitches against her ear, before she exhales slowly. She gives more attention to her clit, taking note of how swollen it feels, and she rubs tight circles on it and tries not to hiss too loud when Chloe bites at her shoulder. She slides inside Chloe again, in and out, making sure to put pressure against where she’s most sensitive each time she pulls out.

She recognizes the sharp breaths against her ear. It means that Chloe’s struggling to be quiet, and it won’t take long for her to come. And she desperately wants to stop and ask Chloe to meet her in the bathroom in ten seconds, so she can taste her instead, but that’d be way too obvious.

Her fingers keep at a steady pace, but she makes sure to push them in a little deeper each time, Chloe’s wetness quickly reaching up to her knuckles. And she makes sure to listen for any noises that give away what they’re doing; makes sure to slow down whenever Chloe’s breathing, or the slick sounds under the blanket, gets a little too loud.

“Beca,” Chloe exhales against her ear, her hand is quickly moving from the seat to hold onto Beca’s wrist. She keeps Beca’s hand there and Beca feels her clenching around her fingers before she lets out a whimper, quickly covering it up with a cough as she buries her head in Beca’s neck.

She finds herself missing the way Chloe tells her that she’s about to come, before she cries out and arches her back, but she can’t really complain. Having Chloe so trusting and vulnerable like this is more than enough to satisfy her.

She spends the rest of the two-hour flight listening to her music with Chloe’s head resting on her shoulder.

Despite the lightness of the situation, there’s still a heaviness in her chest. It’s been there ever since she sent that text to Jesse, and she’s afraid that if she doesn’t tell Chloe soon, then her heart may threaten to burst out of her chest.

* * *

Chloe’s dad picks them up from the airport.

Beca watches Chloe let go of her suitcase before running to him, until the two collide into a hug. And she’s not really one for cliché reunions in an airport – she remembers Jesse forcing her to watch a movie just like that, and it was _terrible_ – but she can’t help but smile at the sight of them. And even though she can’t see Chloe’s face because it’s buried in her dad’s chest as she hugs him tightly, she knows that Chloe has that beautifully bright smile that makes her heart flutter.

It almost makes her forget that they’re here as friends.

Chloe’s dad greets Beca with a hug and a deep “nice to meet you, Beca” and Beca tries – she _really_ does – to not think about how she was knuckle deep in his daughter just a couple hours ago. The memory of Chloe whimpering in her ear is enough to bring a hot flush to her cheeks as she pulls away, and she’s not surprised that Chloe notices.

“You okay, Bec?” she asks, concerned, with a hand on Beca’s back.

“Yeah, it’s just hot. The weather. The weather’s hot.”

She’s not sure Chloe buys it, but she lets it go anyway, grabbing her suitcase and linking arms with her dad. Beca can only follow Chloe and her dad through the airport, wondering why the hell she thought spending two months with the girl she’s unrequitedly in love with would be a good idea.

* * *

At first, she thinks she’s imagining things when she feels Chloe’s hand on her thigh during dinner.

Chloe’s mom and dad are telling them about how well Callum did at swim practice today, and Chloe is smiling and nodding every so often, congratulating her fifteen-year-old brother when there’s finally a pause in conversation.

Beca can’t really concentrate on that, though. Not when Chloe’s hand is so close to her crotch.

“So, Beca,” Chloe’s mom says, and Beca looks up from her food, the grip on her fork so tight that she’s sure there’ll be indentations in her skin when she lets go. Chloe digs the tips of her fingers against the inside of her thigh and she coughs. “Chloe told me you’re the reason for the ICCA wins over the past three years.”

“Oh,” she laughs nervously, one hand falling down to rest over Chloe’s on her lap as she moves the food around on her plate with her fork. “I mean, it was _all_ of us, really. And Chloe, she,” she squeezes Chloe’s hand to stop her from moving any higher. She can feel her gaze on the side of her face, but she can’t find it in herself to look at her. “She made us look amazing, with the costumes and the dance routines. I just... mixed a few songs together.”

Chloe’s hand stops moving; stops pressing, and Beca lets out a relieved breath. She turns to look at Chloe, shocked to see that Chloe is gazing at her with a fond smile. It’s beautiful and wondrous and for a second, Beca forgets where she is.

“Well,” Chloe’s mom says, snapping Beca out of her mini-trance, and Beca looks back at her with a polite smile. “I’m sure that’s not true. Chloe never shuts up about how _aca-amazing_ you are.”

“Mom!”

“What? Is it not cool when I say it?”

Beca smirks, watching as Chloe shakes her head with a breathy laugh. And she watches Chloe open her mouth to say something, but then she stops, eating the food off of the end of her fork instead.

* * *

“So, I’m aca-mazing, huh?”

“Ugh, I knew you would bring that up.”

Beca laughs, dropping down onto the single fold out bed that Chloe had set up for her while she was changing in the bathroom. She lays on her stomach, reaching for her phone, and she doesn’t notice Chloe getting up off of her own bed until she feels pressure on her butt.

“Why are you sitting on me?” she asks as she brings up the Instagram app. She feels Chloe lean over, until her head is beside Beca’s and her entire body weight is pressing her into the mattress.

(The memory of them being in this exact position a few weeks ago – only with less clothes on and an extra appendage attached to Chloe’s hips – causes her stomach to flutter and her center to twitch.)

“Whatcha doing?” Chloe asks her, ignoring Beca’s previous question as she watches Beca scroll through Instagram. Her mouth is next to Beca’s ear, and although it’s innocent enough, she still finds herself feeling a little hot underneath her.

“Checking to see if our friends are surviving the first day of summer break without us,” she responds, shifting underneath Chloe, “you’re fucking heavy, dude.”

“Gee, thanks _dude_ ,” Chloe responds, making sure to put emphasis on the ‘dude’, and it makes Beca laugh as Chloe rests her chin on her shoulder.

Their cheeks press together and before her brain can catch up, she’s turning and stretching her neck to press a kiss against the corner of Chloe’s mouth. She quickly looks back at her phone, continuing to scroll through the latest posts and trying to act casual about the simple but intimate gesture.

Chloe doesn’t seem fazed by it at all. Instead of mentioning it, she takes Beca’s phone off of her and exits out of the Instagram app, opening Spotify instead.

“Where’s my playlist?” Chloe asks, scrolling through Beca’s many folders.

Beca nervously takes the phone off of her, scrolling down to the ‘Chloe’ folder, before giving Chloe the phone back. She watches her scroll through the five playlists, two of which Chloe made, and three that she had made.

  1. Bella Party Songs
  2. DISNEY
  3. chloe’s fave songs
  4. chlo
  5. lady jams



“Please, anything but Disney,” Beca says, trying not to let her nerves show when Chloe clicks on her ‘chlo’ playlist. She watches her scroll through the songs, her thumb stopping to hover over a few of them before finally settling on one near the bottom.

“I love this song,” Chloe says, putting it on, before she continues to look through the playlist.

“Yeah, I know.”

“I didn’t know you made this.”

Beca shrugs as best she can underneath Chloe, thankful that Chloe can’t see the anxious look on her face.

“Yeah, it’s just uh, songs you’ve mentioned that you like before, no biggie.”

Chloe laughs, warm and breathy against her ear. It makes Beca’s neck tingle and her stomach quiver, and she hopes to God that Chloe doesn’t notice the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“You’re so sweet, Becs.”

“Shut up.”

“You really are aca-mazing.” She feels Chloe press a kiss to her neck, before she continues to scroll through the playlist, occasionally changing the song to another one that she likes better. She makes sure to tell Beca that she likes them, every single time, and Beca can’t help but smile because she already knows.

She doesn’t tell Chloe that she makes notes of every song Chloe offhandedly mentions that she likes. That she’s done that ever since freshman year. She doesn’t tell her that there are some of her own favorite songs in there.

Songs that describe perfectly how she feels about her.

* * *

After listening to a few more songs, Beca eventually pushes Chloe off of her, unable to have her so close and pressed against her for much longer. Chloe doesn’t question her. She takes her hand instead, and she pulls Beca onto her own bed, lying down and hugging Beca’s body against her as she rests a head on her shoulder.

Beca thought she’d be sleeping on the fold out bed, but she doesn’t dare move. Not when Chloe makes no effort to tell her to leave.

It’s almost a half hour later when Chloe lets out a sigh and tells Beca that she needs to go to sleep.

“I can’t,” is all Beca says. She wants to blame it on the music still playing but she knows that Chloe knows she regularly listens to music to fall asleep. Plus, with the music playing, she can focus on the song lyrics instead of the thoughts of Chloe swirling around in her brain.

She feels Chloe shift, before she pulls away and leans over to put the lamp beside her bed on. The loss of Chloe’s body against her own makes her heart ache a little. And she’s ready to move back to her own bed, if that’s what Chloe wants, when she feels Chloe snuggling up to her again. She runs a hand over Beca’s stomach before stopping at her waist, hugging her and keeping her in place.

“Do you believe in ghosts?” Chloe asks her, and Beca’s too confused to do anything but answer her.

“No.”

“Do you believe in God?”

“No, I... I don’t think so.”

“What about soulmates?”

She swallows nervously.

“I haven’t… thought about it,” she lies.

She expects Chloe to keep asking her questions – maybe she’s trying to help her sleep, but then again, why would she turn the lamp on if that was the case? – but she’s surprised to feel Chloe look up at her, pulling back slightly so she can look Beca in the eye.

“Seriously?” Chloe asks, genuinely shocked.

“What?”

“You’ve never… thought about the fact that there is– there _could_ be someone out there?” She pauses, and Beca’s about to answer before Chloe starts talking again. “Someone that’s... been put on this earth just for us?”

Of _course_ she doesn’t believe in that, but if it’s what Chloe believes then she’s willing to change her mind.

“I mean... I’m not saying there _couldn’t_ be, I just... what are the chances that we’d ever _find_ them?”

Chloe pulls away again, this time to sit up against the headboard, and Beca quickly follows, accepting that they won’t be going to sleep any time soon. She starts to fiddle with Chloe’s blanket that’s draped over them, absentmindedly fidgeting with a loose thread.

“I think...” Chloe starts, but the beginning of the sentence lingers in the air for a few seconds. Beca feels the physical pain in her stomach at the suspense; at the anticipation of Chloe leaving her sentence unfinished. It pulls at her heart and makes her feel nauseous.

“What?” she asks, not taking her eyes off of Chloe.

“Nothing.”

“Chloe–”

“–It’s nothing, it’s stupid.”

“Dude.” She lets out a nervous laugh. “When have you ever worried about something you say being stupid?”

Her voice sounds steady but, in her mind, she knows what she’s doing. She knows that she’s begging for Chloe to say what she was going to say, otherwise she’d never be able to stop thinking about it. She’d keep overanalyzing what Chloe was about to tell her, until she’d eventually go crazy. It’s happened so many times before.

“I think a soulmate can be anyone,” Chloe says quietly, trying to act casual as she runs a hand over the blanket. Her hand brushes over Beca’s leg for a split second, until she pulls away and stops to twist the fabric in between her fingers. “Like a best friend,” she adds quietly.

Beca watches her, feeling the familiar lump start to form in her throat, and the knot to start to tighten in her stomach.

“Maybe _we’re_ soul mates,” Chloe says with a laugh, and Beca thinks that she’s joking but she senses the seriousness of Chloe’s words too. She watches her press her lips together nervously, before she looks up at Beca with a worried smile and a vulnerable glint in her eyes.

And maybe it’s the buzz from the wine they had with dinner, or maybe it’s because Chloe looks so very beautiful in her dark, childhood bedroom, with the orange lamp glowing around her, but Beca can’t help but lean forward.

Their lips meet softly, Chloe’s hands immediately coming up to cup Beca’s face as she melts into it. And it’s far from their first kiss, but Beca feels something different inside of her. Something entirely soft and _wonderful_ about the way Chloe kisses her back; the way her tongue brushes over her bottom lip and the way her nose fits so snug against her cheek.

They’ve done this so many times before, but there’s a newness to it that makes Beca’s heart feel excited.

Beca pulls back slowly, her nose brushing over Chloe’s as she tilts her head and leans in again. She doesn’t miss the way Chloe’s mouth chases hers in the brief time it takes for her to change the angle, and it makes her smile into the kiss as she reaches out to rest her hand on Chloe’s hip to pull her closer.

She feels Chloe’s hands slide from her cheeks to the back of her neck, the pads of her fingers pressing down against her hairline, and her breath catches in her throat at the intimacy of it. It breaks the kiss, just for a moment, but long enough for Chloe to pull back and open her eyes.

When Beca opens her eyes too, Chloe’s eyes are shining, and her mouth is parted as she exhales softly against Beca’s face. Beca opens her mouth, her words immediately getting caught in her throat when Chloe pulls her back in.

It quickly becomes frantic, hands desperately running over clothes, pulling them off and disposing of them onto the fold out bed. Soft kisses turn into teeth nipping at sensitive skin, and gentle touches turn into hands scraping through hair, and scratching at whatever skin they can find.

Beca lets Chloe undress her first, lying down on the bed as Chloe hovers over her. It’s only when she’s fully naked and Chloe still has her underwear on that she puts her hands on Chloe’s shoulders and pushes her back.

“Are you okay?” Chloe asks her immediately. Her cheeks are flushed, and her hair is askew, and she’s honestly the most beautiful person Beca has ever seen.

And she’s here, with Beca, kissing her, touching her, _wanting_ her. At least for now.

Beca will never understand why, or how, but she doesn’t have much time to dwell on it.

“I’m fine,” she says, nodding. “Please touch me.”

And maybe it’s the desperate tone of her voice, or maybe it’s because Chloe wants to get Beca back for helping her out on the plane, but Chloe doesn’t linger. She starts to kiss down her body immediately, stopping to leave a mark on the swell of one of her breasts before her head is eventually in between Beca’s legs.

Her touches are light and delicate, but they still make Beca’s hips jolt in shock and pleasure, and her body feels like it’s continuously begging for more. More of Chloe, more of her mouth, her kisses, her _love_.

“Chloe, please,” she whispers. She’s not quite sure what she’s asking for anymore, but Chloe doesn’t question her like she usually does. She doesn’t ask Beca what she wants, and Beca has a feeling that it’s because Chloe already knows. They’ve done this enough times to understand each other’s bodies; to understand each other’s wants and needs.

There’s an aching pulse in between her legs that only disappears when Chloe swipes her tongue over her. It’s replaced with a spark of pleasure that travels around her entire body; to the tips of her fingers and down her trembling legs. Her hips buck up and her stomach clenches as a hand runs through Chloe’s hair to keep her in place.

When nothing else follows, she props herself up on one elbow and looks down to see what Chloe is waiting for. The sight of Chloe in between her legs, looking straight at her, causes her to whimper.

She bites her lip, because she can’t have Chloe’s parents knowing what they’re doing.

She’s just glad Chloe has a lock on her door.

“Chloe.”

Chloe’s fingers are tentative as they stroke through her, parting her folds before she finally breaks eye contact to see what she’s doing. And Beca watches her, breathing heavily as Chloe takes her time, alternating between sliding her fingers over her slick and kissing close to where she’s most sensitive. The wait is agonizingly slow, and Beca’s just about to tell Chloe to _please_ get on with it, when she _finally_ feels Chloe’s tongue press more firmly against her.

“Oh, my God,” she whispers as her head falls back against the pillow, careful not to grip too hard as her hand clenches instinctively in Chloe’s hair.

Her hips grind up into Chloe’s mouth, and she has to bite her lip when Chloe’s tongue licks over her clit. The hand in Chloe’s hair tightens once again, and she feels Chloe moan against her. It makes her back arch and her stomach clench, and she has to let go of Chloe’s hair, too afraid that she’s going to hurt her.

Her neck stretches and the skin of her inner thighs tingle as Chloe takes her time. Her mouth falls open and she lets out a breathy moan, squeezing her eyes shut as Chloe pushes a finger inside of her.

Her hips lift up on instinct when Chloe detaches her mouth.

“Becs, you’re gonna have to be quiet.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” She puts her hands over her face, both in anticipation and embarrassment.

There’s a short pause before Chloe’s tongue flattens against her again. It immediately pulls a moan from her, and she quickly pulls the pillow from under her head to put it over her face. Her arousal only heightens when she realizes that she has no idea what Chloe’s going to do next.

Chloe pulls her hips up until her legs drape over her shoulders, before she licks Beca with more pressure, more _purpose_. She wants to grind up into Chloe, to buck her hips for more, but Chloe won’t let her. She’s holding her possessively, her hands keeping her grounded as they fit into the juts of her hipbones, and the pads of her fingers press down just hard enough to keep Beca still.

A nose presses against Beca’s pubic bone as Chloe licks up into her, and Beca has to hold the pillow harder against her face as she moans loudly. She can feel herself twitching, aching for more. Her stomach clenches and her shoulders tense, and as time passes, she starts to become dizzy at the lack of air.

She feels Chloe let go of her hips to spread her gently, exposing pink flesh until her clit is protruding. The feeling of Chloe’s tongue flicking over her causes her to groan, and she has to move the pillow from her face. Not because she can’t breathe, but because she needs to watch Chloe. She shoves the pillow back underneath her head and looks down, whimpering and writhing when their eyes lock.

“Fuck, Chloe.” Her hand drops to the bed to clench the sheets, and her heart feels like it’s about to burst when Chloe lets go of her to reach up and thread their fingers together.

She doesn’t pull away, and she doesn’t break eye contact, and she doesn’t stop. Her tongue circles round, over and over, until Beca feels like she’s drowning. Chloe’s hand in hers is the only thing that keeps her afloat.

“That’s… oh, _God_ ,” she grunts. “That feels so good.”

Her eyes threaten to close but she wants to keep them open. She wants to watch Chloe make her feel good, and she wants to watch the effect that her own pleasure has on Chloe. And the eye contact is almost too much, almost _too_ intimate, but she can’t look away. She watches as tears build in the corners of Chloe’s eyes, and she sucks in a breath as the pressure against her chest – against her heart – threatens to crush her.

She feels herself approaching the edge of the proverbial cliff, tears forming in her own eyes as her core burns in anticipation.

“Right there,” she rasps, her grip on Chloe’s hand tightening. And she wants to keep talking; to tell Chloe that she’s doing so well, and to not stop, and to _please_ make her come, but her words catch in her throat and her jaw clenches as she tries to focus on breathing through her nose.

Her hips start to jolt in time with Chloe’s tongue against her, letting out quick, hitched breaths and short whimpers before she finally breaks eye contact to throw her head against the pillow and arch her back.

She comes with a silent cry against her hand, her body jerking against Chloe’s tongue. It feels like she’s coming forever, falling and falling and hoping that Chloe will be there to catch her when she finally comes to. She rides it out until her center starts to twitch, and she lets out involuntary moans at the feeling of Chloe’s tongue helping her through it.

“Oh my God, Chloe.” Her hand lands on Chloe’s head and she pushes gently, too sensitive to be able to take any more. Her thighs are still twitching, and her chest is still heaving with deep, worn-out breaths. She only opens her eyes when she feels Chloe pull back, letting go of her completely.

She looks down, and she can’t help but whimper when she watches Chloe wipe her chin and lick her lips.

Her head falls back against the pillow as Chloe kisses her way back up her body, over her collarbone and up her neck, until her forehead is pressed against the side of Beca’s head and her mouth is next to her ear.

She thinks, for a moment, that Chloe is going to tell her something. To whisper a secret into her ear, even though there’s nobody else around. She thinks, when she hears Chloe part her lips and breathe against her ear, that Chloe will maybe tell her something she’s been wanting to hear for a while now. That she’ll finally tell Beca exactly what Beca’s too afraid to say herself.

She doesn’t say it.

She presses a kiss against Beca’s cheek before pulling away and turning over, lying down on the bed beside Beca with a huff.

Beca turns to look at her, a worried expression on her face.

“Chloe?” she asks, propping herself up and turning on her side to face her. “Do you want…”

Chloe turns away, shaking her head. “I’m okay.”

“Oh.”

She’s about to ask Chloe if she wants her to stay or if she wants her to get back into her own bed, but before she can, Chloe is grabbing her hand and pulling her against her back. She wraps her arms around her waist, the feeling of Chloe’s bare skin against her own making her feel warm in all the right places.

She reaches down for their blanket and drapes it over them, before reaching over to turn the lamp off.

“Are you okay?” she asks, just to make sure.

“I just want you to hold me,” is Chloe’s whispered response as she threads her fingers through Beca’s, keeping her close against her.

Beca smiles, pressing a kiss against the back of Chloe’s neck, before finally relaxing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual i'm [chloebeale](http://chloebeale.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> you can support my writing [here](https://ko-fi.com/M4M5ENJK)


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